Tag: Faith in Everyday Life

  • Lessons from St. Teresa: How to Be the Eyes, Hands, and Feet of Christ

    Lessons from St. Teresa: How to Be the Eyes, Hands, and Feet of Christ

    Christ has no body but yours,
    No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
    Yours are the eyes with which he looks
    Compassion on this world,
    Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,
    Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world.
    Yours are the hands, yours are the feet,
    Yours are the eyes, you are his body.
    Christ has no body now but yours,
    No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
    Yours are the eyes with which he looks
    compassion on this world.
    Christ has no body now on earth but yours. — St. Teresa of Ávila

    When I first read the words of this beautiful prayer by St. Teresa of Ávila, I felt they truly summed up how I wanted to live my life — by sharing God’s love with those around me. My own prayer became focused on finding ways to love the people I meet, even in the routine circumstances of my day.

    He was perhaps 5 years old, standing in my open doorway and waiting for me to notice him. When I greeted the little boy, he whispered in his best English: “My mother asks you give her painkillers. Her tooth is hurting.”

    Because my husband and I run a tourist lodge in Gambia, I spend the winter months in this tiny West African country. Many people live hand-to-mouth, and finding money to go to a health clinic is beyond them. Our neighbors know I keep a basic first aid kit and painkillers on hand, so it’s a rare week when someone doesn’t appear at our door asking for help. It’s one small way I can show love to my community.

    Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself, and he lived out that commandment daily. He brought God’s love to those on the margins of society, stood up against injustice, and showed compassion for those he met.

    RELATED: Who Is St. Teresa of Ávila?

    St. Teresa was born in Spain in 1515. As a young woman, she became a Carmelite nun, but for many years she found it difficult to devote herself as fully to God as she wanted. But eventually, after a series of visions, she felt herself becoming closer and closer to God, founding her own religious order despite much opposition. She focused on living a life of simplicity and experiencing God’s love, motivating her to show that love to those around her. This famous prayer sums up her attitude.

    It’s become a very real inspiration for me here in one of the poorest countries in Africa. Here are a few ways you too can bring this prayer to life:

    Yours are the eyes that look with compassion

    When Jesus looked at people he met, he didn’t judge them by the standards of the day. He looked beyond the outward circumstances of their lives — circumstances that sometimes invited condemnation from the religious leaders and the community — and showed love toward them. Think about his compassionate exchange with the woman caught in adultery or his interactions with Zacchaeus, the tax collector reviled in his community. With these examples in mind, I’m trying to look at others with the same compassion, without judging or condemning, even those who perhaps don’t invite it easily.

    Yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world

    Jesus used his hands to work as a skilled carpenter. We, too, have skills we can use to help others, such as helping a friend fix their car, using your gifts to update the church website, or cleaning up a neighbor’s yard after a storm.

    Jesus also blessed people with his hands, like the children who were brought to him despite the disciples’ disapproval. In the past, I’ve cooked a meal for an elderly neighbor, sewed drapes for a friend’s new home, and soothed a fretful baby so a new mom could steal some sleep. These are all practical ways we can use our hands to bless others.

    And Jesus also used his hands to heal. He spread mud on a blind man’s eyes, lifted Jairus’ daughter from her deathbed, and even touched lepers despite the fear and revulsion of most people at the time. We can all hold the hand of a sick friend when praying for their healing, console a teen who’s disappointed after not making the team, or hug a grieving friend.

    RELATED: 9 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend (That Aren’t Bringing a Meal)

    Yours are the feet that walk to do good

    Jesus walked everywhere, crisscrossing the region constantly because walking was the only way to travel unless you were rich. During his journeying, Jesus reached out to others. He talked with the woman at the well and taught those who walked miles and sat for hours just to listen to him speak. He even walked to Bethany, knowing that his friend Lazarus had died, to comfort Martha and Mary and ultimately raise Lazarus to life again.

    Use your feet to do good by doing a walk or run for charity. A few years back, I raised money for Cancer Research UK by taking part in a 5K run. The thought that I was helping others was a great motivation when I was training! By extension, drive a friend to a doctor’s appointment or take a neighbor to the grocery store. You might travel yourself to visit a friend in the hospital or volunteer at a shelter for the homeless. Some might even feel called to travel worldwide, perhaps to serve on a hospital ship or volunteer their medical expertise.

    Learning to live St. Teresa’s prayer means looking for opportunities to bring God’s love to others, including small acts of compassion in our daily lives. Praying St. Teresa’s prayer has made me much more aware of God’s compassion toward people I meet every day — in line at the grocery store, waiting for the bus, or simply someone I pass in the street. I feel closer to God because I’m learning to see others through his eyes. So every day, I’m trying to look for ways to use my hands, feet, and whole body to show God’s love to everyone.

    Originally published May 23, 2018.

  • How My Struggle With Infertility Deepened My Relationship With Mary

    How My Struggle With Infertility Deepened My Relationship With Mary

    Photo of the Virgin Mary pregnant with Christ.
    Photo by Carolina BR on Cathopic.

    Editorial note: The following article contains mentions of pregnancy/infant loss.

    The desire to become a mother took me by surprise. Beyond early childhood years of wanting five daughters named after American Girl dolls, having kids wasn’t on my radar. However, after two years of marriage, I faced the possibility of having kids with a heart of hope. What I didn’t know at the time was that an unexpected diagnosis would make becoming pregnant more challenging than I ever thought possible.

    “You have PCOS. How has no one told you that before?” 

    I met my doctor’s gaze through the webcam. I had pushed for a meeting after months of being seen by well-intentioned but uninformed medical technicians. This diagnosis came after working with OBGYNs, holistic practitioners, and even acupuncturists while on the search for an answer to family-building. The diagnosis, though, was less of a path forward and more of a cul-de-sac.

    LISTEN: Coping With Infertility

    Turning towards Mary’s holy help

    I knew God was listening. However, He felt far away. I needed a girlfriend with whom to commiserate, a mother figure who would help me. I thought about this during my weekly Thursday night Adoration hour.

    “Am I not your mother […] how else can I help?”

    I reread the last line of Mary’s message under a painting of Our Lady of Guadalupe on the wall of my parish’s Adoration chapel. I figured if I needed help on the journey toward motherhood, who better to rely on than the Mother of Mothers? My heart began to ease as I spoke. 

    Holy Mary, I ask for your help. That you would intercede for me and ask God that if it’s not His will for me to have a child, to please, please, take the desire from my heart. 

    After another disappointing fertility cycle, I decided to try one more time. My husband, who never pressured me to have children, agreed I should take a break if this next one didn’t pan out. 

    Mary, I ask for your help again. For your holy intercession through Jesus Christ, your son my Lord, to God that it could be his holy will that I become pregnant this time. 

    As I called out to Mary, again and again, words appeared in my mind. In my head I heard, “I will help you become a mother because you first went to my mother.” I was still as that notion began to increase my confidence that maybe it was almost time. 

    RELATED: Turning to Mary in Difficult Times

    Mary’s light in dark times

    A week after my 35th birthday, the doctor’s office confirmed that not only was my positive at-home pregnancy test accurate, but also — I was having twins. After the initial shock, I imagined my bump and how I would reveal the news. My prayer life and budding relationship with Mary continued to grow as well. It all felt too good to be true, but I pushed those thoughts away.  

    At 12 weeks, I woke up and went into the bathroom. I was bleeding. Terror filled within me as I sat there trying to figure out what to do. My husband turned on his bedside lamp and we called the doctor. 

    The on-call nurse said I would need to wait until the doctor’s office opened. As I laid on wet bed sheets, I saw my grandmother’s painting of Our Lady of Guadalupe hanging in the room across the hallway. My eyes locked on her serene face and hands folded in prayer and thought, “Am I not your mother? How else can I help?” 

    Oh Mary, please help me. Please help my babies. Keep them there. Oh Mary, please. 

    My reliance on the Holy Mother’s intercession and listening ear was all that I had, and I found it to be the only thing I needed. Later that morning, I was bumped up to be the first seen by the medical technician. I burst into tears when she found two beating hearts. 

    RELATED: I Never Connected With the Rosary… Until I Became a Mother

    At the beginning of my journey to motherhood, I felt that there would be a natural conclusion to my prayer — a time when I wouldn’t need to rely on the Holy Mother as much as before. First it was becoming pregnant, but she was there during my pregnancy to hear my fears and joys. Then, I thought that after I gave birth, the journey would conclude and I wouldn’t have to “bother” her so much. However, I still rely on Mary every moment of every day. 

    When my boys wake up, I thank her for praying over them during the night. I ask her to watch over them as they explore which comes with the inevitable toddles and falls. Mostly, I ask her to help me to be the best mother I can be in each moment. To not stress so much about the little things, but to continue to trust in God. I jokingly ask her to pray for my kids through my mistakes while I earnestly navigate the learning curve of motherhood.    

    My path towards motherhood led me to Mary’s perfect example of seeking light through dark times. Mary’s faithfulness to God and her unceasing love continues to be an option for all of us to choose daily when seeking hope. 

  • How to Be Kinder to Yourself

    How to Be Kinder to Yourself

    I want to live a simple, joyful life. I don’t want it to be complicated—I don’t want my happiness to be dependent on luxuries and comforts that I cannot afford. In my quest for such simplicity, I am inspired by the life and example of St. Francis of Assisi. I’m often impressed by Francis’ ability to deny himself the pleasures life has to offer.

    The idea of self-care was not a primary concern for him. Francis used to refer to his body as “Brother Ass” because he treated it like one. “A person’s worst enemy is the flesh,” he once said. “All its concern is how to squander the present. What is worse, it claims for itself and takes credit for what was given not to it, but to the soul.” Francis would deny himself any comforts, even those that were necessary for him to accommodate the many illnesses he suffered late in his life.

    As Francis lay dying, he was asked by one of the brothers if he had any regrets, if there was anything he would have done differently.

    “Yes,” he said. “I would have been kinder to Brother Ass.”

    RELATED: Experiencing God’s Love Through the Splendor of Creation

    St. Francis seems to be telling me that a healthy spirituality does not require me to sacrifice the things I enjoy. I don’t have to practice extreme self-denial. Rather, a healthy spirituality can—and perhaps should—make room for me to enjoy the simple pleasures and savor God’s many gifts. I find that when I do not spend at least part of my day outdoors—even if it as simple as taking my dogs for a walk to the park or watching the birds at my feeder while sipping a cup of tea—I am not a happy person; I do not feel whole. My spiritual life is the way I grow closer to God; it makes me whole. The happiness I feel in something as simple as watching a woodpecker hang from my feeder must, therefore, tell me something about God. It is a prayer as much as anything else. 

    You can make similar moments prayers of your own by following a few easy steps:

    Give thanks. Take a moment to thank God for whatever it is you’re doing. This can be as simple as saying “Thanks, God!” out loud. You can also take some time at the end of the day and review those things that brought you happiness. You may want to begin this act of gratitude with this prayer or something similar: “Heavenly Father, all good things come from you. Thank you for the many signs of your love I received today.” Gratitude helps you keep your attention on God from whom all blessings flow and not on the activity or yourself.

    Find God. Actively seek God’s presence in whatever it is you’re doing. You might notice God in a feeling or thought. God might make himself known through the presence of another. By actively seeking God, you will find that you are more attentive to God’s presence surrounding you.

    Share. Joy is not something we hoard. It is not something for our self alone. Joy can only be made complete when it is shared with another. Share your experience of joy with someone else. Even solitary activities can be shared through conversations and social media. For example, I post pictures on Instagram and Facebook of the birds I see when I go birdwatching; this helps me share the beauty I see, and, I hope, brings beauty into other people’s lives.

    RELATED: Living a Life of Gratitude

    We all need to find the time and place where we can enjoy the gifts God has given us. God wants us to be happy. True happiness fills us with God’s goodness and love. It satisfies us; it doesn’t leave us hungry and craving for more. True happiness leaves us feeling light and free, not burdened with the fear that it is fleeting. When we are truly happy, we find that we are filled with peace, kindness, gentleness, meekness, and generosity; we know that God alone is enough.

    Life is hard. We don’t need to make it any harder than it is. Take the time to seek out those things that bring you true happiness. For me and my wife Cathy, that can be as simple as watching the birds that visit our yard. I remember the first time I captured a picture of a Cedar Waxwing. We were sitting on our backyard patio, and Cathy pointed out a strange looking bird, something we had never seen before. We grabbed our camera and snapped a few pictures. We then saw another, and another, and another. Soon we noticed a whole flock of Cedar Waxwings perched in a tree, feeding on berries from its branches. We were so excited. That moment of relaxation on our patio had turned into a shared moment when we felt God’s love, goodness, and beauty.

    So, be kinder to Brother Ass and treat yourself to the simple pleasures that bring you joy. And don’t be surprised when you discover God enjoying them with you.

    Originally published September 18, 2019.

  • How To Talk to Those Who Disagree with You—and Still Love Them

    How To Talk to Those Who Disagree with You—and Still Love Them

    Two people having a conversation at a table.
    Photo by Christina Morillo on Pexels.

    A few years ago, during a Saturday session of my doctoral class called “Critical Issues in Educational Leadership,” we compared charter versus public schools, a controversial topic in the education sphere. Our conversation sparked a heated debate between two students, one of whom was the principal of a public school in Harlem and the other an assistant principal of a charter school in the Bronx. 

    I watched the debate with rapt attention, on the edge of my seat. The verbal sparring was elegant. Back and forth I moved my head, as if I were witnessing two seasoned tennis players duking it out in the U.S. Open finals.

    I don’t remember the exact arguments they made. But what I do remember is that right after the class broke for lunch, one of the debaters said to the other, “Do you want a burger and fries or pizza?” The other replied, “How about we each get something different and split?” And off they went to enjoy lunch as if nothing ever happened between them.

    The ease with which they switched from debaters to friends made me realize how desperately we need to revive congenial civility at a minimum and open-hearted, deep discussions at best. It’s okay if our loved ones don’t think like we do. But, instead of ignoring “taboo” topics, we should be able to talk about them without getting into shouting matches or arguments.  

    So, how can we disagree with others and still love them?

    Normalize discussions where we disagree by approaching each person as a child of God

    Growing up, my parents frequently hosted dinner parties for their friends. At every gathering, without fail, they would eventually tread into what we now consider stormy waters: religion, current events, history, and politics. And every gathering, they would engage in an all-out heated debate. After they aired their opinions, they would laugh and happily accept my mom’s offer of “Who wants cake?”

    Reminiscing on my childhood makes me long for a time when political or other serious discussions could be just another topic of conversation like books, movies, and the weather. I think we can open ourselves to serious topics — and actually enjoy discussing them — by practicing having candid, calm conversations without getting our hackles up. In this way, we are not only hearing each other out respectfully but learning about other points of view, which is at the heart of being a good citizen and a good person.

    A positive start to entertaining sticky conversations is to approach others the way God sees them: as his own precious children whom he knew even before birth (Jeremiah 1:5). If we look at someone we disagree with through the eyes of our loving Father, how can we not be moved to open our hearts? We can let our guard down and be a little more patient, kind, and merciful. 

    In high school, my friends and I would gather daily at a cafeteria lunch table and hash out various controversial topics: abortion, gun control, euthanasia, the Iraq War, and more. Sometimes, things got heated (and sometimes we were nerdy enough to prepare research for our discussions), but I can never recall a time when we crossed a boundary into personal attacks or made anyone feel lesser for thinking differently. In fact, we celebrated that we all disagreed because it made the conversation more stimulating and lunchtime more fun.

    I think today sometimes we forget to separate the perspective from the person. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, even if it differs from ours. 

    When our loved ones think differently about an important issue, it may feel like a personal affront. We want them to believe what we do, especially if what they believe appears antithetical to our Christian beliefs. But more likely than not, they aren’t disagreeing with us because they want to harm us. They have reasons for believing what they believe, and we need to be open-minded to hear them out. Trying to convince someone without listening to them is like shouting down a well: We only hear our own voice echoing back at us.  

    We can approach difficult conversations more calmly when we view each other as human beings who deserve decency and dignity. As children of God, God loves each one of us and invites us to his heart – no matter where we are or what we think. 

    Replace rage masquerading as passion with patience

    Oftentimes, the issues we are passionate about stem from deeper personal experiences, struggles, or trauma in our lives. As such, it can make us feel angry when others don’t see things our way. Channeled appropriately, anger can drive us to positive action. Anger is a normal emotional response that can be healthy when handled well. But if we masquerade our rage as “passion,” then we’re in trouble. Because it’s one thing to be deeply involved and concerned about something. It’s another thing to be belligerent or derogatory about it.

    For example, my mom and I once stood in line to take the East River Ferry to Manhattan. We were speaking in Polish. A man in back of us, angry at the state of immigration, said loudly to his friend, “These Polaks should go back to their own country” and proceeded to expand on the various reasons why immigrants, in his worldview, were detrimental to our country.

    Now, it’s one thing to hold the opinion that immigration systemically weakens a nation. But it’s another to insult or denigrate others because of this view.

    My mom and I decided the best course of action for us was to ignore him. We wouldn’t let him ruin a perfectly beautiful summer day, and arguing with a stranger would hardly be productive. I secretly wanted to wallop him, but, thank God, I had the restraint not to do so. 

    There are some practical things we can do to catch ourselves before our passion turns into proverbial road rage. Take a deep breath. Pause. Say a little prayer. Maybe not every conversation has to come to a close. Maybe we can pick up later when we’ve had time to breathe, especially if someone says something that’s offensive to us. If we feel comfortable, we can pause and tell the person how we feel or wait for another day to do so calmly. More often than not, if they are our friends or loved ones, they will hear us out. 

    At the end of the day, we should remember:

    It’s okay not to have the last word.

    It’s okay not to persuade someone to your point of view. 

    It’s okay not to “win.” 

    Because if all we try to do is “win,” then we lose the greatest thing of all: our capacity for kindness. Patience. Mercy. Love. 

    Our nation is deeply divided. But having conversations – no matter how small – can help narrow the divide, bring healing through understanding, and make our communities and country stronger. And that’s a real win.

  • Beyond the Pulpit: Unconventional Ways to Serve Your Church

    Beyond the Pulpit: Unconventional Ways to Serve Your Church

    Photo by Kelly Eliason on UnSplash

    As someone who serves on the “media ministry” team at my church, I’ve gained firsthand experience in the power of digital evangelism. Our team manages sound, lighting, and visual presentations during services, but more importantly, we broadcast sermons online to reach those unable to attend in person. It was only when I learned about homebound members, nursing home residents, and far-flung congregants tuning in that I truly grasped the importance of this ministry in spreading the Gospel and connecting with people.

    RELATED: Eccentric Evangelism: How I Use My Quirks to Spread the Gospel

    The evolution of church service roles reflects the changing landscape of how faith communities engage with their members and reach new audiences. While vocations to religious life remain vital, today’s Church also needs laypeople with diverse skill sets to minister effectively in our digital age.

    There are countless unexpected and creative ways individuals can contribute to their faith communities. Here are some lesser-known vocations and how they’re making a significant impact.

    1. Digital evangelists

    In our increasingly online world, the Church needs tech-savvy individuals to spread its message. Digital evangelists use social media, podcasting, and video production to reach new audiences. For example, Father Mike Schmitz’s “Bible in a Year” podcast became the #1 podcast in the US on Apple’s platform in 2021, demonstrating the power of digital ministry. Those interested in getting involved in digital evangelization could pitch an article, prayer, or podcast to a religious publication, or start a social media channel with a creative take on sharing the faith. 

    2. Environmental stewards

    Pope Francis’s encyclical “Laudato Si’” highlighted the importance of caring for our common home. This has led to a rise in faith-based environmental initiatives. Some churches now employ sustainability coordinators to reduce their carbon footprint and educate congregations on eco-friendly practices. Looking for helpful ways to get started? The United Nations and Earthday.org has plenty of resources for faith leaders across denominations to encourage more sustainable practice. 

    3. Sacred artists

    While religious art has a long history, modern sacred artists are finding new ways to express faith. From contemporary Christian music composers like Lauren Daigle or For King and Country to graphic designers creating faith-inspired merchandise like Not of This World or Elevated Faith, these creatives are making spirituality more accessible to younger generations through music and fashion. They blend contemporary styles with faith-based messages, appealing to a wide audience while maintaining their spiritual focus.

    RELATED: How Do I Serve the Church as a Layperson?

    4. Community garden coordinators

    Many churches are transforming unused land into community gardens. These spaces not only provide fresh produce for food banks but also serve as places of communion and education. Garden coordinators organize volunteers, plan harvests, and often integrate spiritual teachings into their work.

    5. Trauma-informed chaplains

    Specialized roles like trauma-informed care demonstrate how the Church is adapting to address contemporary challenges in serving communities. Trauma-informed chaplains combine theological knowledge with an understanding of psychological trauma, allowing them to provide more effective spiritual care in hospitals, prisons, or disaster relief situations. To pursue this career, one might start by obtaining a master’s degree in divinity or pastoral counseling, then seek additional training in trauma-informed care through organizations like the Trauma-Informed Care Project or the International Association of Trauma Professionals.

    6. Faith-based data analysts

    These professionals use data analytics to help churches better understand their congregations, measure the impact of outreach programs, and inform strategic decisions. Data experts can help churches gain valuable information about charitable giving, attendance patterns, parish demographics, volunteer engagement, and overall needs of the community. To enter this field, one could begin with a degree in data science, statistics, or a related field, and then seek opportunities to apply these skills within religious organizations. By leveraging these types of analyses, ministries can make more informed decisions, allocate resources more effectively, and ultimately grow their impact in their communities.

    7. Interfaith dialogue facilitators

    With increasing global interconnectedness, the ability to build bridges between different faiths is crucial. Some individuals dedicate themselves to organizing interfaith events, moderating discussions, and promoting understanding across religious boundaries.

    RELATED: Showing Up Imperfectly: What I Learned as a Hospital Chaplain

    8. Church archivists and historians

    Preserving the rich history of faith communities is vital. Church archivists and historians use modern technology to digitize records, create virtual tours of historic religious sites, and make centuries of wisdom accessible to new generations.

    9. Faith-based financial Advisors

    Stewardship of resources is an important aspect of many faiths. Some financial advisors specialize in helping individuals and religious organizations align their investments with their values, often focusing on socially responsible investing. Organizations like Compass Catholic teach practical financial discipleship and have programs for parishes and individuals alike. 

    10. Sports ministers

    Recognizing the power of sports to build community and character, some churches now employ sports ministers. These individuals organize leagues, coach teams, and use athletic activities as a platform for spiritual growth and outreach.

    11. Technology accessibility specialists

    As churches increasingly rely on technology for services and outreach, ensuring accessibility for all members is crucial. Specialists in this field work to make digital content accessible to those with visual, auditory, or other impairments.

    RELATED: 10 Ways to Serve Others When You Have Young Kids

    These unexpected vocations demonstrate that serving the Church is not limited to traditional roles. As society evolves, so do the ways individuals can contribute to their faith communities. Whether through technology, environmental stewardship, or creative arts, there are myriad opportunities for those feeling called to serve.

    By embracing these unexpected vocations, the Church demonstrates its ability to evolve and remain relevant in a rapidly changing world. Each of these roles, from digital evangelists to environmental stewards, creates new avenues for outreach and connection. They remind us that serving the Church isn’t confined to traditional roles or spaces, but can happen wherever people’s skills and passions intersect with the needs of their community.

    As we move forward, it’s exciting to imagine what new forms of ministry might emerge. The key is to remain open to new possibilities, recognizing that every skill and talent can be a powerful tool for sharing faith and building community. Contact your local parish to see if opportunities like these are available, or if your parish community would be open to starting a new program.

  • Who is Padre Pio of Pietrelcina? Examining His Inspiring Story of Faith and Trust

    Who is Padre Pio of Pietrelcina? Examining His Inspiring Story of Faith and Trust

    Photo by Maria Paula Campisi on Cathopic

    Padre Pio of Pietrelcina is one of the Catholic Church’s best-known saints and stigmatists whose life serves as a true testament to radical love of God and neighbor. While the majority of his time on this earth was characterized by intense illness and suffering, Padre Pio’s example reveals to us how much more God’s grace abounds in the midst of our troubles when we unite our suffering to Christ crucified. The Catholic Church celebrates this beloved Italian saint’s feast day on September 23. 

    As is probably the case for many young Catholics of Italian descent, I first encountered Padre Pio in the form of pictures and prayer cards that decorated the home of my grandparents – a tailor and seamstress who emigrated from the Southern Italian region of Puglia. My nonno and nonna often told me stories about this holy man, instilling in me a deep admiration for his devotion to prayer and his profound love for Jesus. Now my favorite saint and intercessor (after the Blessed Virgin Mother, of course), Padre Pio continues to inspire me as a role model in faith and courage as I navigate my own spiritual journey. 

    RELATED: Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry: Learning From Padre Pio’s Words of Wisdom

    Born Francesco Forgione to poor Southern Italian farmers on May 25, 1887, Saint Pio’s life of faith had an extraordinary beginning in that he consecrated himself to Jesus at just 5 years old. Young Francesco was gifted with the ability to see and speak to his guardian angel and innocently believed everyone enjoyed the same privilege.

    At the age of 10, Francesco informed his parents of his wish to become a Capuchin friar, and five years later, he was accepted into the order’s novitiate, where he would prepare to enter religious life. It was at this point that he took the name Pio in honor of the second-century bishop of Rome, Pope Pius I. After completing his training, he was ordained to the priesthood at 23 years old.

    Padre Pio’s special grace as a young priest was clear to all those who encountered him. He was known to spend the majority of his day praying and holding confessions. The friar often entered into silent contemplation of Christ’s Passion during his celebration of the Holy Mass, so it was not uncommon for his Masses to last several hours. News of Padre Pio’s mystifying spirituality quickly spread, drawing pilgrims from around the world to seek his spiritual guidance, confessions, and the powerful experience of his Mass. 

    Having endured markedly poor health since the time he was a child, the Capuchin priest understood his suffering as a God-given opportunity for sanctification, offering it to Christ for the conversion of sinners and as expiation for the souls in purgatory. Padre Pio expressed his ever-growing passion for this penitential sacrifice to his spiritual father in a letter, demonstrating his total surrender to the will of God in the words, “It seems to me that Jesus wants this.” 

    LISTEN: Discussing Heaven and Purgatory With Leonard DeLorenzo

    Inspired by his example, I strive to emulate the radical love of neighbor that Padre Pio embodied by offering up my own sufferings for the holy souls in purgatory just as he did. In doing so, I have learned to recognize the unique grace spoken about by many Catholic saints that is experienced when one embraces suffering with humility and gratitude. 

    At the age of 31, Pio received the stigmata – the real, bleeding wounds of Christ in his hands, feet, side, and shoulder – as he was praying before a crucifix. United to Christ’s Passion, Padre Pio bore these painful wounds for 50 years, and from them emanated the distinct aroma of violets that followed Pio wherever he went. When asked on one occasion if the wounds caused him pain, he smiled and replied, “Do you think the Lord gave them to me for decoration?” The wounds miraculously healed without a trace upon his death.

    The extraordinary life of Padre Pio serves as a guiding light to the faithful on how we can deepen our devotion to loving and serving our neighbors. For us laypeople who do not physically bear the wounds of Christ and cannot administer the sacrament of Reconciliation, what we can do is take seriously the need to pray for one another, especially the souls in purgatory who can no longer atone for their past sins. “We must empty purgatory with our prayers,” was one of Saint Pio’s oft-repeated phrases. Like the Capuchin priest, we are called to do all that we can with whatever graces God has given us to work selflessly for the salvation of our brothers and sisters, remembering that each and every soul is infinitely precious to our God. One of my personal favorite prayers for the souls in purgatory can be found here. 

    RELATED: 7 Ways to Pray for the Holy Souls in Purgatory This November 

    We can also look to Saint Pio as a shining example of complete and constant trust in the Lord when we find ourselves in challenging times. In fact, this saint’s story attests that it is through our suffering, rather than in spite of it, that we are brought closer to Jesus. As he carried the agonizing wounds of Christ’s Passion for 50 long years, Pio willingly embraced his affliction because he understood that suffering endured out of love for Christ brings sanctification. Like Padre Pio, we too can learn to recognize God in the midst of our hardships and take comfort in knowing that He faithfully sustains us through it all. In his own words, Saint Pio reassures us that “When we suffer, Jesus is closer to us.” I hold these words dear when I encounter difficult moments, confident that we are never abandoned in our suffering, but instead drawn nearer to the Lord who came into this world to suffer for our sake so that we may be redeemed. 

    With the same confidence in our Lord as the humble priest from Pietrelcina, let us always be guided by Padre Pio’s simple, yet beautiful profession of faith: “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.”

  • God Never Gives Up on Us: Lessons From My Journey of Meeting My Fiancée

    God Never Gives Up on Us: Lessons From My Journey of Meeting My Fiancée

    A woman's hands are resting on a table with a wooden crucifix and a Bible.Sometimes, it feels like God abandons us. The disciples might have felt this way after the Crucifixion. Or, at least, they felt downcast, their hopes dashed; the prospect of building the kingdom without their leader seemed bleak and pointless. Their whole world had been shaken and flipped upside down. Jesus, their point of reference and the truth by which they viewed existence lay in a tomb.

    In my own prayer life, I’ve faced issues that seemed hopeless. I have prayed for certain blessings for a while, but, growing impatient when my prayers go unanswered, I stop asking for those petitions. I get in the lazy habit of assuming my desire is not in accord with God’s will.

    However, I’ve found that even if I give up on my prayers and my dreams, God doesn’t. Those prayers that I let peter out after I grow tired of asking for the same thing time and again are prayers that God nevertheless uses for my benefit and his glory.

    RELATED: Try These Unique Forms of Prayer When You’re in a Spiritual Rut

    For years, I prayed to God to send me a spouse and to make me a good husband and father along the way. I joined a local Bible study where our leader introduced us to a St. Raphael prayer for singles in search of a spouse. For months, I prayed this devotedly almost every night. But eventually, the consistency slackened, and I stopped altogether.

    Time went by, and I hadn’t gone to Bible study for several weeks. Then, during a pilgrimage to some beautiful Chicago churches, I bumped into our group leader. She wanted to know why I hadn’t been coming; I had no legitimate excuse. She also said there was a new woman who had joined Bible study. I had nothing else better going on Thursday nights. So God brought me back to the group. 

    That summer, I got acquainted with Ellen, our new member, who came to the study in search of a friend group (and, just possibly, a significant other). 

    RELATED: A Pathway to Holiness: A Single Man’s Search for Vocation

    Summer passed, autumn came, and after midnight following a Halloween party, I asked Ellen out on a date. She graciously accepted, and since then, she has listened, cared for, comforted, and loved me, which, as a certain aged Hobbit might observe, “is better than I deserve.” Her desire for a family, the intention to raise children in the faith, her spontaneity, genius, and sharing of herself when she knows I need consolation are part of what makes her the perfect partner.

    Now here I sit, a few weeks out from our wedding. After I proposed, Ellen revealed she also prayed to find someone to share her life with. God, in his design and timing, made us the answer to each other’s prayers. It gives me real Tobiah and Sarah vibes! As the Scripture reveals, St. Raphael played the matchmaker in their lives too.

    I have no doubt Raphael interceded on my behalf. Reflecting back on that time of spiritual dismay before meeting Ellen, I realized I had given up on God, thinking that he didn’t want what I so strongly felt drawn to — marriage. But that’s not how vocations work. God had a plan.

    RELATED: Looking for a Sign From God? Try These Prayer Practices Instead

    The same was true after Jesus’ death. The Apostles had also given up: If Jesus really was who he said he was, why was he dead? In response, they returned to their former lives. In John: 21, St. Peter says he’s going fishing. Jesus, who had called him to be a fisher of men, appears on the scene and draws Peter back to land. When the disciples get ashore, they find Jesus relaxing by a charcoal fire, and they share a simple breakfast of baked fish.

    It’s a cozy, calming scene. That’s the soothing effect of Jesus in our lives. Yet, we so quickly lose hope. In the same way he ridiculed Peter elsewhere, Jesus could also complain of us: “You of little faith!” (Matthew 14:31).

    What God taught me, as he taught Peter too, is that no matter the weakness of our faith and hope in him, Jesus never gives up on us. It’s his all-powerful determination that brought him to the Cross. It’s his grace that will bring me and Ellen to the altar and the rest of our lives together.

  • 7 Steps for Navigating Challenging Conversations

    7 Steps for Navigating Challenging Conversations

    Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

    From the time I was young, I was taught that there are two subjects that should never be discussed in mixed company: religion and politics. The last thing my parents wanted spoiling a nice evening with friends or relatives was a heated debate over contentious issues. As kids, my sister and I learned to limit our topics of conversation to what we were learning in school and the movies we had recently seen.

    What was a successful strategy for managing dinner parties, though, may not be an ideal goal in other contexts. Simply avoiding a difficult topic doesn’t make it go away. But talking about controversial subjects in the usual I’m-right-and-you’re-stupid manner we see every time we turn on the TV or open the newspaper doesn’t either. The unrest over racial justice we’ve witnessed during the past several months and the divisive, mean-spirited rhetoric that characterizes our political discourse today make it painfully clear that we have a long way to go in “loving our neighbors” if we can’t even talk with them.    

    LISTEN: Handling Post-Election Family Arguments

    But it doesn’t have to be that way. Like anything else that’s challenging, talking with people who are different from us – in terms of race, religion, socioeconomic status, political views – requires the careful use of specific skills to be successful. The book, Crucial Conversations, outlines several of these important skills. At work, I was part of a group of managers who were trained on these skills in a corporate setting to help us have the tough conversations we needed to have with employees we supervise. Through that experience, I began to realize that my parents’ approach to talking with guests is not the way to understand and connect with someone who is important to me whose views are very different from my own.  

    1. Know when it’s crucial

    A “crucial conversation” involves three key elements: differing opinions, strong emotions, and high stakes. Certainly, conversations involving differing views on race and politics can be considered “crucial.” Others include things like ending a relationship or addressing someone who has hurt us. The authors argue that whenever we find ourselves “stuck,” there is a crucial conversation that we are either doing poorly or avoiding altogether.  

    2. Be clear on motive

    To be successful, both parties need to share the same goal. If my goal in talking with you is to “win a debate” or to “prove that I’m right,” then I’m not ready to have a crucial conversation. If, on the other hand, I truly want to understand your point of view and want you to understand mine and if we both want to find a solution that works for each of us, then we are ready.

    3. Start with observable facts

    The best way to open the conversation is with indisputable facts. If I tell my boss, “I think you are prejudiced against the black females in our department,” I have begun with a negative opinion that will put him or her immediately on the defensive. Instead, if I start with, “I see that the last five people promoted in our department were all white and four of them were male,” then there is nothing to dispute.  Starting with verifiable facts gets the conversation going in the right direction.

    LISTEN: Mary Ann Steutermann Talks About How to Have Crucial Conversations

    4. Then, tell your story

    The authors argue that every issue has two components: the facts and “the story we tell ourselves about the facts.” Therefore, I should follow my fact-sharing with, “The story I tell myself about those promotions is that black females in our department don’t have the same shot at advancement as white males do. Is that how you interpret the situation or is there another way to look at it?” This allows me to put forward my viewpoint but in a way that leaves the door to other interpretations. It’s important to ask for the other person’s “story” too, not just advance our own.

    5. Beware of “silence” and “violence”

    The key to a productive conversation is for each person to feel “safe” throughout, meaning that each person feels respected, and both parties share a common goal. When people start to feel unsafe, they either become “silent” by holding back or “violent” by resorting to insults or accusations. If I see any of these signs, I must pull back from the conversation to get it back to a place of safety for both of us.

    6. Restore mutual respect

    If I have created an unsafe environment by being disrespectful, then the only way to fix it is to sincerely apologize with something like, “I’m sorry. I should not have said that you are biased. Really, you are a very fair boss which is evident by the way you manage the vacation schedule and holiday hours.” When we are wrong, we need to own it. 

    But sometimes we haven’t done anything wrong; we’ve just been misinterpreted. In these instances, the skill to use is “contrasting,” where we make it clear what we are NOT trying to say. If my boss thinks I have judged him as a poor leader, he will feel unsafe and not want to continue the conversation. But I can avoid this by saying, “I don’t mean to suggest that you are not a great manager. Our department has been at least twice as productive since you have been in the role, and I am happy to come to work each day. I just think that we may need to look at how promotions are decided with an eye toward race and gender.”  

    7. Restore mutual purpose

    Another way that people begin to feel unsafe in a crucial conversation is when it starts to appear that we no longer share the same purpose.  Continually affirming the common goal can help avoid the fear of hidden agendas. When we take a step back to remember where we do agree, it’s easier to address the areas where we don’t.

    My parents probably had the right idea in teaching me not to bring up difficult topics at parties with their friends. But what works at the dinner table in mixed company does not work to help us heal some of the brokenness among us. True, having crucial conversations with those we care about can be very challenging.  But by using these skills, we can “love our neighbor” in positive, practical ways that unite rather than divide. 

     

    Originally published on Nov 4, 2020.

  • Breaking the Cycle: How I Stopped Worshipping My Phone

    Breaking the Cycle: How I Stopped Worshipping My Phone

    Dad using smartphone while toddler son playsA few weeks ago, my wife and I were running errands with our 1-year-old and 3-year-old. Since they were tired and a little cranky, she ran into the grocery store to get bread while I waited in the car with the boys.

    I pulled out my phone and started to answer emails and scroll through social media. 

    My older son, Benedict, began to ask me questions about random things — and I continued to scroll on my phone as I answered him. After about two minutes, Ben said, “Daddy, get off your phone. I’m talking to you.” He wasn’t stating it angrily. His tone was more sad that his father was not paying attention to him. At that moment, I felt like I was choosing my phone over my son. I was ashamed, but I felt something else: convicted to love him more. So, I put my phone down in the car, and I pledged to put it down more often. 

    LISTEN: Father Dave Talks Mental Health and Social Media

    We all know that people of all ages have become addicted to their phones. They have become an extension of our bodies. According to Consumer Affairs, “on average, cell phone users look at their phones 144 times a day,” and the average American spends 4 hours and 39 minutes on their phone every day. That means we spend almost 70 days staring at that small rectangular device in our pockets over the course of a year. 

    In many ways, I worshipped my phone. What we worship is what we spend the most time thinking about and what we care most about. Worship is what orients our time, energy, and attention. 

    When Ben called me out about my phone, it didn’t feel good, but choosing to separate myself from my phone certainly did. I realized that my phone was keeping me from loving my family more and distracting me from opportunities to pray more often. So, I began to place my phone in my room when I got home from work until the kids went to bed. This freed me to be so much more attentive to my kids and my wife. I was looking them in the eyes; I was more willing to simply play on the floor with my sons. 

    RELATED: God First: Discerning Where Idols Are in Our Lives

    I also found myself freer from the worries of that particular workday and more present with my family, rather than thinking about what others were saying on social media or the score of the sports game. I became more concerned with the person in front of me rather than a screen, and, quite frankly, more happy because I wasn’t living through my device; I was living for my loved ones. 

    I also began to charge my phone on my dresser rather than my nightstand to avoid numbingly scrolling through social media or the internet at night. This made me more eager to speak to my wife about our day or to pray for an extended period before bed. The unproductive time I would have spent on my phone became a time for true worship. 

    The combination of healthier relationships in my family and more intimate prayer time has allowed me to further appreciate the need to be detached from my phone. It also helped me understand that by loving God first, along with my family, I was placing the one who is to be worshipped alone in his proper place. 

    This week, consider your phone habits. Look up your screen time and reflect on if those around you would claim that you occasionally choose your phone over conversation with them. If so, make a commitment to put it down. Then watch and see how your worship of God and relationships can flourish.