Tag: mental health

Keeping the Faith After Loss: Catholic Resources for Those Affected by Suicide

Ahead of this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day, we at Busted Halo prayerfully remember and pray for the souls of those who have died by suicide, for people who are vulnerable to suicide, and for those who are impacted by loss. As Catholics, we believe in the sanctity and dignity of every human life, no matter the struggles they face. We are called to support those who are struggling with compassion, empathy, and well-informed action and awareness efforts.

We hope these articles and podcasts on suicide and resources for those impacted by it, enlighten, offer consolation, and inspire hope.

What Happens to the Soul of Someone Who Commits Suicide?

“Many people were raised thinking that the soul of a person who commits suicide can never be redeemed. Father Dave addresses these concerns and misconceptions, making specific reference to the Catechism, which says, ‘We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.’

Father Dave continues, ‘We pray for people who have committed suicide in the same way we pray for anyone who has died. We pray for their soul.’”

Do People Who Commit Suicide Go to Hell?

“In today’s times, we know much more about mental illness than ever before. We now know that anyone who commits suicide is not in control over their own actions. For something to be sinful, by definition, it needs to be done willfully, meaning, we need to be free to make the choice to commit the act in the first place and we have to know that the act is sinful.

So therefore, if one is not in control over their own actions, they cannot be held responsible for what they have done, suicide included.”

9 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend (That Aren’t Bringing a Meal)

“From my own experiences, I’ve learned that while the standard ‘Please let me know if there’s anything I can do’ means well, concrete action provides so much more assistance. When you know a friend is laid low in the mire of grief or despair, don’t wait for their call. Take action. Step in. Show up. Whether it’s bringing a meal or doing something less orthodox, any practical help will be welcomed with immense gratitude.”

Grieving a Loved One’s Loss to Suicide

“What we hope is that these books can bring comfort and healing to people who are in such terrible grief. Heaped on top of losing someone is the stigma and even discrimination that goes along with suicide. Losing a loved one is always hard. When it’s by suicide, it can sadly it can make it even harder.”

Approaching Mental Health Through a Catholic Lens With Deacon Ed Shoener

Deacon Ed Shoener is the president of the Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers, and the co-author of two books with Bishop John Dolan of the Diocese of Phoenix, called “When a Loved One Dies by Suicide” and “Responding to Suicide: A Pastoral Handbook for Catholic Leaders.”

Deacon Ed discusses mental health ministry in the Church. “We’re recognizing the need to do something about [mental health] and the need for God to be in the midst of this.”

Experiencing Suicide Bereavement With the Help of the Sacraments

“Every time I went to Mass after my sister’s death, I brought something with me. Often, it was anger against people I felt had contributed to my sister’s mental illness or had failed to help her. … During Mass, I acknowledged I did not know the whole picture and asked for the grace to forgive. I prayed for people I did not want to pray for, and gradually the anger eased.

I am a Catholic convert. The sacraments have been a great support since my conversion, and especially now.”

Fr. Chris Alar on Finding Hope After a Loved One’s Suicide

“Fr. Chris explains that years after his grandmother’s death, a priest told him he can still pray for her, ‘I said “Father, how? She’s already been judged.”’ And he told me that God is outside of time. There’s no past. There’s no future. Everything is present eternally at one moment to God. … God will take my prayer into account for my grandmother at the moment of her death years ago.”

Discussion About Suicide from the Busted Halo Show

Father Dave and Brett talk to a listener who recently lost his son by suicide. Father Dave explains that platitudes from well-wishers aren’t helpful to many who are grieving, and Brett opens up about his experience as someone who has friends who died by suicide.

My Daughter Committed Suicide. What Prayer Do I Say So That She Can Go To Heaven?

“Dearest Lord,

We entrust (name) to your undying mercy and love.

While in this life, they felt much pain and found life difficult.

May you enfold them now with your love where no pain can find them, but rather your love can heal them.

Make them Guardian Angels for those who struggle with life, for those who struggle to see you and the love that is around them.

Give them Lord, kind admittance to your Kingdom and bring comfort to their families.

We ask this, as we ask all things, through Christ our Lord. Amen.”

Book: ‘The Catholic Guide to Depression: How the Saints, the Sacraments, and Psychiatry Can Help You Break Its Grip and Find Happiness Again’

Extensive clinical experience treating patients with depression has shown author Dr. Kheriaty that the confessional can’t cure neuroses, nor can the couch forgive sin. Healing comes only when we integrate the legitimate discoveries of modern psychology and pharmacology with spiritual direction and the Sacraments, giving particular attention to the wisdom of the Church Fathers and the saints.

Other Resources

To Write Love On Her Arms

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families

Whether you’re grieving, or you’re helping someone who is grieving, Dougy Center is here for you. Find tip sheets, activities, podcasts, and more resources.

The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ) young people under 25.

Mental health resources for underrepresented communities (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)

From the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, find mental health resources for minority and underrepresented communities, grouped by community.

Suicide prevention resources (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)

From the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, find a list of resources for crisis situations, mental health care, and resources grouped by mental health conditions.

If you or a loved one is ever experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 988. And consult Suicide Prevention Hotline if you are concerned for yourself or another.

September 9, 2024
‘Inside Out 2’ and the Journey of Self-Acceptance and Reconciliation

“Inside Out 2” (Courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures)

As a rising kindergartener, my 5-year-old feels our summer schedule should encompass all things big-kid-related. One of her ideas for a rite of passage: movie theaters. I was hesitant at first, but after she saw a trailer for “Inside Out 2,” there was no stopping the flood of requests to see the new movie.

We attended a sensory-friendly screening where the lights are merely dimmed and the volume plays a tad softer. Overall, it was a success. My 2-and-a-half-year-old lost interest midway through, but discovered the joys of popcorn and was placated, while my big kid was utterly mesmerized.

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For those unfamiliar with the “Inside Out” movies, the plots center on the Emotions that reside in our heads: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Envy. These Emotions control the console of our feelings while creating and storing memories. The mind in which most of the plot’s action takes place belongs to Riley, a lovable young lady who is 11 in the first movie and 13 in the sequel. The first film is a favorite at our house and focuses on the important roles of both Joy and Sadness in our life and growth.

The writers of Pixar’s “Inside Out 2” succeeded again in crafting a film that not only appeals to youngsters, but also speaks with a nuanced wisdom to tweens, teens, and adults. While the new emotions in Riley’s head, led by Anxiety, have received a great deal of attention, an aspect of the movie that fascinated me was the Belief System.

The Belief System is a curated set of memories that create Riley’s continually forming Sense of Self. At the start of “Inside Out 2,” the audience witnesses Joy carefully choosing good memories to add to Riley’s Belief System; thereby forming a string of light that fuels and develops the Sense of Self. Joy also creates a launching device for all painful or embarrassing memories; they are sent flying to the back of the mind. The emotions express pride in Riley’s Sense of Self as it intones beliefs like “I am a good person” and “I am a good friend.” Then, puberty begins and Anxiety usurps the console of Emotions.

Anxiety destroys Riley’s Sense of Self and begins to form a new Sense of Self based on anxious beliefs; this new Belief System crackles and pops while shining a scalding orange. Riley acts out of character, ignoring her friends in favor of popularity, lying for clout, and appearing altogether lost internally. The Emotions are faced with a tough choice as they struggle to fight Anxiety and restore Riley’s Sense of Self: Do they release the bad memories to influence the Belief System in order to incorporate the good ones as well?

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The Emotions realize that clinging to the Belief that we are all good, without the nuance of our flaws, isn’t a realistic or healthy way to live. The floodgate of memories is unleashed and Riley copes with the influx of new threads to her Belief System: She is a good person, but she makes mistakes and bad choices. Riley doesn’t accept her faults, but instead acknowledges them, and attempts to repair the damage she’s done. She finds a way to grow and move forward with a more holistic view of who she is.

As I sat in the theater with my daughters cuddled on either side of me, I couldn’t help but think about how we as Christians take this idea of acknowledging our faults to an even more fulfilling conclusion.

Rather than being left with the emotions in our head waging war against our poor choices and their effects on our Sense of Self, we are offered a beautiful example of love and forgiveness through God’s offer of Reconciliation. When we bring our whole selves, mistakes and all, vulnerably before God, He offers us grace. We are reminded in Romans 5:8 that, “God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Our faults do not have to become entrenched in our Sense of Self; we recognize our sinfulness and we bring it to him who loves us nonetheless.

When we acknowledge before God our failings, mistakes, and sins, we move into a relationship of love; for as C.S. Lewis writes “to love at all is to be vulnerable.” This vulnerability and willingness to confess our sins before God allows us to accept his love and grace. As Riley has to come to understand her Sense of Self as a fluctuating core, capable of good and bad choices, we too have the chance to humbly admit our failures and embrace our deep need for God.

LISTEN: Co-Creator of ‘Blue’s Clues’ and ‘Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood’ Offers Life Lessons for All Ages

My 5-year-old tends to be hard on herself when she makes a mistake – a reaction I understand all too well. We often talk through how a poor choice does not indicate that you are a mean or bad person; in fact, feeling regret and disappointment in your actions shows that you know what is right, good, and true. The key is to make amends for our bad decisions. I appreciated how the movie showed Riley’s realization of her unkind behavior towards her friends, and her willingness to apologize and patiently build back their trust. When Riley makes amends with the friends whom she has hurt, she has to admit that she was wrong, but she moves towards a wholeness within herself.

Reconciliation restores not only our relationship with God, but also our relationship with ourselves. Acknowledging our need for God’s grace creates an opportunity for our Sense of Self to broaden from internal musings to external appreciation for what God tells us about ourselves. He reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), we are precious, honored, (Isaiah 43), chosen (Ephesians 1), created in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27), forgiven (1 John 1:9), and loved (Romans 8:38). When our Sense of Self wavers, as “Inside Out 2” reminds us it is prone to do, we can lean back on the truth of what God tells us about ourselves.

I think the concept that our feelings about ourselves will change over time is an important one for both young and mature audiences. There are days of soaring pride and dark disappointment. However, when our Sense of Self relies not on our own fluctuating emotions, but on the steady promises of God, we can rest in the peace of his gaze. This is my hope and prayer for my girls, that movies like “Inside Out 2” remind them that everyone struggles with identity and belonging, yet their worth is not measured by feelings or validation from their peers. Their significance and Sense of Self is guaranteed and beautifully crafted by a God who loves them and welcomes them with open arms.

August 2, 2024
3 Ways to Maintain Joy Throughout the Easter Season

During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, I began to suffer a deep depression, unlike anything I had known previously. I’m a professor, and during the first months of the pandemic I was undergoing a difficult tenure and promotion process at my institution. Moreover, like many others during the pandemic — my workload increased simultaneously. I was working full-time remotely while taking care of my two young children at home. I remember thinking, Of course this hardship begins during Lent. I prayed, I fasted, and I gave. Yet when Easter came, I didn’t feel the joy I thought I should have. Don’t get me wrong: My family celebrated Easter and went to Mass, but this season didn’t feel fitting to my heart. We celebrated for a day, took pictures, and then I would argue that my soul receded back into a Lenten modality. I felt I needed to do more, to work harder, to be worthy of the joy that Eastertide as a season brings with it.

As we moved farther afield from the earliest stages of COVID-19, my depression slowly abated. I ultimately received tenure, yet I still struggled with the mixed emotions I had from the process. Eventually, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and sought therapy. Through this process – and through friends, family, and the Church – I began to discover new ways to instill meaning behind my suffering. Contemplating how much my identity was tied to my profession led me to seek ways to rely more on my faith and renew my sense of identity as an image-bearer of God rather than a worker only. I began to lean into the liturgical calendar rather than the academic one to define not only my life but also my family’s life, including fostering joy during a time when I didn’t necessarily feel joyful.

Easter isn’t just one day; it is the second-longest liturgical season in our calendar, lasting 50 days for Catholics. We are to practice 50 days of joy in the knowledge of the resurrection. Keeping joy, as I learned while I was suffering from depression, isn’t an easy task. While suffering may mark the first part of the Easter story, it isn’t the last part that is essential for all of us faithful to remember. 1 Peter 1:3 reminds us to praise God and to recognize that “In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” Easter is about a “living hope,” not one that is gone in a day, but one that lives in us.

Lenten practice, in my experience, feels like work on the soul, and I would argue that Easter practice ought to, as well. It simply ought to feel like a different kind of work, a work toward proclaiming joy — and resting in it — for 50, long, well-earned days.

Now, my family celebrates Eastertide with intention, just as we do Lent. Here are a few practices we’ve adopted that have lightened my soul and altered our family culture around the Easter season:

We practice gratitude daily.

In a personal journal, I write down at least two things that I’m grateful for each day. These can be as small as walking the dog or enjoying the sunshine. When I pick my children up from school, I ask them to practice this with me. “What brought you joy today?” I inquire. Because I have elementary-age schoolchildren, I delight in their stories of races won and lost at recess, of learning new science facts in school, and of lunchtime antics between their many friends.

We create an Eastertide family calendar.

We began this practice with Advent, and we’ve learned that liturgical calendars based around the Easter season help us partake in at least one joyful, praising activity each day. For Eastertide, some of these activities include: reading a Catholic book together, singing worship songs, dancing, celebrating Saints with Feast Days during the season like Saint Catherine of Siena, finding and planting flowers, serving others in the community, and praying. We build these calendars around what works in our home, and each day the children mark off what we’ve accomplished. “We can’t go to bed without dancing!” they’ll exclaim, and they’ll be right.

Even on days when I don’t feel ready to praise, the calendar reminds me — and my family — that Easter is the season of joy, of living and sharing in the happiness that is Christ’s resurrection.

We go to Adoration.

My parish has scheduled times for Eucharistic Adoration, and our family goes together. Being inside the Church, praying there, basking in the beauty of the Eucharist and the prayerful community that gathers together reminds us that we are not alone in maintaining and celebrating the joy of Easter. We pray in the car before going into the Church, and then we pray inside. I allow my children to walk quietly around and appreciate the stained glass windows in our parish. Every time we’re there, we leave with our spirits lifted, knowing that we chose to spend time with God. It isn’t always quiet, or perfect, but it is joyful — and the questions they ask (such as “Why would Jesus suffer?) remind me of all that I have to be grateful for as a Catholic.

Lent is a time of spiritual growth, yet so, too, is Eastertide. For those like myself who have suffered, and still deal with the ramifications of depression, Eastertide as a practice may even be more difficult than Lent. Yet as Pope Francis reminds us in Evangelii Gaudium, “The joy of the Gospel fills the hearts and lives of all who encounter Jesus. Those who accept his offer of salvation are set free from sin, sorrow, inner emptiness, and loneliness.”

In celebrating the full 50 days of the Easter season, we accept the offer salvation provides us. Moreover, we evangelize to others the joy of the Gospel because they see us living, and practicing daily, a sustained encounter with Jesus. As humans, we all suffer, yet we all also experience moments of joy. For me, especially when experiencing the worst parts of my depression, Eastertide helped me remember Jesus’ love and cultivate his promise fulfilled in my life — even on those days when I least wanted to do so. Indeed, in the midst of one of my most salient times of isolation and despair, joy found root in my soul again — and it occurred because of committed and renewed Eastertide devotional practice. Psalm 32:11, one of my favorites, echoes this joyful message: “Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!”

Originally published April 12, 2023.

April 10, 2024