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  • How I Found Friends Through Faith: Trusting God to Bring Meaningful Connections

    How I Found Friends Through Faith: Trusting God to Bring Meaningful Connections

    Two girls read a book together.After college, there was a period in my life when I dreaded the weekends.  

    I anxiously awaited the long hours of unstructured time I would spend trying to distract myself from my loneliness. It wasn’t that I lacked friends, it was the physical distance between us that left me without plans on the weekends. As I adjusted to moving back home while working full-time as a college librarian and not having connections at my fingertips like I had when I was a student, I hungered for community with peers.

    My instinct during this time of loneliness was to take advantage of as many opportunities as possible to foster social connection. I joined a women’s group at a parish in Chicago and volunteered as a literacy tutor. I invested in hobbies that would sustain my body and mind – I went to exercise classes and rollerbladed, I started a gratitude journal and listened to audiobooks. 

    LISTEN: How Can I Be Strong in Faith While Missing Community? 

    Though these pursuits were healthy and helped me discover what fulfills me, I could not stay present and enjoy them when my focus remained on what I lacked. I stayed in motion but hadn’t found my place, becoming bitter and cynical when these activities did not produce the community I craved. Rather than reframing this period of loneliness as an opportunity to try new experiences and reevaluate my priorities, I saw it as a burden that I didn’t deserve to carry. I concentrated too much on what I wanted to gain from these activities rather than on what I could give to God and others through them.

    As this period continued, I knew I needed help. While I received support through mental health counseling, I also brought this ache to my spiritual life, turning to saints who had both experienced pain and found profound peace in trusting God. I asked our Blessed Mother Mary for help finding good and holy friendships. I prayed a novena to St. Therese the Little Flower, asking for the courage to pursue true friendships. On the last day of the novena, I joined a woman whom I had briefly met at Mass for a drink. It was the first new friend I had made in a long time, and the conversation we had affirmed me that a new, meaningful connection was possible.

    RELATED: Three Female Saints and Mystics Who Guide Me to Freedom

    As I struggled to let go of my need for control and rely on the saints’ intercession, opportunities for friendship and community began to present themselves more naturally, but without the same sense of pressure. I was invited to volunteer with an organization that hosts afterschool programs for girls, and I met other like-minded women who also volunteered there. Saying yes to this invitation and engaging with the connections I made there allowed me to intentionally invest in the community, striving for quality of interactions over quantity.

    I learned to rely on friendships that are spread across far distances, acknowledging that even if I don’t talk to these people every day, they are still the friends I have on speed dial whether I need to laugh or reach out for support. I planned weekend trips and organized a virtual book club with these friends to help us stay tethered. I worked to be grateful for the friendships I do have, and the community that I have within my family. By letting God into the work of bringing new people into my life, I slowly let go of the notion that I need a sprawling group of connections in order to feel whole.

    RELATED: Finding Fellowship: How I Built Community at a New Church

    As I look back to see what God was doing to my heart during this time, I can see him helping me rethink what community looks like. The biggest misconception I held was the belief that community is static, and that I will reach a stable point where I am completely fulfilled by all my activities and social interactions. Community is not a finish line or a goal to achieve – it is a growing organism that is never fully formed. God was showing me that community is always in flow, evolving as new connections form and others wilt, but he is the only one who will always be beside me.  

    The philosopher Aristotle wrote that, “Without friends, no one would want to live, even if he had all other goods.” The longing for community transcends generations, centuries and cultures. I do not take for granted the communities I’ve found through various avenues, but I know they may change and fade. There will be other seasons of loneliness, loss and grief that I will need to learn to endure with grace. Yet, it is these seasons that make my friendships so valuable, and allow me to renew my dependence on God, realigning myself with his dream for my life. 

    Originally published May 23, 2022.

  • Summer Spirituality: Building a Habit of Prayer In Ordinary Time

    Summer Spirituality: Building a Habit of Prayer In Ordinary Time

    Rosary beads hangingI find Lent and Advent easy to commit to, in many ways. The practices throughout these seasons have been ingrained in my mind since I was a small child. There is a clear beginning and ending, and I know what to expect from each period. These are the times that I am supposed to be working on my faith – so I sign up for a reflection book, make a commitment to pray the Rosary, or take on some other faith-related exercise. Summer is a different story.

    The nice weather and fluid schedules often lead me to feeling lost in my spiritual life. I can easily go days without praying for more than a few minutes at a time. Since I usually do not make a conscious choice to commit to a prayer practice, I allow the summer to slip by without growing much in my faith. I realized that I needed to add a spiritual element after my experience a few summers ago. I found that I hardly ever prayed, other than right before bed. It is a blessing to be able to relax more and spend more time outside, but if I am honest, those good things often took the place of the greatest thing: my relationship with God. 

    RELATED: How My Family Is Spending Our Summer With God

    I realized I became less patient and less kind towards my family members and others during the summer because I was not connected to the experience of God’s love in prayer. My lack of commitment to spending time with God and my relationship with him led to less intentionality in my other relationships. Neglecting prayer can become fuel for ignoring others. 

    With this in mind, I tried something different last summer. I decided to make a commitment, as I would at the beginning of Advent or Lent, to deepen my prayer life and intimacy with God. I would carve out the summer from the middle of June to the end of August and make these six weeks a time of dedication to God and growth in my spiritual life. 

    My idea was to imitate Jesus’ actions of going off and praying on his own throughout the Gospels. I wanted to make each day of the summer a “mini-retreat”, like Jesus often would when he went to the mountains or a deserted place to pray (Mark 1:35; Mark 6:46; Luke 6:12). Specifically, I wanted to spend time contemplating the “solitary place” that Jesus went to. So, I decided to pray every morning, in the same place, and in a similar way. 

    WATCH: Great Catholic Sites to Visit on Summer Vacation 

    I set an earlier alarm every day, sat on the same spot on the couch, and located a crucifix on the wall to center my focus. I found that the first step of waking up early is the most important. In order to increase my odds, I moved my phone charger to my dresser so that I would have to get out of bed to shut off my alarm each morning. Before doing so, I was too prone to hit the snooze button. Then I would wake up when the kids woke up and lose out on my time for prayer. The early mornings served as a great stage to offer my entire day to God.

    Second, I sat in the same space each day to increase the context of my prayer. The routine of sitting in the same space each day slowly sanctifies that space and triggers in my mind that I am about to enter into something special and holy. Once I adopted this habit, it became easier to pray, and I began to enter into deep prayer more quickly. The scene was simple and ordinary, but I slowly began to work the muscles of prayer each morning, in a similar way. The space and the entire process led me to become more used to praying in silence each day. I began to crave it. 

    Finally, I wanted to move a crucifix to my place of prayer so that I could focus on something when my mind began to drift. I got in the habit of beginning my time gazing at the cross and asking Christ to guide me in being alone with him. Then I would read the Gospel of the day, reflect on a key phrase or action of Jesus, and end with some time of quiet prayer looking at the cross again. 

    RELATED: 5 Tips for a Spiritual Summer

    I found that it was the commitment to making summer prayerful that made all of the difference. Once I was intentional about how I would spend the very first parts of my day, I was able to encounter God in ways that I never had before in silence and in the solitary space of my own living room. I was also able to be more of the man that I am being called to be: more patient and kind with my family. While far from perfect, prayer is continuing to radically change me. 

    Summer is not simply a time for rest and relaxation in the sun. Like all seasons, it is a chance to grow in intimacy with God. This summer, make your own commitment to prayer and watch him move to meet you every single day. 

  • Discover Dream Design Deliver: A Guide to Fruitful Spiritual Discernment

    Discover Dream Design Deliver: A Guide to Fruitful Spiritual Discernment

    “From this crisis we can come out better or worse. We can slide backward or we can create something new.” 

    When I came across these words in Pope Francis’ book, “Let Us Dream: The Path to a Better Future,” I suddenly found hope in what was an incredibly difficult year. In addition to the loss of loved ones, my family had to relocate twice in a period of five months, and I witnessed the birth of my second child over FaceTime due to health and safety protocol. I missed my communities and family, the colleagues I served with, and the students I accompanied. Still, compared to many others, I am one of the lucky ones and I am eternally grateful to be safe and alive.

    True to any crisis, and certainly to the COVID-19 pandemic, there is an opportunity for transformation, including an invitation to a deeper relationship with God. Faced with my own challenges and mortality, I was honestly confused and scared as the COVID-19 related death toll continued to grow. At first, my prayer life was frustrating, and at times it felt pointless. I now realize God was inviting me into a deeper relationship. With the support of a compassionate spiritual director, I explored new and familiar ways to pray, returned to spiritual readings and inspiration, and I found ways to safely serve. I soon rediscovered my place as God’s beloved and I was ready to “create something new.”

    RELATED: What Now? 3 Ways to Discover Your Vocation

    What are the unfulfilled dreams that God has planted on your heart? After this very difficult year, are you ready to dream and to create something new?

    For the past two decades, I accompanied college students at St. John’s University as their Campus Minister and faculty. From my research and pastoral ministry, I found that too often students limited themselves and their dreams (this is not only true for students, but for most of us). While they felt a strong desire to change their lives and the world, they didn’t know how. As a result, I designed a spiritual discernment model that includes four simple steps to bring their dreams to life.

    The steps are known as the “4 D’s:” Discover, Dream, Design, & Deliver. These steps are adapted from  the organizational model of Appreciative Inquiry which is often used in corporations, institutions of education, and health care. I include prayerful discernment strategies and service opportunities to remind participants to invite God into this explorative process. The following includes an example of a Catholic school teacher who participated in this process.

    RELATED: How I Use Ignatian Discernment to Make Decisions Big and Small

    Discover: Identify gifts and talents by looking to your past. 

    Sample question: Think of a time when you were most happy as a child. What were you doing? 

    Example: The teacher loved growing plants. She recalled the feeling of spending time with her grandmother caring for their family garden.

    Dream: Articulate your dreams to transform your life and life of others.

    Sample Question: How could you use one of your gifts to not only bring you greater joy, but to also help others in need?

    Example: She dreamed of building a botanical garden on her school’s roof so her students could learn and care for plants. It would connect science, social responsibility, and Catholic teachings on caring for the environment.

    Design: Craft a realistic plan to animate aspects of your dream.

    Sample Question: What parts of your dream are most realistic?

    Example: The teacher recognized that the budget wouldn’t allow for her initial dream immediately. While she still pursued this larger dream, she also shifted to a more realistic project of developing a garden on the school grounds- one she could begin immediately.

    Deliver: Put plan into action

    Sample Question: What is at least one step you will take this week to bring your dream to life?

    Example: The first step was to identify a space. The second step was to consult with experts and to develop a timeline and budget. The third step was to engage with the school community to better assess the need.

    LISTEN: Giving Your ‘Yes’ to God

    Rooted in each of these steps is prayer as you discern God’s call for you. I encourage you to recall the words of author Frederic Buechner, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” Remember to focus on what your gifts are, what brings you joy, and how they can be in service.

    In closing, as you begin to dream to create something new, allow these three reminders to guide your process. 

    1. Dream big: Allow God to work through you (and others) and trust the dream that God has planted on your heart. I am often amazed at how we limit our dreams, often feeling the restrictions of time, money, and external approval. For example, I accompanied a student who had a dream to be an artist, but he wouldn’t pursue it because of his expected parents disapproval. It turned out when he spoke with them about his change of major and career goals, they were more supportive than he could have imagined. 
    2. Assess the need: Make sure that the designed plan or dream is responding to the needs of the community you intend to serve. For example, a group of students wanted to use their gifts for leadership and community organizing to collect clothing and toiletries on campus to serve those facing housing insecurity during the pandemic. It wasn’t until they spoke to a partner organization that directly served this community did they realize that the specific needs were different from what they initially planned to collect.
    3. Be true to yourself: I often tell my graduating seniors that when I see them 10 years from now, I will not ask them where they are working. Rather, I will ask if they are happy and at peace. If they can achieve that, this means they are in relationship with God, being true to themselves, and utilizing their God-given talents. I remind them, and you, these important words from author and priest Henri Nouwen said, “We are good enough to do what we are called to do. Be Yourself.”

    Pope Francis is calling us to dream, to transform our personal and communal lives. We might resist this challenge given the difficulty of this past year; however, it is often in these challenging moments that we are broken open and ready to listen to God’s call for us in our hearts. With so many suffering, so much pain and loss, and with societal inequities clearer, it is time for us to use this “one precious life” as poet Mary Oliver called it, to serve and to love.

    Originally published May 14, 2021.

  • Virtual Father’s Day Retreat

    Virtual Father’s Day Retreat

    Father’s Day is this weekend and it’s time to honor dear old Dad. Fathers share helpful advice and wisdom throughout our lives (or at least they try to). Even if we’re too busy or stubborn to listen, dads are giving us tips on how to make our lives the best they can be. This virtual retreat helps children and their fathers connect with those wisdom moments and one another. You can do this retreat on your own or with your dad! Live far away? E-mail Dad the link and get on the phone, Facetime, or Skype. So, in addition to a card or gift (don’t forget!) celebrate Father’s Day with your father in a unique way. Click here to download the PDF.

    Getting Started

    Find a comfortable place in your home or even outdoors for this retreat. Take a few minutes to think about your father and other men who have been wise and guiding figures in your life. You might want to light a candle in memory of wisdom figures who have passed away.

    Now, settle into the moment…

    • Close your eyes and breathe deeply
    • Recognize that God is with you

    Prayer

    Heavenly Father, we thank you for our fathers. They gave us life and continue to give us the wisdom to live our lives. By their examples of love, we know ourselves. By their examples of faith, we know you better. Invigorate our fathers with the love and respect of their children so that they may be encouraged, inspired, and greatly blessed. Amen.

    Reading

    Proverbs: 23:22-25

    Listen to your father who begot you,
    do not despise your mother when she is old.
    Buy truth and do not sell:
    wisdom, instruction, understanding!
    The father of a just person will exult greatly;
    whoever begets a wise son will rejoice in him.
    Let your father and mother rejoice;
    let her who bore you exult.

    Thoughts on the Reading

    Mark Twain once said, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” It always seems that when we are children (or not so much children) of a certain age, we think we know it all. We believe we have all the answers. And our parents just don’t get it. It’s so easy to become dismissive and turn away from sources of real wisdom, opting instead to rely on our own resources. Yet, if we pay attention, we may be fortunate enough to see that though our fathers grew up in a different time with different options, they have the wisdom to know how certain situations will progress. Having been through, or at least seen, most everything that we go through, they can provide advice, warning, instruction, and insight that can help us make better decisions in our lives. The wisdom that fathers give can help us to know who we are and what we are able to do. It can help distinguish between things that are good for us and things that will harm us.

    The parental pride moment in the Proverbs scripture happens today when we translate tried and true wisdom from Dad, Mom, and others into our current reality. When we’re teaching old wisdom in new ways by lives that are characterized by love and justice, our fathers are proud. And we further a legacy that we pass on to our families and to the world.

    Reflecting on the Reading

    Take a few moments to think about (or even write down) your responses to the following. If you do this retreat with your father, share your reflections with one another.

    • For daughters and sons – What wisdom and truths about your life has your father passed on to you? How has your father’s example given you the strength to deal with the realities of life?
    • For fathers – What wisdom and truths have your children shared with you that enable you to live better in today’s world? What challenges do your children face in today’s world that will show off their strength, character, and talents?
    • For new fathers – Name three truths you hope to teach your children. How has this new role of father helped you to better appreciate your own father?

    Praying for the Community

    God, we give thanks today for our fathers and for all they have done to share wisdom and truth. We especially remember fathers who struggle to maintain their families, single fathers, and fathers who bravely face social injustice for the sake of their families – that from their sacrifice come children capable of changing the world. We remember fathers who have lost children through death – that they may receive the consolation that gives peace and hope. We remember fathers who have died – that their legacy of wisdom and love may be a sturdy rock upon which we proudly stand. We also pray for fathers who are imprisoned, fathers who suffer from addictions or abuse, and fathers who have left or harmed their families – that the mercy and love of God may guide and strengthen their hearts and minds to repair what has been broken.

    Add your own: God, we remember fathers who….

    Make a Commitment to Share Wisdom

    Using your reflection responses as a guide, make a personal commitment to share the wisdom you have learned from your father or another wisdom figure in your life.

    Ideas: send an e-mail or personal note to a friend or family member who could use some of the same fatherly advice you’ve received. Incorporate this commitment into your role as someone’s godparent. Serve as a mentor, tutor, confirmation sponsor, or other volunteer who works with young children and teenagers.

    Conclusion

    God of all fathers, in your wisdom and love you have made all things. As we honor our fathers this Father’s Day, help us to live a father’s example. May our minds and hearts become stronger in the wisdom and love that we share. Help us to promote truth, value necessary instruction, and foster mutual understanding as we go through life. And may a spirit of greater respect strengthen us all. Amen.

  • Turning to St. Joseph as a Rookie Father

    Turning to St. Joseph as a Rookie Father

    In 2021, as a rookie father of only five months or so, I often found myself turning to St. Joseph, the patron saint of fathers, during this time of change in my life. Although Jesus’ stepfather never says a word in the Bible and is only mentioned a handful of times, his witness to and relationship with the Son of God should be something each disciple ponders anew in order to gain depth and insight into who Jesus is. In the moments when I have fled to him for help, Joseph has proven to be a true guide for strength and prayerfulness.

    Coincidentally, Pope Francis named 2021 the “Year of St. Joseph.” Often, popes decide to dedicate an entire year to the patronage of a saint or theological principle in order to orient our ordinary lives completely to God. The Year of St. Joseph called for the faithful to trust in the Father’s promises. Joseph never drew attention to himself, but his importance in salvation history is unquestioned. He simply does as God asks, and we are called to humbly follow his example. 

    HOMILY: St. Joseph: Righteous and Pastoral

    My wife was pregnant between the months of January and October 2020, which was a period filled with ebbs and flows of joy, exhaustion, excitement, and anxiety. Worries about caring for the financial needs of the child along with the health of the baby were mingled with the utter amazement that a soul was traveling with us through it all. Through the advice of a close friend, I began to turn to Joseph each day and began a more intentional relationship with the man who was responsible for the safety and care of the Blessed Mother and the God-child. 

    My friend explained that each moment we have as fathers, whether before or after the birth of our children, and whether it is beautiful or challenging, is an opportunity to learn from St. Joseph. Joseph knew what it was like to wait for the birth of his child, and he knew what it was like to embark upon an unknown pilgrimage into the future. Joseph is the king of dealing with unpredictable and unforeseen situations. From the pregnancy of Mary before they lived together (Matthew 1:18), to having no place for her to give birth in Bethlehem (Luke 2:7) all the way through the flight from Egypt in fear for their lives (Matthew 2:13-14) and providing for his family with his small carpentry shop.

    RELATED: A Closer Look at St. Joseph

    Journeying from Nazareth to Bethlehem must have been arduous for Mary. For Joseph, it was a time when he was called upon to do his best to help his wife while also coming to terms with the fact that there are times that we might just feel helpless. We simply must be there for our loved ones through difficult times. 

    Joseph experienced this firsthand because he and Mary had no other choice, they had to go to Bethlehem for the census (Luke 2:4). He had to watch as she struggled through the terrain and possibly the extreme heat or bitter cold. As a first-time dad, I saw this in the times when there was nothing I could do to take away the pain or discomfort of pregnancy and labor. In these moments, Joseph as a “just man” (Matthew 1:19), would have turned inwardly to God in deep prayer. He would have brought his wife’s struggles to the Father, trusting that God was immensely and intimately close to them. 

    Trust and faithfulness to prayer must have been the defining trait of their marriage, and something that my wife and I are attempting to emulate in certain ways by turning more to God, giving him thanks, and asking for his aid. Mary and Joseph are relatable to every couple because their “plans” were never neatly organized but consistently met with challenges and hurdles. While they are the most exceptional couple of all time, they are also the most practically helpful couple of all time. The manner in which they turned to prayer was completely natural and never forced.

    RELATED: St. Joseph and a Small Lenten Miracle

    Traveling through pregnancy, my wife and I tried to do our best to come together to pray before important doctor appointments or in the midst of unclear or challenging news. The unknown pushed us to unite with each other, and pulled us closer into the love that God has for us. 

    Through the example of Joseph, I learned that life has uncertainties and challenges, but that following his lead will allow you to perceive God’s fingerprints in every present moment – no matter what might come. Joseph’s silence in the Bible, humility in following God, and trust in God’s plan made him the best suited stepfather to Christ. My prayer is that I may take his witness and become the best father I can be.

    Originally published March 19, 2021. 

  • Do This in Memory of Me

    Do This in Memory of Me

    John’s dad’s 1929 Model-A Ford Tudor Sedan

    “Will you take care of my car for me after I’m gone?” My father asked me while we sat in my sister’s living room. I didn’t know it at the time, but that would be one of the final face-to-face conversations he and I would have before he passed away less than a month later.

    The car that Dad was referring to was his beloved 1929 Model-A Ford Tudor Sedan. He had bought it for $125 back in 1962 when he was 14 years old and then spent the next two years restoring a car that he couldn’t yet legally drive himself. When kids his age were drooling over the latest muscle cars and building hot rods in their garages, my father was restoring a 33-year-old family car. It would be the modern-day equivalent of seeing a kid put all of his blood, sweat, and tears into a 1986 Ford Taurus station wagon.

    As a professional auto mechanic his entire life, my dad owned hundreds of cars. The Model-A was the only car he would never sell. The car was at his high school graduation, it was at my parents’ wedding (as well as the weddings of many of their friends), and it is pictured on my parents’ tombstone. So, when asked if I would take custody of his car for him, how could I say anything but yes?

    At the time that my dad died, the week before Father’s Day in 2016, his Model-A had not been on the road in close to 15 years. During those years, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease, and Dad became her primary caregiver. Shortly after her passing, his health quickly declined. For all of that time, the ’29 Ford sat in storage, neglected, rusting, and collecting dust. By the time I took over its care, the car’s engine was completely seized up, and no amount of pulling on its hand crank would break it loose.

    Luckily, in Dad’s collection of extra parts, he had a spare engine/clutch/transmission assembly that matched what was in the car. My 11-year-old daughter, Bella, and I spent the summer of 2017 rebuilding the spare engine and getting it running on a test stand. Then last fall, we swapped out the seized engine in the car for the one we now had running. By late November, we took the car for its maiden voyage around our neighborhood; the first time it had driven under its own power in nearly a decade and a half.

    RELATED: Virtual Father’s Day Retreat

    John and his daughter Bella getting ready to take his dad’s car for a spin.

    This whole project has become about so much more than the car. It has been a means of grieving the loss of both of my parents, a bonding experience for my daughter and me, and, believe it or not, a basis for theological reflection as well.

    That last angle didn’t occur to me until sitting in Mass one day recently when the priest referenced the famous exchange between Jesus and Peter recorded at the end of John’s Gospel: “Do you love me?”… “Feed my sheep.” (John 21:17)

    Dad’s question came echoing back to me: “Will you take care of my car for me after I’m gone?” Like Peter, I was quick to respond, but I doubt either one of us knew what we were signing ourselves up for. In both cases, by the time we knew enough to ask informed questions, the person we would have asked was no longer with us.

    By the time Jesus’ first disciples were out in the community continuing his ministry, they surely encountered and experienced many things that they felt like they were unprepared for. At Pentecost, the Holy Spirit descended upon the first disciples to continue to inspire and guide them in following their Christian mission. Dad didn’t leave me with nearly as powerful of an advocate as the Holy Spirit, but at least I have Google and YouTube to help me out.

    As I reflect on these unexpected parallels between an old Ford and the Catholic faith, I’m also struck by how they are both handed down through word and tradition from one generation to the next. We know that Jesus’ original 12 Apostles passed on the faith through their writings and through their actions. As we work on the Model-A, Bella often comments, “I love how the car still smells like Grandpa.” She’s not wrong — it does smell like him, or he smelled like it. They both had that unique potpourri of gear grease, gasoline, and exhaust that all old mechanics have. Bella still has that firsthand experience to remember what her grandfather smelled like. But her kids will not. They will have to come to rely on her descriptions, much like we have come to rely on all of those generations of Christians who have gone before us.

    I still don’t view the Model-A as “my car.” I tell people it’s my dad’s car — I’m just taking care of it for him. Someday, down the road, Bella will take over as its primary caretaker. She’ll teach her kids about their Catholic faith and how their great-grandpa bought a car for $125 when he was 14 years old. Based on what I’ve seen thus far, I think I’ll be leaving both the car and the faith in good hands.

    Originally published June 11, 2018

  • A Guide to the Month of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus

    A Guide to the Month of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus

    i-heart-jesusThe Church dedicates the month of June to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, one of the most popular Catholic devotions throughout the world. So what is the Sacred Heart, anyway? When Catholics talk about the Sacred Heart we’re referring to the physical (yes, blood and ventricles and valves … this is an unabashedly embodied faith, y’all) Heart of Jesus as a representation of his Divine Love for humanity. Throughout his earthly ministry, Jesus’ Heart was moved by compassion for the poor, the sick, the forgotten, and the grieving. Pierced by a sword on the Cross as an act of self-giving love and enthroned in Heaven for eternity, this same Heart still beats for us and yearns for us and overflows with mercy for us and aches in solidarity with us. Come along with your favorite convert and start your summer off right(eous) with a few ideas to celebrate the month of the Sacred Heart:

    1. Begin at the Beginning

    During June, make an effort to begin your day with prayer. If this is a new practice for you, start out simply. If you have a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, use it to focus as you pray. Try this little prayer to start:

    Consecration to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary

    For a couple or family: Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary, I give myself and my whole family entirely to you [here name your family members], and to show our devotion to You this day, we consecrate to You our eyes, our ears, our mouths, our hearts, our whole being without reserve. Wherefore, dear Mother and sweet Jesus, we are Your own, guard us and keep us always as Your property and possession. Amen. (from The Catholic Mother’s Resource Guide by Maria Compton-Hernandez, Queenship Publishing, 2002)

    For a single person: Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary, I give myself entirely to you, and to show my devotion to You this day, I consecrate to You my eyes, my ears, my mouth, my heart, my whole being without reserve. Wherefore, dear Mother and sweet Jesus, I am Your own, guard me and keep me always as Your property and possession. Amen.

    If there are little people at your house, invite them to pray along by making the Sign of the Cross over their eyes, ears, mouth, and hearts as you pray aloud. (Also, make it clear that you want them touching their own eyes, ears, etc. … or else what started off as an act of piety will turn into a no holds barred cage match. Ask me how I know.)

    2. Tell it to his heart

    If you (like me) are a child of the ’80s, this song is now stuck in your head … probably forever. You’re welcome. This month, as we think about the boundless love of Christ and his Heart … which is set aflame with love for us, which was contained in his earthly body, which contains the whole universe … let’s imagine our prayers, petitions, worries, joys, and fears tucked into the living, beating Heart of Jesus. Here are a couple of ideas to get you started:

    • Using a dry erase or chalk board, draw an outline of the Sacred Heart. For the rest of the month of June, write your petitions inside the Heart.
    • Cut out a large Sacred Heart shape from poster board. Using photos, magazine clippings, and newspaper headlines, fill the Heart with images of loved ones, images that represent personal intentions, and words or images that represent petitions for your community and the whole world. Use the collage you’ve created as a starting point for prayer.
    • Try this exercise: Imagine you are standing face to face with Jesus. As you tell him the joys, burdens, and concerns of you heart, imagine his Sacred Heart growing more and more radiant with love. See your intentions inside his Heart and trust that they are safe there.

    3. Go to Mass

    Did you ever notice that the priest pours a bit of water into the wine before the Eucharist is consecrated? Ever wonder why? One reason comes from Scripture. In John’s Gospel, the soldier pierces Jesus side (i.e. his Heart) with a sword and blood and water flows from the wound. When we receive the Eucharist, we are receiving the Heart of Jesus. After you receive Communion, pray that through the grace of the Blessed Sacrament your heart may be made more like his Heart … merciful, compassionate, humble, and fearless. If you have yet to receive your first Communion, pray this prayer as you place your hands over your own heart to receive the God’s blessing from your priest.

    4. Divine Mercy

    The Divine Mercy Chaplet (a prayer) originates from a vision St. Faustina received of Jesus, his Heart overflowing with radiant mercy for all of us. All you need to try this popular devotion is an ordinary rosary (or 10 fingers … or toes). If praying a full chaplet feels intimidating at first, try quietly repeating this short prayer from the chaplet:

    O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

    5. And what would a feast be without food

    Although the actual Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus is June 7, let the feasting continue all month! Check out Catholic Cuisine for loads of ideas for great food to celebrate the month. If your local farmers’ market is open (ours just opened this weekend), try making a Sacred Heart shape out of sliced strawberries, blueberries for the thorns, and sliced peaches for the flames. You can also make a treat to bring to someone in your parish, neighborhood, or apartment building who is homebound. Let them know that they’re in Jesus’ Heart … and yours too.

    Originally published June 10, 2013.

  • How Adopting a ‘Growth Mindset’ Has Enriched My Spiritual Life

    How Adopting a ‘Growth Mindset’ Has Enriched My Spiritual Life

    Mom And Her Daughters Planting Seedlings In Garden BoxWhen I saw the first spots of bright green in our long planter boxes, a jolt of adrenaline shot through my veins. It’s actually happening! I thought to myself as I called my daughters, who are 4 and 7, to see the sprouts. We are actually growing things in our garden! 

    Just two weeks prior, I had fussed around them as they spilled soil, sloshed water, and sprinkled flower seeds. I was nervous. After a long history of gardening failures, I had finally been able to keep a few houseplants alive for a few months. Growing something from seeds seemed like the next logical step, but it also felt like a colossal leap, like attempting to cross a divide just a few inches too wide. As I carefully arranged the planters in the sun, I truly didn’t know if they would bloom or die.

    That’s because, for a long time, I thought I was just bad at gardening. As I watched neighbors and friends successfully grow their own food, I wrote it off as a special talent that they were blessed with, and one I didn’t receive. “I’m good at other things,” I would joke as I thought about the garden beds around my house overrun with weeds. 

    RELATED: Wisdom Learned From Gardening With My Mother

    Then, in a professional development session for high school teachers, I learned about the concept of having a growth mindset, the belief that a person can grow in their abilities and skills, and I decided to give gardening a more intentional try. What if I did a little research first? I asked myself. What if I invested a little money in getting the right tools? What if I made it a habit to do a little bit of work each day? What if I tracked my progress slowly over a longer period of time? 

    The questions intrigued and excited me. Suddenly gardening didn’t feel like an activity that was never meant for me, but a challenge that I could take on at my own pace and in my own way. 

    Adopting a growth mindset can transform the way a person looks at any new or interesting skill they want to try, like playing the piano, painting with watercolor, or skateboarding. It can also transform the way we approach our spiritual lives. Ordinary Time, with its slower rhythm and focus on steady discipleship, is the perfect time to look at our spiritual lives with an eye to slow and steady growth. 

    My time in the garden has taught me that I need the same things whether I want to learn something brand new or cultivate the thing that is already a cornerstone of my life – my relationship with God: a reasonable goal, the right tools, and daily attention, patience, and time. 

    RELATED: Weeds and Wheat: Getting Rid of What We Don’t Need

    Growing vegetables still feels too daunting this year, so our family is trying to grow a few pots of flowers and herbs. This goal seems just challenging enough that I want to work toward it. I will celebrate if we are successful, but I won’t be devastated if we fail. 

    If I want to grow in my spiritual life, setting a reasonable goal is important, too. I once heard a priest preach about this when it comes to establishing a habit of daily prayer. “You’ll never start with an hour a day! Try 10 minutes,” he said. When I wanted to get into the habit of praying the Rosary every day, I started with just one decade a day. I don’t have to do everything all at once. I can work toward a bigger goal via small steps over time. 

    The right tools have also made a big difference in my abilities as a gardener. I set a small budget for this hobby and intentionally bought items that would help me troubleshoot problems I have encountered in the past: pots with good drainage (I tend to drown my plants) and potting soil that has nutrients mixed in (sometimes just the sun is not enough—who knew?). 

    LISTEN: Simple Ways to Rejuvenate Your Faith With Joe Paprocki

    I’ve learned there’s no need to go all out and spend a ton of money on products or services that promise they will help me connect with God. By thinking carefully about roadblocks that have prevented my spiritual growth in the past, I’ve found creative solutions for overcoming them one at a time. For instance, an old-fashioned alarm clock has helped me and my husband wake up early for personal prayer so we no longer start our day by reaching for our phones. 

    I think the hardest truth about learning something new is that it takes consistent daily attention, patience, and time. I need to check on my garden every day, just as a musician needs to practice or an athlete needs to train every day. These daily tasks can feel tedious because they rarely provide evidence of growth or development. However, when I take a longer view, success is easier to see. I am a more confident gardener than I was a few years ago. And perhaps in a few years, I will be better at it still. 

    The same is true for spiritual growth. It can feel tedious to show up to Mass every week or prayer every day. But as the seasons of my life change over time, or as I start to encounter challenges and difficulties with more trust and grace, I can see the ways that God has been nurturing my soul with careful attention all along, just like a gardener. 

  • From Pen to Prayer: How the Lost Art of Letter Writing Connects Me to God

    From Pen to Prayer: How the Lost Art of Letter Writing Connects Me to God

    Paper and pen set out on white table. Behind it is a few light pink flowers and a white cup of tea. At the back of the image is a white sheet or curtain draped upon a table.
    Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

    My friend Tanna lives in Louisiana. No, that’s not the start of a children’s nursery rhyme. I met Tanna back in high school when we both partook in an immersive sustainable farm program in Upstate New York. Together, we got up at the crack of dawn, milked cows, collected eggs, repaired fencing, and overall experienced the beauty and hardships of farm life. 

    Though there were other girls in the program, Tanna and I “clicked.” We stayed friends, even visiting each other’s homes over the next summer and exchanging emails. After college, however, we kept in touch less often. Things got busy; life happened, as they say. A decade went by before we both desired to rekindle our old friendship more seriously. We connected through Facebook; Tanna sent me a direct message when she learned that the beloved farm where we met unfortunately closed during the pandemic. It was this loss of our shared idyllic memories that prompted us to rekindle our friendship. 

    LISTEN: Keeping Friendships Strong

    We could have done so digitally, but we decided to handwrite to each other instead. When we were at the farm, we used to send letters to our family and friends almost every day. Letter writing seemed like a fun alternative to emails, which we both got enough of working in the higher education sector. We both love writing, so we half-jokingly agreed that if we both become famous writers one day, someone would publish our correspondences as a book, like the letters of Henry James and Edith Wharton, or “Words in Air: The Complete Correspondence Between Elizabeth Bishop and Robert Lowell,” two American poets. 

    I think it goes without saying that the immediacy of sending and receiving a text message or email has unilaterally killed the art of letter-writing. Even so, Tanna and I are a year into our penpal experiment, and we are loving it so far. Besides renewing an old friendship, it’s also given me insight into how we can approach our own relationships with God. 

    Good things take time and effort

    When I write my letters to Tanna, I make it a special affair. I brew myself a cup of tea, curl up under a blanket, and wait until the dog settles on the bed. I take a few sheets of beautiful stationery and pick up my favorite pen. Then, I think about what I want to say before I set pen to paper. 

    Writing a letter takes intentionality. I purposefully carve a sacred quiet space to not only enjoy doing it but also to make the letter itself good and meaningful. Because I take the time to craft the letter carefully, it is more thoughtful and well-written than a rushed email or quick text.

    RELATED: How to Start a Prayer Journal

    I realized that I should try to do the same thing for my relationship with God: Be more intentional in my prayer. Life undoubtedly gets busy, and I don’t always have the time to make everything just so (after all, my sacred letter-writing practice is not a daily one). Quiet solitude is usually not within grasp in the midst of our bustling daily routines. However, I know I can set aside time to dwell in the Lord’s presence a little more intentionally. When I’m walking the dog in the morning, when I’m making breakfast, or even when I’m transferring subways – those are all moments I can open my heart up to him.

    After all, he wants us to talk to him and lean on him. He wants us to share all our worries, fears, triumphs, and tribulations. Nothing is too small for God to hear: “Ah, Lord God, it is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you” (Jeremiah 32:17). Giving ourselves the time to give God our hearts is what will bring us closer to him – with or without tea and blankets. 

    Good things are worth the wait

    Letter-writing is a practice of patience. I’ve learned to embrace the silences in between letters with joyful anticipation. I know a letter response will come, so I am not anxious about when I receive it. In fact, it’s fun to have a hopeful eagerness when checking the mailbox: Is it coming today? Has the post even arrived yet? When a letter from Tanna finally does get here, I eagerly tear open the envelope and begin reading before I’ve even had a chance to sit down.

    I wish I applied the same thinking to my relationship with God. There have been times in my life when I felt frustrated with what I interpreted as his silence. For instance, there was a season of my life when I questioned whether God truly called me to write. I don’t make a full-time living wage from writing. My job and other responsibilities can make finding time to dedicate to the craft challenging. If this was truly meant to be for me, then why would it be so hard?

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    But, as my husband always tells me, sometimes time and silence are the best things for us. Those seasons can be fruitful – as long as we don’t give up on listening for God’s guidance. Having truncated pockets of time, for instance, made me prioritize projects and focus on writing magazine articles and essays. Praise God, I’m close to my hundredth published piece! God is good, but he will answer us in his own way and on his own time. We just need to practice patience. Knowing that God will take care of us and lead us down the right path can help quell the anxieties we feel in the more silent seasons. And it’s always worth the wait: “At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen” (Isaiah 60:22). 

    Receiving letters from Tanna is a wonderful way to rekindle my friendship with her. I still feel like we “click” because we have similar interests and picked up where we left off from high school. Because writing a letter is intentional, effortful, and a time investment, we don’t waste paper and ink on surface-layer topics (What did you do this weekend? What do you like to watch?) and dive right into the deep end of our hearts (What are the stresses and anxieties we feel? What are our hopes and dreams?). The handwritten words feel more meaningful than a text message or email. This is especially true because Tanna’s cerebral palsy makes writing more challenging for her – and yet, she perseveres and wants to do it anyway. That melts my heart every time I read a letter from her.

    God also sends us proverbial handwritten letters. He invites us to his heart in every Mass through the Eucharist. And, he longingly waits for us to turn to him each and every day – even when we turn our backs on him. He is eternally patient. We only need to give ourselves the time to write back to him.