Tag: sacrament of reconciliation

  • Three Steps for Coming Back to Church

    Three Steps for Coming Back to Church

    I often run into people who, upon finding out that I work in the Catholic Church, inform me that they’ve been away from church for some time. Many aren’t angry with the Church (though some are and often have good reason for being so!), rather they’ve simply fallen out of practice. Many tell me that they’d really like to return but they’re “afraid the roof will cave in.” It can be quite anxiety-provoking to come back to church. Who knows what kind of feelings this might stir up? The truth is that relief, not anxiety, is the central emotion that many people feel upon “coming home” to the Catholic Church.

    But how does one “come home”? Do you need a formal invitation? Is there a need to announce one’s absence and return? Here are three initial steps to take when you’ve made the decision to attend church once again.

    1. Show up

    Start by talking with your Catholic friends who attend church regularly. Back when I was in radio, many people I worked with knew I was a churchgoer and would tell me that they were looking for a place to attend but were too afraid to walk in on their own. I would always offer the invitation to attend with me. So ask around! Find someone you’d like to go to church with and then make a “church date” and attend with them. You can also investigate a local parish if you’re there for a wedding, baptism, funeral, or other event. You might take some extra time to pray and seek out the pastor or associate pastor afterwards for confession.

    2. Reconcile

    The Sacrament of Reconciliation is always a good option for those of us who have been away from church for some time. If you start out by attending Mass with friends or by yourself, pick up a church bulletin and find out what time the Sacrament of Reconciliation is offered in that parish, or if you’re lucky, the priest presiding at Mass might have some spare time to hear your confession that day. This sacrament reconciles us to both God and the community. The priest represents the community as well as our merciful God who forgives us. Like the Prodigal Son who came home after a long absence, God and the Church rejoice in our returning home again. So, we ritualize that celebration with the Sacrament of Reconciliation where we admit our faults and rejoice in the mercy of God. Nervous? Check out Busted Halo’s Sacraments 101 video about Reconciliation and walk with another young adult through her first confession in 10 years, captured in this video from World Youth Day.

    3. Join

    Some parishes call this “registering.” When you do this, you are saying that you wish to be a regular member of that particular parish community. You may be asked how you came to know the church, what you like about the parish, and what activities the church has that interest you. You may also be asked how you wish to contribute to the parish’s financial well-being. Remember, being part of the community means chipping in! Some parishes have a “New Parishioner Welcome Night” where you register and find out a bit more about the place. The parish, in turn, can find out more about you. Don’t be afraid of committing — putting your name down may just help you resist the temptation to drift away again after a while.

    Looking for more help making the transition?

    Some people prefer to take a little more time with their return to the church. Here are some programs designed to help with the transition back into the community:

    • Catholics Come Home is inspired by the call to a New Evangelization and is reaching out to inactive Catholics with inspiring media, which asks visitors to “open a door” and discover (or rediscover) the truth and depth of the Church.
    • Once Catholic will connect you with a community of Catholics as you sort through your issues with the Church.
    • Landings is an eight-week support group where people returning to the church get to tell their stories, discern a place in the Church, and find a way home.
    • Your local parish might also be doing something specifically for “returning Catholics,” so check out the parish bulletin or newsletter, or inquire with the priest.

    The truth is that coming back to church isn’t as scary as it sounds. And there are lots of great resources that can help you as you continue your spiritual journey here at Busted Halo — podcasts, videos about Church teaching, answers to your questions of faith, engaging articles about faith and spirituality, and much more. So, with these three steps as your guide — get out there and go (back) to church!

    Originally published February 12, 2013.

  • A New Perspective on Our Faith: A Look at First Reconciliation Through My Daughter’s Eyes

    A New Perspective on Our Faith: A Look at First Reconciliation Through My Daughter’s Eyes

    A young girl goes to confession
    Photo by Yandry Fernández Perdomo on Cathopic

    My daughter is in second grade, which means it is the year of her First Communion. When she began her religious education classes at our parish this year, her dad and I were focused on preparing her for this milestone. We had prayers to practice, doctrines to discuss, and — as my daughter kept reminding me — a dress to dream about and purchase.    

    While the weekend of her First Communion was beautiful, what I found in the time leading up to it was that it was not that sacrament that my daughter was focused on most. It was the Sacrament of Reconciliation she was particularly curious about.

    What would she tell the priest? My daughter wondered. Would she talk to our parish priest specifically, the one she knows, the one who plays the harmonica and likes chocolate? Would he dislike her after she told her sins to him?  

    LISTEN: Preparing Your Kids for First Reconciliation and First Communion

    At dinner, my daughter would pretend to whisper her sins to her older brother, and he would laugh. If you knew her, you would know that this was a sign of how nervous she was about the experience, joking to cover up her worries, playing pretend to imagine the experience.

    As someone who converted to Catholicism at age 28, I felt as if I couldn’t always field my daughter’s questions or worries in the best way. I had never been a child participating in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and children see the world through different lenses than adults. How was I to guide her and ease her nervousness?

    I talked with her about my experience with First Reconciliation, which she joked must have been hours long because I was almost 30 when I went. Just think about all of those sins I had to recount, she jested. While I didn’t recount all of my sins with her as I did during my first Confession, what I did share with her was the feeling of relief I experienced after it.

    I told her I was nervous like her when I went the first time, and I still get nervous, every time. Somehow, though, my soul always feels healed afterward. God’s grace, working through the priest, transforms my heart, and I feel lighter. The sacrament is a gift, and the nervousness we feel before we go to Confession is natural because, unlike Christ, we aren’t perfect. We sin, and so we try to reconcile ourselves and our hearts with him. This is how I tried to explain it to her at least, focusing on the feelings after the Confessional experience rather than what seemed to be the worries plaguing her heart before it.

    RELATED: Busted Halo’s Guide to Confession

    On the day of her First Confession, my daughter dressed up, not in her communion dress, but in one of her other favorites. To her, that Saturday felt as momentous as the next day, the day of her First Communion, would be. After all, one could not happen without the other. We practiced her confessional prayer before we left. We also discussed how she didn’t need to share anything she divulged about her sins in the confessional with her parents, her brother, or even the family dog unless she wanted to. 

    When we arrived at the parish and waited in line with the other children, she hopped from one foot to the next. There was a palpable sense of nervousness in the air. Some of the kids remarked noisily about their feelings, others simply stared, wide-eyed. On the car ride over, my daughter had wondered aloud if her confession would be longer or shorter than others, which might explain why she had inquired so persistently about the length of my first one.

    As she ventured into the booth during her turn, I thought about the times as a family we had gone together and she had waited on me. What must it be like, as a child, to know your parents are receiving forgiveness for their sins? 

    Throughout this year, my family has made it a point to go to confession together during each liturgical season, and I have been cognizant of my daughter’s eyes on me, searching and following, contemplating her own future steps in the Church as she grows up in it — and she sees her family growing up in it, too. 

    I speak with her often about how, as a child, she gets to experience the faith in a different way than I did because she receives many of the sacraments over time in her life (i.e. Baptism, Reconciliation, Communion, Confirmation), whereas I received them fairly close together in an RCIA setting. Through witnessing her journey, my faith deepens because I experience the sacraments anew, this time with a child’s gaze. We learn together, I tell her. She teaches me, as much as I do her. 

    WATCH: Confession 101

    With this said, God teaches us all through his sacraments, through these channels of God’s grace. I am reminded of Psalm, 32:8, which reads, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” Throughout this year, I have felt God’s loving eye on both my daughter and me. Our journey toward her Reconciliation has been one of growth and togetherness.

    It is likely not a surprise that when my daughter came out of the confessional, she looked lighter. Her smile of relief mixed with joy is one I’ll never forget. We did her penance together. 

    On the way home, I saw she had grabbed my phone and had texted her dad who was working that day. “She was very nervous!” she wrote about herself. Imagine a few thousand cry/laugh emojis attached to this text.

    After I took my phone back, I told her that while she may have been nervous, I was also a little nervous (to which she laughed), but that she did great.

    “We both did great,” she responded.

    In the end, preparing my daughter for the Sacrament of Reconciliation not only laid the groundwork for her to enter more fully into the Church, but also reconciled me closer to her, to God, and the sacraments that drew me to convert to the faith in the first place. 

    It deepened our connection to each other, and most importantly, to God’s love and his wondrous works in the world — in my family’s hearts.