Tag: Family Life

Hands-on Faith: How Contact Builds Our Connection to Christ

My daughters love museums – a fact which has required practice, cajoling, and plenty of snacks – but, once sparked, the adventure of discovery is contagious. Throughout our family’s recent trip to Washington, D.C., we experimented with which museums worked best for children. The National Art Gallery, with its automated “please step back from the art!” alerts and constant shushing of giggles was not a friendly option for us. We felt more at home in the National Museum of Natural History. My girls, barely 3 and almost 6 years old, stared in awe at the towering dinosaur bones, the blue whale suspended above the ocean room, and the countless treasures encircling the iconic elephant, Henry, who oversees the entryway. In the Hall of Fossils, I noticed a sign that both shocked and delighted me, reading “please touch.” My girls hurried over to feel the dinosaur bones replicas, their faces alight with joy at having the opportunity to interact with something so precious.

We discovered more of these thoughtful signs throughout the museum, on huge stones containing amethysts, on ammonoid fossils, and on a section of sea coral. My younger daughter chatted all day about how she touched the amethyst. She loved the shape of the gemstones, how cold it felt to the touch, its color and how it shifted in the light. Having seen a great deal of beautiful and fascinating things behind pristine glass, the opportunity to touch and handle an exhibit was priceless.

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While my husband and I chuckled at her newfound love for gemstones, we also recognized a deep truth within her delight: Connection is strengthened through contact. Contact can manifest in various forms, but that tactile connection impacted her in a way that merely viewing never could have. These dear signs scattered across the museum brought to my mind John 20:27. As the newly resurrected Jesus offers his hands and side for Thomas to touch, he tells Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side…”offering his body as proof of his resurrection.

Photo courtesy of the author

Throughout the New Testament, Jesus offers his incarnated body to his people to see, to hear, and to touch. The Gospels open with the nativity, a sign of God’s love for us which shocks and delights. Although we celebrate the birth of Jesus yearly, this gift of the incarnation of our God continues to astound me. God became man, took on flesh, accepted vulnerability and human needs in order to connect with, serve, and save his creations. His birth, upbringing, and adulthood were far from lavish, sheltered experiences; he was born in a time of danger and fear for the lives of the young. He was brought into the world by a young woman away from her family and spent his early years in a foreign country; Christ touched and lived in the world of the lowly.

RELATED: How My Young Family is Making Room for Christ this Christmas

In turn, he offered himself in ministry and sacrificed for the humble and proud alike. The incarnation was a fulfillment of prophesies and promises, but the way Christ served his people while on earth was also an invitation for connection. Christ told his disciples, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14). He never shied away from his people and their need for him. He walked dusty roads, cried with his friends, healed with spit and mud, and in all his actions, formed connections through contact.

We are a tactile people, drawn to contact, longing for connection. Our God knew this; he created us in this way. So, in all his love for us, he reached down from heaven, took on flesh and said to all his people, “please touch.” As we enjoy this season of Advent and remember the incarnation, how will we answer God’s invitation for connection? Perhaps this Advent we will clasp Christ’s outstretched hand and focus on our relationship with him, leaning into each week of Advent and preparing our hearts for his second coming. Or maybe our connection will be extending that hand of welcome to our neighbor; inviting them in so as to reflect God’s love into their life. Hopefully we can do both, loving our neighbor as God loves us. Connecting with others in the knowledge that we serve a God who continually invites us into a relationship with him.

December 6, 2024
Visual Devotions: Crafting Meaningful Moments in Advent
As a child, I always looked forward to the Advent season, those four weeks of anticipation leading up to Christmas. However, it wasn’t until my late 20s that I discovered the profound impact of incorporating art into my spiritual practice.

My journey with Advent art began unexpectedly when a friend invited me to an “Advent Art Night” at her church. Skeptical at first, I found myself deeply moved by the experience of creating a simple painting of an Advent wreath. The meditative act of applying brushstrokes while reflecting on the theme of hope showed me the value of creating a tangible piece of my faith through art.

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Since then, I’ve made it a tradition to engage in at least one Advent art project each year, finding that the creative process helps me connect more deeply with the season’s themes and prepare my heart for Christmas in a unique and meaningful way.

By incorporating visual art into Advent devotions, individuals and communities can deepen their understanding of the season’s themes and enhance their overall experience. Here are some examples of project ideas themed around each week of the season.

Hope
1. Advent wreath painting: Create a watercolor or acrylic painting of an Advent wreath, focusing on the first candle representing hope. Use warm colors to symbolize the light of hope in the darkness. Check out these Advent wreath photos for inspiration.
2. Hope jar: Decorate a glass jar and fill it with small slips of paper containing Bible verses about hope. Draw one each day for reflection. Check out this video for more ideas.
3. Prophetic landscape: Paint or draw a landscape inspired by Isaiah’s prophecies of the Messiah’s coming, incorporating symbols of hope and renewal. Check out these ideas for this project.
Peace
1. Peace dove collage: Create a collage of a dove using torn paper from magazines or newspapers. Include words and phrases related to peace found in Advent Scriptures. Searching for these phrases will give you time to reflect on the overall Scripture and help you meditate on these topics!
2. Jesse Tree with peaceful imagery: Adapt the traditional Jesse Tree project by focusing on images and symbols of peace. Use prints or paintings of biblical scenes, such as the Annunciation, the Nativity, or the Prodigal Son’s return, and add quotes or verses related to peace.
3. Paper plate peace doves: Create paper plate doves with outstretched wings, symbolizing peace and hope. Hang the doves in a window or on a wall as a reminder of peace.
RELATED: How Artwork Opens My Eyes to God’s Handiwork

Joy
1. Joyful nativity scene: Craft a mixed-media nativity scene using materials like fabric, paper, and found objects. Focus on expressing the joy of Christ’s birth through vibrant colors and dynamic compositions.
2. Joy explosion: Create an abstract painting or drawing that visually represents an “explosion” of joy, using bright colors and energetic brush strokes or lines.
3. Joyful song lyrics art: Choose lyrics from your favorite Christmas carol about joy and create typographic art featuring those words in creative fonts and colors.
Love
1. Heart-shaped Advent calendar: Design a heart-shaped Advent calendar using cardboard or foam board. Create 24 small pockets or doors, each containing a Scripture verse about God’s love or a small act of kindness to perform.
2. Love mosaic: Create a mosaic using small pieces of colored paper, glass, or tile to form an image symbolizing God’s love, such as a heart or a cross.
3. Love letter art: Write letters to friends or family members expressing love and gratitude, then decorate the envelopes with artistic designs before mailing them out.
RELATED: Strengthening My Faith Through Creativity

Advent Devotions

To fully integrate art into your Advent experience, consider these approaches:
1. Daily reflection: Spend time creating or reflecting on a piece of Advent-themed art. Use this time for prayer and meditation on the day’s Scriptures. Click for more Advent Devotional Resources.
2. Family art time: Set aside time each week for family members to create Advent art together. Discuss the themes and scriptures as you work. Here are some additional ideas for Catholic Advent Crafts.
3. Community art project: Organize a community-wide Advent project, like a collaborative mural or installation piece that grows throughout the season. Check out these resources to get you started.
4. Art-based worship: Incorporate visual art into church services or small group gatherings. Use projected images, live art demonstrations, or displays of congregant-created artwork to enhance worship experiences. The Art of Advent has great seasonal prints and devotions for inspiration.
Creating visual devotions for Advent can significantly enrich the season’s spiritual experience. By engaging in art projects that reflect Advent themes, individuals and communities can deepen their connection to the story of Christ’s coming and prepare their hearts for the celebration of Christmas. As you engage with Advent art, remember that the goal is not perfection but rather a heartfelt expression of faith and anticipation of the coming of Christ.
December 2, 2024
Holy Friends: 4 Saints to Turn to This All Saints’ Day

Photo by Angie Menes on Cathopic.

As a convert to Catholicism, I’ve found that the veneration of the saints is a part of the faith that has taken me a little while to get used to. Having children has transformed that experience. Perhaps because they grew up with the idea of saints in their midst, my 9-year-old and 10-year-old bring up saints frequently. They love reading, watching, and listening to stories about the saints, celebrating feast days, and asking certain saints to intercede for our family at particular times.

In this way — and perhaps this is normal for most Catholic families — I have realized that my family has “befriended” certain saints. Or maybe those saints have been kind enough to befriend us.

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Throughout the day, we’ll talk to saints who have become part of the fabric of our lives, joking about what this saint might think of this or that daily task we’re doing. Would St. Thomas Aquinas, the patron saint of students, approve of my daughter deciding to watch another episode of “Bluey” instead of studying? Is St. Christopher, the patron saint of travelers, tired of seeing those Doritos bags strewn all over the car, and would he prefer a nicer ride, maybe?

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that All Saints’ Day has become one of my family’s favorite holy days in the liturgical calendar. Here are a few of the saints that our family turns to frequently, and whom we’re happy to share with others looking for new family friends:

1. St. Elizabeth Ann Seton (1774-1821)

This new school year has been a test for my daughter. Third-grade math and social studies have been more challenging than she anticipated, and her grades have suffered. She prefers “girl saints,” so we’ve studied St. Elizabeth Ann Seton together. St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, the first American-born Catholic saint, is perhaps best known as the founder of our parochial school system.

In reading a recent biography, I discovered that when she was younger, St. Elizabeth loved to dance and was fond of the fancy cream-colored slippers she wore to one of George Washington’s birthday parties. My daughter, who is a ballet enthusiast, found this anecdote inspiring. We often talk to St. Elizabeth about dancing and school—about how young women need to focus on both to be well-rounded.

Because Elizabeth Ann Seton also founded and led the Sisters of Charity, the first community for women religious in the United States, she’s an excellent role model for female leadership. As a teacher, I often turn to her myself! Before big test days, my daughter and I pray for St. Elizabeth Ann Seton’s intercession for her and her classmates, and she wears a St. Elizabeth medal around her neck daily.

RELATED: How to Make Friends With a Saint

2. St. Augustine of Hippo (354-430)

If you’ve ever heard that old quip about kids who ask “why” constantly, then you’re actually talking about my fifth-grade son — who asks “why” about everything, including our Catholic faith. This cool kid spends most of his spare time reading books: You can’t catch him without a “Harry Potter” tome in his hands recently. He also has allergies and often rubs his eyes.

Last year, as his dad and I read Augustine’s “Confessions” together, we determined that this patron saint of theologians and sore eyes might be a good fit for our son to learn more about because we loved how Augustine transformed himself from a public thinker and speaker, or rhetorician, to a devoted intellectual and spiritual servant of God.

Every year, our parish hosts a fall festival, where children dress up as saints and participate in a costume contest. One of our family traditions is that our kids read a book about the saint they choose to emulate. When he was 8, our son flew through a biography about Augustine by Simonetta Carr, enjoying learning about the saint’s many travels.

St. Augustine is pretty inspiring for a child who loves facts and asking the “whys” of life, and I’m already looking forward to when my son’s old enough for us to read some of Augustine’s original writings together. (Plus, I always remind him that St. Augustine was a fan of another Catholic saint — his mom, St. Monica — who helped lead this beloved saint to his eventual conversion.)

LISTEN: What Are the Benefits of Praying to Saints?

3. St. Jude Thaddeus (between 1-80)

I doubt there’s a Catholic household with children during cold and flu season where St. Jude — one of Christ’s 12 Apostles — isn’t often invoked. As a child, my husband caught pneumonia a few times, and because he also has asthma, he became extremely ill. St. Jude has always been a favorite friend of my spouse due to the saint’s association with sick children, mainly because of the famous children’s hospital that bears his name.

This fall, my father-in-law has been ill and hospitalized. He is currently in a rehabilitation center, but his case has been up and down for weeks. Some days, our family has been unsure if he will make it. Throughout this period, St. Jude, the patron saint of the “lost causes,” has been our family’s rock. We know we are not alone in this devotion.

St. Jude’s popularity rose in the United States during the Great Depression when many felt as if they were going through hopeless times. It was during this tumultuous period that Fr. John Tort felt called to found The National Shrine of St. Jude in Chicago: The saint’s popularity soon spread throughout the country and has since provided solace to many going through difficult times, whether due to illness or other challenges. St. Jude, who wears green in his iconography as a symbol of hope and renewal, is one of those saints whose name often rolls off the tongues of everyone in my family when we pray together during Mass or Adoration. Simply hearing his name tends to bring us a sense of peace.

RELATED: How Do the Saints Hear Our Prayers?

4. St. Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179)

As a convert, I often feel behind in my faith — and it might seem funny that I’ve found inspiration this past year in St. Hildegard — a German Benedictine abbess, writer, poet, composer, mystic, and theologian. If her résumé isn’t intimidating, I don’t know whose would be! St. Hildegard wrote nine books and at least 155 musical compositions, including a musical morality play, “Ordo Virtutum.” This only scratches the surface of her accomplishments! What I find most inspirational is that she didn’t begin writing until she was 42. In other words, there’s still hope for those of us who haven’t achieved all we would have liked yet.

Her first theological book, “Scivias (Know the Ways),” discusses the difficulties of balancing her spiritual experiences with intellectual reasoning. While we may not all have visions like Hildegard, many of us still struggle with balancing faith and reason and articulating our reconciled ideas to others with moral courage. Often, when I struggle in my professional life as a faith-filled teacher and writer, I think of Hildegard’s example and ask for her to intercede on my behalf, putting my fears to rest.

By turning to these saints regularly — along with others I haven’t mentioned here and feel guilty about not including (please forgive me, St. Francis Xavier, St. Hedwig of Silesia, St. Sigismund of Burgundy, and St. Frances Cabrini, among others) — I’ve come to realize these figures aren’t distant at all. As St. Elizabeth Ann Seton reminds us, “We must pray without ceasing, in every occurrence and employment of our lives,” and that’s exactly what my family strives to do now, with her help and the help of our other saintly friends. These saints have become companions, offering guidance, humor, and solace during life’s inevitable ups and downs.

As my family prepares to celebrate All Saints’ Day, I’m heartened by how much richer our lives have become by welcoming these holy friends — not just as inspirations but as faithful intercessors walking alongside us. And yes, one day, I pray my family will be counted among them, too.

November 1, 2024
Praying for Presence: How the Examen Helps Me Focus
When I was a kid, there were nights at the dinner table when my dad would get quiet and start staring off into the distance. My sisters and I would joke, “Dad’s thinking about work again!” and the chorus of giggles would break him out of his trance and bring him back to dinner.

Now, at 41, I’m the one who’s prone to the “thinking about work” face at dinner and many other times as I try to shift from employee to father at the end of the workday.

As a civil defense attorney, I’ll regularly handle 200 or more cases at any given time, each with its own facts, medical records, litigation status, and hearing schedule.

As a father, I have four kids who are growing up way too fast — each with their own interests, likes/dislikes, friends, school assignments, extracurriculars, etc.

As a husband, I have an incredible wife who has kept me around for 12 years and counting, but we’re no longer carefree 20-somethings with little responsibility and an excess of free time. It’s frighteningly easy to lose track of each other amidst our sea of responsibilities and commitments.

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Alternating between those three main roles in my life, it can be difficult to be fully engaged in the present moment. There are dinners and vacations where I have replayed court hearings in my head, pondering how I could have performed better. There are file reviews at work where I continually think of kids’ sports schedules or weekend plans. There are times at work and with the family when I’m thinking of household repairs.

One thing that’s helped me with this is the Examen, a prayer formulated by St. Ignatius Loyola. I first came across the prayer when I was a teenager considering a Jesuit vocation. The whole of Ignatian spirituality, with its emphasis on finding God in all things, was such a revelation to my young mind, but this prayer made an impression and I recently resumed the practice of praying it at night. The basic outline of the prayer is a 5-step process:
1. Be aware you’re in God’s presence.
2. Ask for grace to see God’s work in your life.
3. Review the day in detail.
4. Reflect on specific actions and see whether they brought you closer to or farther away from God.
5. Make a resolution for tomorrow.
When a priest gives a homily at Mass, he takes the Gospel message and makes it applicable to the general congregation. When I pray the Examen, I try to feel I take it one step further and make it applicable directly to my life — my wife, my errands, my kids, my schedule, my work, my supervisor, my commute, and all of the nitty-gritty that makes up my life.

I think hidden within my lack of focus is the false belief that whatever I’m focused on is the most important, most pressing matter. Praying the Examen gently corrects this warped way of thinking by reminding me that everything is important, because everything relates back to God.

RELATED: Growing in Gratitude, Thanks to the Examen

The process of he fourth step, reflecting on my actions and whether they brought me closer to or farther from God, changes every day, but I’ll sometimes ask:
- Was I short with someone on a work call where I was just trying to get another task off the to-do list?
- Were my “blinders” on while I tried to go through my work day, missing opportunities to hear and see those souls that work alongside me?
- Should I have stopped by the desk of a colleague who was widowed last year and seen how she’s holding up?
- Did I pay attention to my kids when I came home?
- Did I focus on the stories they so eagerly conveyed to me, treasuring them as the gifts they are?
- Did I miss an opportunity to show more initiative, to ask questions, to be silly, to initiate play?
- Have I taken active steps today to work on my marriage?
- Have I listened to things my wife has expressed frustration over and given her empathy, as well as whatever support I could?
- Have I made efforts to connect with my wife and share myself, and not just go through the day on our parallel routes?
For me, the biggest benefit of the Examen is not just the act of praying it towards the end of the day, but rather the way it shapes my mind throughout the day. Getting in the habit of praying it has “trained” my brain to start considering those questions as I am going about my day. As I live in the present moment, I know that God is there and I know that the only way I can respond to him is by being present in that moment, noticing what he is offering me in that moment, and responding with love.

With regularly praying the Examen, my “thinking about work” face pops up less often. When I’m with my wife and kids, I’m with them — attuned to all the beautiful intricacies of the present moment.
October 25, 2024
In Pursuit of Wisdom: How I’m Following Solomon’s Lead

When my hair first began to turn gray, I hated to look in the mirror.

How could I already be so old? Gray hair was for grandparents or, at the least, retirees. I was only in my late 30s! I briefly considered coloring my hair. I knew guys a decade older than me who did so, and hiding their gray definitely made them appear younger. Regardless of appearance, though, they could never truly escape the aging process.

I know I couldn’t. My two arm surgeries, painful plantar fasciitis, and frequent memory lapses reminded me daily that, no matter what I did to stave off Father Time, I was getting older.

I’ve noticed that older folks in my community often walked a bit slower, partied a bit less, and took longer to answer questions. But their answers, along with most of their words, were more thoughtful. Thorough. Logical. Wise.

I realized that, when I took the time to pay close attention to their words, the gray-haired or other older people with whom I interacted possessed and readily shared wisdom.

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Bill, a retired Naval Captain with whom I once worked, shared his wisdom on a daily basis. He never overreacted, even after we were both laid off by our employer. Instead, he spent time helping me and other co-workers find new jobs. Wisdom at work.

Another gray-haired co-worker named Bill, this one my boss, shared his wisdom through short phrases. “When you walk through the brambles, you’re gonna get scraped” was one of his go-tos. I kept a list of his wise sayings, and I learned a lot about life while doing so.

In today’s world of overstimulation, I’m often tempted to listen to the talking heads who speak earliest and loudest. In the past, doing so has caused me to trust in political and religious leaders who lacked both wisdom and a clear consciences. My actions and my beliefs suffered accordingly.

I’ve tried to convert unbelievers by spouting half-baked arguments for Christianity that I’d read online. Unsurprisingly, they effortlessly demolished each of my points.

LISTEN: Wisdom From Sister Jean of Loyola University

During a high school religion class, I cheated on daily quizzes simply because it was easy to do. Sure, it led to an A in the class, but when I think about what I did, the guilt of cheating still hurts. I couldn’t care less about the A.

If only I had met the two Bills when I was younger. Or perhaps I should’ve just listened to the wise voices already in my life.

Either way, I could’ve avoided guilt, heartache, and pain if I’d listened to the wisdom of others. And, as I raise my kids and mentor younger co-workers, I’ve learned that I have a bit of wisdom to share, too.

A wise guy

In a fourth-grade production, I played King Solomon, son of Israel’s great King David. In my two-foot-long beard and baby blue bathrobe, I’d argue my Solomon impression was spot on.

Solomon knew the importance of wisdom. And when God gave him the opportunity to request one gift that might help him as he took over for his father, he knew exactly what to ask for:

“Give me, therefore, wisdom and knowledge to govern this people, for otherwise who could rule this vast people of yours?” (2 Chronicles 1:10)

Solomon didn’t ask for power, riches, or fame. Instead, he asked God for wisdom — the ability to see the world through God’s lens and, in doing so, the discernment to know right from wrong.

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So often we don’t care about right or wrong…or at least we don’t prioritize it. I know I don’t. I speed because I want to get home faster. I don’t consider how doing so might impact the drivers around me. I want a promotion. I don’t think about my coworker who deserves it more. I’m selfish. I’m sinful. And I lack judgment. I’m unwise.

But aren’t we all?

I’ve heard it said that we should live with an eternal perspective. In other words, we should live life on earth knowing that what we think, believe, and do will impact our eternal destiny. But that’s often not easy, especially while struggling through daily deadlines, financial shortfalls, and with the people in our lives.

Follow Solomon’s lead

So how do we become wiser? James, in just the second paragraph of the introduction to his epistle, tells us.

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and he will be given it.” (James 1:5)

That’s what Solomon did, and that’s what we should do, too.

Pray for wisdom. Ask God and the saints for guidance. Read the wise words of Scripture, particularly the Proverbs; many of which were penned by wise King Solomon himself. Without wisdom, we’ll never be able to see things the way God sees them.

You may be asking what any of this has to do with age. If we can ask God for wisdom, why would older folks be wiser than their younger counterparts?

While God can certainly grant wisdom, experience plays its part, too. If we suffer the consequences of our dumb choices — or see others do so — our future decisions will likely be wiser. The same applies to the good choices we make or observe.

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I’ve observed family members whose work and finances stressed them so much that they drank half a dozen cans of beer a night to cope. As a result of my observations, I’ve accepted jobs that have manageable stress levels, as well as hours that allow me to spend plenty of time with my family.

I’ve also, on occasion, spent so much time caring for my family that I’ve neglected to care for my own needs. This has caused me to feel bitter toward my family even though it’s my fault. As a result, I’m learning that it’s okay to occasionally take some time for myself. A few hours on the lake with a fishing rod in hand does wonders for my sanity.

While I would in no way consider myself wise, I guarantee I’m much wiser than I was even a year or two ago.

I’m sure the same is true for you, too. And asking God to refine your wisdom even further will provide you with the tools you’ll need to navigate life’s biggest challenges. Your experiences plus God’s guidance will work together to provide you the insight you didn’t realize you needed.

Instead of trusting the loudest voices, seek God’s wisdom. And instead of yearning for your younger days, thank God for your experiences and embrace the gray.

October 23, 2024
6 Bible Verses That Shepherd My Parenting

When I became a Christian, I felt like God was inviting me to come to him for parenting support, through prayer and reading his word.

When I first looked at what the Bible said, I didn’t see much advice for parents. Apart from the often-quoted Proverbs 22:6 “train up a child in the way he should go,” there doesn’t seem to be a lot of advice that directly speaks to our parenting challenges. However, a deeper look reveals that many verses can support parents raising their children.

RELATED: How Memorizing Prayers Brought My Family Closer to God

Loving our children is a reflection, on the micro level, of how Jesus loves us. As imperfect humans with a tendency to sin, it’s a lot to live up to, but thankfully God gave us his Holy Spirit to be with us.

Here are six Bible verses to meditate on and memorize to help us along our parenting journey. I try to read and reread these as often as I can so that when I’m in a sticky parenting situation, God’s words of advice remind me to parent in the spirit and not in the flesh.

1. Remember the fruit

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23).

There are many parenting moments where I don’t feel peaceful or patient, when my words aren’t kind or gentle. Having this verse at the forefront of my mind can interrupt any negative patterns of thinking. It’s so easy to forget, which is why I like to read this one often; I even spent a week meditating on it. You could put it in a prominent place like your bathroom mirror, or on the fridge.

2. Pray without ceasing

Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).

When I first became a Christian three years ago, I gave up new-age practices after God showed me to rely solely on him. However, my parenting actually deteriorated for a while as I did not share my problems with him! It felt much harder to rely on a God I could not see. It took an inspiring sermon on the power of prayer to really make me sit down every day, and make sure I gave every anxiety to God. After that, I felt much calmer as a parent.

It can be all too easy to get caught up in my worries and not involve God. The Bible is full of reminders such as; “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:16) and “do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

3. Speak gently

A soft answer turns back wrath: but a harsh word stirs up anger (Prov. 15:1).

When I want to make a request or set a limit with my kids, it can be easy to let my own emotions come out in my tone of voice. Sometimes I get frustrated about the state of the kitchen or my irritation rises as a simple request is met with complaints or arguing. Nevertheless, using a gentle, loving tone, even when we need to hold a firm limit can help to build the sense of connection children need to cooperate with us.

LISTEN: Tackling Kids’ Tough Questions of Faith

4. Stay quiet

No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison (James 3.8).

I have found this particularly helpful as my daughter has gotten older and more prone to debating or questioning me. Sometimes rising irritation can lead me to say things that I may regret later. In those moments, I try to remember the book of James which has many reminders about staying quiet.

5. Stop complaining

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world (Philippians 2:14-15).

Before coming to Christ, I must admit I complained a lot, often about the state of the house and the amount of items on my to-do list. I thought of it as a healthy expression of my feelings, but in reality, there were times when my moaning just created a bad atmosphere. This verse helps me, as it acknowledges that yes, this world is fallen and broken, so there will be many struggles. But we are servants of Christ so it’s our job to shine.

6. God makes the impossible possible

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19.26).

There have been moments when things seem impossibly hard, and I feel there is no hope. When I find myself caught thinking I’m not a good enough parent, or this is never going to change, I just remember that I’m not doing it alone.

October 16, 2024
Breaking the Cycle: How I Stopped Worshipping My Phone

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were running errands with our 1-year-old and 3-year-old. Since they were tired and a little cranky, she ran into the grocery store to get bread while I waited in the car with the boys.

I pulled out my phone and started to answer emails and scroll through social media.

My older son, Benedict, began to ask me questions about random things — and I continued to scroll on my phone as I answered him. After about two minutes, Ben said, “Daddy, get off your phone. I’m talking to you.” He wasn’t stating it angrily. His tone was more sad that his father was not paying attention to him. At that moment, I felt like I was choosing my phone over my son. I was ashamed, but I felt something else: convicted to love him more. So, I put my phone down in the car, and I pledged to put it down more often.

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We all know that people of all ages have become addicted to their phones. They have become an extension of our bodies. According to Consumer Affairs, “on average, cell phone users look at their phones 144 times a day,” and the average American spends 4 hours and 39 minutes on their phone every day. That means we spend almost 70 days staring at that small rectangular device in our pockets over the course of a year.

In many ways, I worshipped my phone. What we worship is what we spend the most time thinking about and what we care most about. Worship is what orients our time, energy, and attention.

When Ben called me out about my phone, it didn’t feel good, but choosing to separate myself from my phone certainly did. I realized that my phone was keeping me from loving my family more and distracting me from opportunities to pray more often. So, I began to place my phone in my room when I got home from work until the kids went to bed. This freed me to be so much more attentive to my kids and my wife. I was looking them in the eyes; I was more willing to simply play on the floor with my sons.

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I also found myself freer from the worries of that particular workday and more present with my family, rather than thinking about what others were saying on social media or the score of the sports game. I became more concerned with the person in front of me rather than a screen, and, quite frankly, more happy because I wasn’t living through my device; I was living for my loved ones.

I also began to charge my phone on my dresser rather than my nightstand to avoid numbingly scrolling through social media or the internet at night. This made me more eager to speak to my wife about our day or to pray for an extended period before bed. The unproductive time I would have spent on my phone became a time for true worship.

The combination of healthier relationships in my family and more intimate prayer time has allowed me to further appreciate the need to be detached from my phone. It also helped me understand that by loving God first, along with my family, I was placing the one who is to be worshipped alone in his proper place.

This week, consider your phone habits. Look up your screen time and reflect on if those around you would claim that you occasionally choose your phone over conversation with them. If so, make a commitment to put it down. Then watch and see how your worship of God and relationships can flourish.

September 13, 2024
‘Inside Out 2’ and the Journey of Self-Acceptance and Reconciliation

“Inside Out 2” (Courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures)

As a rising kindergartener, my 5-year-old feels our summer schedule should encompass all things big-kid-related. One of her ideas for a rite of passage: movie theaters. I was hesitant at first, but after she saw a trailer for “Inside Out 2,” there was no stopping the flood of requests to see the new movie.

We attended a sensory-friendly screening where the lights are merely dimmed and the volume plays a tad softer. Overall, it was a success. My 2-and-a-half-year-old lost interest midway through, but discovered the joys of popcorn and was placated, while my big kid was utterly mesmerized.

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For those unfamiliar with the “Inside Out” movies, the plots center on the Emotions that reside in our heads: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Envy. These Emotions control the console of our feelings while creating and storing memories. The mind in which most of the plot’s action takes place belongs to Riley, a lovable young lady who is 11 in the first movie and 13 in the sequel. The first film is a favorite at our house and focuses on the important roles of both Joy and Sadness in our life and growth.

The writers of Pixar’s “Inside Out 2” succeeded again in crafting a film that not only appeals to youngsters, but also speaks with a nuanced wisdom to tweens, teens, and adults. While the new emotions in Riley’s head, led by Anxiety, have received a great deal of attention, an aspect of the movie that fascinated me was the Belief System.

The Belief System is a curated set of memories that create Riley’s continually forming Sense of Self. At the start of “Inside Out 2,” the audience witnesses Joy carefully choosing good memories to add to Riley’s Belief System; thereby forming a string of light that fuels and develops the Sense of Self. Joy also creates a launching device for all painful or embarrassing memories; they are sent flying to the back of the mind. The emotions express pride in Riley’s Sense of Self as it intones beliefs like “I am a good person” and “I am a good friend.” Then, puberty begins and Anxiety usurps the console of Emotions.

Anxiety destroys Riley’s Sense of Self and begins to form a new Sense of Self based on anxious beliefs; this new Belief System crackles and pops while shining a scalding orange. Riley acts out of character, ignoring her friends in favor of popularity, lying for clout, and appearing altogether lost internally. The Emotions are faced with a tough choice as they struggle to fight Anxiety and restore Riley’s Sense of Self: Do they release the bad memories to influence the Belief System in order to incorporate the good ones as well?

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The Emotions realize that clinging to the Belief that we are all good, without the nuance of our flaws, isn’t a realistic or healthy way to live. The floodgate of memories is unleashed and Riley copes with the influx of new threads to her Belief System: She is a good person, but she makes mistakes and bad choices. Riley doesn’t accept her faults, but instead acknowledges them, and attempts to repair the damage she’s done. She finds a way to grow and move forward with a more holistic view of who she is.

As I sat in the theater with my daughters cuddled on either side of me, I couldn’t help but think about how we as Christians take this idea of acknowledging our faults to an even more fulfilling conclusion.

Rather than being left with the emotions in our head waging war against our poor choices and their effects on our Sense of Self, we are offered a beautiful example of love and forgiveness through God’s offer of Reconciliation. When we bring our whole selves, mistakes and all, vulnerably before God, He offers us grace. We are reminded in Romans 5:8 that, “God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Our faults do not have to become entrenched in our Sense of Self; we recognize our sinfulness and we bring it to him who loves us nonetheless.

When we acknowledge before God our failings, mistakes, and sins, we move into a relationship of love; for as C.S. Lewis writes “to love at all is to be vulnerable.” This vulnerability and willingness to confess our sins before God allows us to accept his love and grace. As Riley has to come to understand her Sense of Self as a fluctuating core, capable of good and bad choices, we too have the chance to humbly admit our failures and embrace our deep need for God.

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My 5-year-old tends to be hard on herself when she makes a mistake – a reaction I understand all too well. We often talk through how a poor choice does not indicate that you are a mean or bad person; in fact, feeling regret and disappointment in your actions shows that you know what is right, good, and true. The key is to make amends for our bad decisions. I appreciated how the movie showed Riley’s realization of her unkind behavior towards her friends, and her willingness to apologize and patiently build back their trust. When Riley makes amends with the friends whom she has hurt, she has to admit that she was wrong, but she moves towards a wholeness within herself.

Reconciliation restores not only our relationship with God, but also our relationship with ourselves. Acknowledging our need for God’s grace creates an opportunity for our Sense of Self to broaden from internal musings to external appreciation for what God tells us about ourselves. He reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), we are precious, honored, (Isaiah 43), chosen (Ephesians 1), created in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27), forgiven (1 John 1:9), and loved (Romans 8:38). When our Sense of Self wavers, as “Inside Out 2” reminds us it is prone to do, we can lean back on the truth of what God tells us about ourselves.

I think the concept that our feelings about ourselves will change over time is an important one for both young and mature audiences. There are days of soaring pride and dark disappointment. However, when our Sense of Self relies not on our own fluctuating emotions, but on the steady promises of God, we can rest in the peace of his gaze. This is my hope and prayer for my girls, that movies like “Inside Out 2” remind them that everyone struggles with identity and belonging, yet their worth is not measured by feelings or validation from their peers. Their significance and Sense of Self is guaranteed and beautifully crafted by a God who loves them and welcomes them with open arms.

August 2, 2024
Summer Spirituality: Building a Habit of Prayer In Ordinary Time

I find Lent and Advent easy to commit to, in many ways. The practices throughout these seasons have been ingrained in my mind since I was a small child. There is a clear beginning and ending, and I know what to expect from each period. These are the times that I am supposed to be working on my faith – so I sign up for a reflection book, make a commitment to pray the Rosary, or take on some other faith-related exercise. Summer is a different story.

The nice weather and fluid schedules often lead me to feeling lost in my spiritual life. I can easily go days without praying for more than a few minutes at a time. Since I usually do not make a conscious choice to commit to a prayer practice, I allow the summer to slip by without growing much in my faith. I realized that I needed to add a spiritual element after my experience a few summers ago. I found that I hardly ever prayed, other than right before bed. It is a blessing to be able to relax more and spend more time outside, but if I am honest, those good things often took the place of the greatest thing: my relationship with God.

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I realized I became less patient and less kind towards my family members and others during the summer because I was not connected to the experience of God’s love in prayer. My lack of commitment to spending time with God and my relationship with him led to less intentionality in my other relationships. Neglecting prayer can become fuel for ignoring others.

With this in mind, I tried something different last summer. I decided to make a commitment, as I would at the beginning of Advent or Lent, to deepen my prayer life and intimacy with God. I would carve out the summer from the middle of June to the end of August and make these six weeks a time of dedication to God and growth in my spiritual life.

My idea was to imitate Jesus’ actions of going off and praying on his own throughout the Gospels. I wanted to make each day of the summer a “mini-retreat”, like Jesus often would when he went to the mountains or a deserted place to pray (Mark 1:35; Mark 6:46; Luke 6:12). Specifically, I wanted to spend time contemplating the “solitary place” that Jesus went to. So, I decided to pray every morning, in the same place, and in a similar way.

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I set an earlier alarm every day, sat on the same spot on the couch, and located a crucifix on the wall to center my focus. I found that the first step of waking up early is the most important. In order to increase my odds, I moved my phone charger to my dresser so that I would have to get out of bed to shut off my alarm each morning. Before doing so, I was too prone to hit the snooze button. Then I would wake up when the kids woke up and lose out on my time for prayer. The early mornings served as a great stage to offer my entire day to God.

Second, I sat in the same space each day to increase the context of my prayer. The routine of sitting in the same space each day slowly sanctifies that space and triggers in my mind that I am about to enter into something special and holy. Once I adopted this habit, it became easier to pray, and I began to enter into deep prayer more quickly. The scene was simple and ordinary, but I slowly began to work the muscles of prayer each morning, in a similar way. The space and the entire process led me to become more used to praying in silence each day. I began to crave it.

Finally, I wanted to move a crucifix to my place of prayer so that I could focus on something when my mind began to drift. I got in the habit of beginning my time gazing at the cross and asking Christ to guide me in being alone with him. Then I would read the Gospel of the day, reflect on a key phrase or action of Jesus, and end with some time of quiet prayer looking at the cross again.

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I found that it was the commitment to making summer prayerful that made all of the difference. Once I was intentional about how I would spend the very first parts of my day, I was able to encounter God in ways that I never had before in silence and in the solitary space of my own living room. I was also able to be more of the man that I am being called to be: more patient and kind with my family. While far from perfect, prayer is continuing to radically change me.

Summer is not simply a time for rest and relaxation in the sun. Like all seasons, it is a chance to grow in intimacy with God. This summer, make your own commitment to prayer and watch him move to meet you every single day.

June 21, 2024
A New Perspective on Our Faith: A Look at First Reconciliation Through My Daughter’s Eyes

Photo by Yandry Fernández Perdomo on Cathopic

My daughter is in second grade, which means it is the year of her First Communion. When she began her religious education classes at our parish this year, her dad and I were focused on preparing her for this milestone. We had prayers to practice, doctrines to discuss, and — as my daughter kept reminding me — a dress to dream about and purchase.

While the weekend of her First Communion was beautiful, what I found in the time leading up to it was that it was not that sacrament that my daughter was focused on most. It was the Sacrament of Reconciliation she was particularly curious about.

What would she tell the priest? My daughter wondered. Would she talk to our parish priest specifically, the one she knows, the one who plays the harmonica and likes chocolate? Would he dislike her after she told her sins to him?

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At dinner, my daughter would pretend to whisper her sins to her older brother, and he would laugh. If you knew her, you would know that this was a sign of how nervous she was about the experience, joking to cover up her worries, playing pretend to imagine the experience.

As someone who converted to Catholicism at age 28, I felt as if I couldn’t always field my daughter’s questions or worries in the best way. I had never been a child participating in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and children see the world through different lenses than adults. How was I to guide her and ease her nervousness?

I talked with her about my experience with First Reconciliation, which she joked must have been hours long because I was almost 30 when I went. Just think about all of those sins I had to recount, she jested. While I didn’t recount all of my sins with her as I did during my first Confession, what I did share with her was the feeling of relief I experienced after it.

I told her I was nervous like her when I went the first time, and I still get nervous, every time. Somehow, though, my soul always feels healed afterward. God’s grace, working through the priest, transforms my heart, and I feel lighter. The sacrament is a gift, and the nervousness we feel before we go to Confession is natural because, unlike Christ, we aren’t perfect. We sin, and so we try to reconcile ourselves and our hearts with him. This is how I tried to explain it to her at least, focusing on the feelings after the Confessional experience rather than what seemed to be the worries plaguing her heart before it.

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On the day of her First Confession, my daughter dressed up, not in her communion dress, but in one of her other favorites. To her, that Saturday felt as momentous as the next day, the day of her First Communion, would be. After all, one could not happen without the other. We practiced her confessional prayer before we left. We also discussed how she didn’t need to share anything she divulged about her sins in the confessional with her parents, her brother, or even the family dog unless she wanted to.

When we arrived at the parish and waited in line with the other children, she hopped from one foot to the next. There was a palpable sense of nervousness in the air. Some of the kids remarked noisily about their feelings, others simply stared, wide-eyed. On the car ride over, my daughter had wondered aloud if her confession would be longer or shorter than others, which might explain why she had inquired so persistently about the length of my first one.

As she ventured into the booth during her turn, I thought about the times as a family we had gone together and she had waited on me. What must it be like, as a child, to know your parents are receiving forgiveness for their sins?

Throughout this year, my family has made it a point to go to confession together during each liturgical season, and I have been cognizant of my daughter’s eyes on me, searching and following, contemplating her own future steps in the Church as she grows up in it — and she sees her family growing up in it, too.

I speak with her often about how, as a child, she gets to experience the faith in a different way than I did because she receives many of the sacraments over time in her life (i.e. Baptism, Reconciliation, Communion, Confirmation), whereas I received them fairly close together in an RCIA setting. Through witnessing her journey, my faith deepens because I experience the sacraments anew, this time with a child’s gaze. We learn together, I tell her. She teaches me, as much as I do her.

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With this said, God teaches us all through his sacraments, through these channels of God’s grace. I am reminded of Psalm, 32:8, which reads, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” Throughout this year, I have felt God’s loving eye on both my daughter and me. Our journey toward her Reconciliation has been one of growth and togetherness.

It is likely not a surprise that when my daughter came out of the confessional, she looked lighter. Her smile of relief mixed with joy is one I’ll never forget. We did her penance together.

On the way home, I saw she had grabbed my phone and had texted her dad who was working that day. “She was very nervous!” she wrote about herself. Imagine a few thousand cry/laugh emojis attached to this text.

After I took my phone back, I told her that while she may have been nervous, I was also a little nervous (to which she laughed), but that she did great.

“We both did great,” she responded.

In the end, preparing my daughter for the Sacrament of Reconciliation not only laid the groundwork for her to enter more fully into the Church, but also reconciled me closer to her, to God, and the sacraments that drew me to convert to the faith in the first place.

It deepened our connection to each other, and most importantly, to God’s love and his wondrous works in the world — in my family’s hearts.

May 29, 2024