Tag: Holy Matrimony

  • God Never Gives Up on Us: Lessons From My Journey of Meeting My Fiancée

    God Never Gives Up on Us: Lessons From My Journey of Meeting My Fiancée

    A woman's hands are resting on a table with a wooden crucifix and a Bible.Sometimes, it feels like God abandons us. The disciples might have felt this way after the Crucifixion. Or, at least, they felt downcast, their hopes dashed; the prospect of building the kingdom without their leader seemed bleak and pointless. Their whole world had been shaken and flipped upside down. Jesus, their point of reference and the truth by which they viewed existence lay in a tomb.

    In my own prayer life, I’ve faced issues that seemed hopeless. I have prayed for certain blessings for a while, but, growing impatient when my prayers go unanswered, I stop asking for those petitions. I get in the lazy habit of assuming my desire is not in accord with God’s will.

    However, I’ve found that even if I give up on my prayers and my dreams, God doesn’t. Those prayers that I let peter out after I grow tired of asking for the same thing time and again are prayers that God nevertheless uses for my benefit and his glory.

    RELATED: Try These Unique Forms of Prayer When You’re in a Spiritual Rut

    For years, I prayed to God to send me a spouse and to make me a good husband and father along the way. I joined a local Bible study where our leader introduced us to a St. Raphael prayer for singles in search of a spouse. For months, I prayed this devotedly almost every night. But eventually, the consistency slackened, and I stopped altogether.

    Time went by, and I hadn’t gone to Bible study for several weeks. Then, during a pilgrimage to some beautiful Chicago churches, I bumped into our group leader. She wanted to know why I hadn’t been coming; I had no legitimate excuse. She also said there was a new woman who had joined Bible study. I had nothing else better going on Thursday nights. So God brought me back to the group. 

    That summer, I got acquainted with Ellen, our new member, who came to the study in search of a friend group (and, just possibly, a significant other). 

    RELATED: A Pathway to Holiness: A Single Man’s Search for Vocation

    Summer passed, autumn came, and after midnight following a Halloween party, I asked Ellen out on a date. She graciously accepted, and since then, she has listened, cared for, comforted, and loved me, which, as a certain aged Hobbit might observe, “is better than I deserve.” Her desire for a family, the intention to raise children in the faith, her spontaneity, genius, and sharing of herself when she knows I need consolation are part of what makes her the perfect partner.

    Now here I sit, a few weeks out from our wedding. After I proposed, Ellen revealed she also prayed to find someone to share her life with. God, in his design and timing, made us the answer to each other’s prayers. It gives me real Tobiah and Sarah vibes! As the Scripture reveals, St. Raphael played the matchmaker in their lives too.

    I have no doubt Raphael interceded on my behalf. Reflecting back on that time of spiritual dismay before meeting Ellen, I realized I had given up on God, thinking that he didn’t want what I so strongly felt drawn to — marriage. But that’s not how vocations work. God had a plan.

    RELATED: Looking for a Sign From God? Try These Prayer Practices Instead

    The same was true after Jesus’ death. The Apostles had also given up: If Jesus really was who he said he was, why was he dead? In response, they returned to their former lives. In John: 21, St. Peter says he’s going fishing. Jesus, who had called him to be a fisher of men, appears on the scene and draws Peter back to land. When the disciples get ashore, they find Jesus relaxing by a charcoal fire, and they share a simple breakfast of baked fish.

    It’s a cozy, calming scene. That’s the soothing effect of Jesus in our lives. Yet, we so quickly lose hope. In the same way he ridiculed Peter elsewhere, Jesus could also complain of us: “You of little faith!” (Matthew 14:31).

    What God taught me, as he taught Peter too, is that no matter the weakness of our faith and hope in him, Jesus never gives up on us. It’s his all-powerful determination that brought him to the Cross. It’s his grace that will bring me and Ellen to the altar and the rest of our lives together.

  • Models of Marriage: Remember These Lessons From Biblical Power Couples This Valentine’s Day

    Models of Marriage: Remember These Lessons From Biblical Power Couples This Valentine’s Day

    Holy Bible open with pages folded in the middle to make a heart shape and cross charm haning from the heart.
    Photo by May_Chanikran on Bigstock

    In the Sacrament of Matrimony, we are called to love each other fully in word, spirit, and deed, not only on our wedding day, but every day of our lives. That’s why the celebration of love just once a year on Valentine’s Day – the origins of which include a Roman fertility ritual and the execution of the martyr Valentine on February 14 – felt counterintuitive to me. It didn’t help that Valentine’s Day evolved into a consumerist holiday benefiting greeting card and chocolate corporations. But, after I got married, I realized that we can reframe this day in a Catholic way: Valentine’s Day can be an opportunity for couples to reenergize their commitment to each other. 

    The best place to begin this re-commitment is the Bible. Though many relationships in the Old and New Testaments reveal the pitfalls of sinfulness and the reality of our human brokenness, many also demonstrate how spouses can be wholly committed to each other. These holy unions, while far from perfect, are built on similar foundations, and we can use these lessons as models for our own marriages.

    LISTEN: Saints of Our Lives: Saint Valentine 

    Trust triumphs over darkness.

    Every marriage faces hardships, but we can survive life’s struggles together if we put our trust in God. Early on in my marriage, for example, my husband and I found it challenging to spend quality time together, as he had a rotational work schedule that made him spend most weekends at work. Our days off hardly ever coincided, and planning for family gatherings was a logistical nightmare. We realized that to deepen our union, we had to take time in our daily lives to fully enjoy each other’s company, which took commitment and communication. But these were lessons that benefited us in the long run. And now, in our fourth year of marriage, my husband’s schedule was finally adjusted to reflect a standard work week. Weekends together now feel like long-awaited blessings, and we soak in every minute of our time together. 

    There are many struggles that can strain a marriage. Several couples in the Bible faced a particular challenge: infertility. Many modern married couples, including some of my close friends, also suffer this specific struggle in private silence. Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 15-23), Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24-27), Elkanah and Hannah (1 Samuel 1–2:21), and Zechariah and Elizabeth (Luke 1:5-24) relied on God to direct the course of their lives. Through prayer and patience, they remind us that we are never alone in our struggles. God is with us to comfort and carry us. Ultimately, God blessed these couples with children – and some exceptional ones, too, like Jacob, Samuel, and John the Baptist. 

    However, whether or not children are part of God’s plan for us, we can strengthen our resolve as married couples by trusting in his will – and accepting it. We must be patient when our marriages are tested, keep praying even when things seem impossible, and remember that God’s blessings are always worth waiting for, in whatever form they come. 

    RELATED: Why Is Valentine’s Day Such a Big Deal?

    Kindness is key.

    There’s a saying I’m particularly partial to: “Happy wife, happy life.” But there is truth in this: If spouses aim to keep each other happy, marital life is more peaceful and joyful.

    One way to maintain authentic happiness is through kindness. Being kind to each other goes a long way, as we see in the story of Boaz and Ruth (Ruth 1-4). Ruth, who had been living in the land of the Moabites, lost her spouse and had no one to turn to. She and her mother-in-law Naomi returned to Israel, and Ruth sought out work. She found herself in Boaz’s fields, and though she was a foreigner, Boaz permitted her to work there. He ordered his men not to touch her and to treat her with respect. Boaz gave her lodging and invited her to share meals with him. In return, Ruth was grateful for all the help she could get. Eventually, Boaz and Ruth wed. 

    This power couple shows us that kindness means accepting and respecting each other. It means being patient with each other, helping with chores, taking on more when your spouse is stressed or exhausted, listening, and forgiving. Kindness is loving the person – and showing it.

    RELATED: 6 Tips for Being Better Prepared for Marriage

    Shared goals give purpose.

    Shared values and vision provide purpose for a couple’s shared life. Working towards something together is often more meaningful and enjoyable than going at it alone. My husband and I, for instance, agree that we want to live a life as simply and naturally as possible. This means having adventures in the great outdoors, prioritizing time with our family, and attending to daily joys together, like cooking and dog walking. In the long run, we hope to have our own homestead, raise chickens, and build a family in faith. In the New Testament, Priscilla and Aquila also shared a vision, playing an integral part in the spread of the early Church (Acts 18:2-3, Acts 18-19, Acts 26; Rom 16:3-5; 1 Cor 16:19; 2 Tim 4:19). After Claudius had evicted Jews from Rome, the couple settled in Corinth. There, they met St. Paul and followed him to Ephesus to evangelize, housing disciples and training them in the faith. The couple was so in sync with each other that Priscilla and Aquila are never mentioned separately in the Bible. In this way, they teach us that married couples are strongest when they are working together. This doesn’t mean spouses should always be glued to the hip, but that the strongest marriages are those unified in values and vision. 

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    A good Christian marriage is a holy one.

    To find a true, authentic model of Christian marriage, we need look no further than the ultimate power couple: Mary and Joseph. There were many tests in their marriage: Mary’s pregnancy before being betrothed to Joseph; King Herod’s decree of infanticide which drove them to flee to Egypt; losing their son Jesus in Jerusalem during the Passover festival. And there were no doubt many private hardships that Mary pondered in her heart (Luke 2:19). But through it all, Mary and Joseph strove to lean on each other to uncover God’s purpose for them and follow his path, wherever it would lead them. And this ultimate partnership – this ultimate true love – enabled them to create a holy home, one which raised the Son of Man and Son of God.   

    These power couples from the Bible can inspire us to recommit ourselves to our spouses this Valentine’s Day. Though it is conventionally a secular holiday, we can celebrate it in our own Catholic way, by reflecting on our role in our marriages, recommitting all our strength, faith, and love to our chosen ones, and dedicating our union to God. Plus, it is a good excuse to just have a little fun. We usually crack open a bottle of champagne and cook a meal together. (So, despite my prior jab at the consumerist aspect of the day, husbands and spouses alike, take note: flowers, chocolate, a date night, or a wonderful home-cooked meal will still be happily accepted.)