Tag: death

  • Virtual Remembrance Retreat

    Virtual Remembrance Retreat

    With All Souls’ Day, November 2, Catholic parishes and other faith communities begin a month-long remembrance for all who have died. In the same spirit, we share this retreat as a way to remember the people in your life who have died. This virtual retreat offers a chance for you to reflect more deeply on what they have taught you, as well as an opportunity to offer thanks and determine how their legacy will guide your life going forward. Click here to open/download a PDF of the retreat.

    Getting started

    Many faith communities have a Book of Remembrance in which people are invited to write the names of those who have died.

    Begin your retreat by writing down the names of the people you would like to remember. In order to not overwhelm yourself, list no more than five names per retreat. Write these names in your journal, on a writing pad, or on a small note board so they remain visible to you for a few days. Next to each name, write a two-word description of that person. No more than two words for now, you can write more later if you’d like.

    Here’s an example:

    Michael Davis – faithful friend.

    Finally, light a candle in memory of the one(s) you have named as a sign of hopefulness

    Prayer (based on Numbers 6:24-26)

    “The Lord bless you and keep you! The Lord let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace!”

    Gracious God, Author of Life and Victor over Death, at this time of remembrance, I ask that you continue to bless and keep (say the names you listed above) who are now at rest in death. Smile upon them and give them your grace. Please continue to bless and keep me as well as any who were a part of their lives. May their rest be peaceful as you show them your kindness. Through Christ our Lord, Amen.

    Giving thanks

    For each person that you’ve listed, speak or write something about that person for which you are thankful.

    Reflection

    Based on your relationship with each person you have named, select one of the four ways below to reflect more deeply. Your reflection will be structured as a conversation for you to have either with the person you have named, with yourself, or with God. Conduct the conversation as you wish (writing, speaking, praying). Go at your own pace and challenge yourself to move a bit beyond your comfort zone for the sake of healing, integrity, and insight.

    “I am still grieving over you.”

    • Talk about what you are feeling specifically at this stage of your grieving.
    • Talk about what you are doing to cope with your grieving. What support do you have?
    • Talk about what you hope for in the midst of the grieving.
    • Pray for comfort in this time of grief.

    “I really need/want to let go of something concerning you.”

    • Talk about why you need or want to forgive the person you have named.
    • Talk about what you are doing to help you let go. What support do you have?
    • Talk about any insights you have gained that might explain why the person you have named hurt or offended you.
    • Make a statement of your intention to let go and move on.
    • Pray for the strength to show mercy.

    “I wish I could have said this to you.”

    • Talk about what the person you have named means to you.
    • Talk about what specifically you wanted to say to them and why.
    • Talk about what you hoped for in your relationship with the person you named.
    • Pray for your peace of mind and heart.

    “I hope you are at peace.”

    • Talk about what the person you have named went through.
    • Talk about what you hope the person experiences in this time of rest.
    • Talk about how your perspectives and outlooks have grown in virtue because of knowing the
    • person you have named.
    • Pray for a peaceful rest for the person you have named.

    Legacy

    Here is an opportunity for you to mention what the person you have named has taught you and what you would like to carry forward in your own life. Use the guidelines below for creating your legacy statement:

    In the course of their life, (names from above) taught me to ___________. In gratitude and hope, I plan to live out their lesson by ___________, with the help of God.

    Closing prayer

    Excellent Lord, you are the God of the living and of the dead. In the moment of remembering (names from above) who have died, I take this time to commend so many who have died to your loving care. Especially remember those who have died alone, children who have died, those who have died from disease and poverty, and those who have died as a result of war or violence. May they truly rest in peace.

    For the ones who loved them, give comfort. Let them know your loving care through your presence and the presence of friends and community. May those who are grieving be touched by tangible expressions of consolation and support.

    God, in your grace, show those who have died your loving mercy. And, in your wisdom, let their legacies help us live better lives. Amen.

    Conclusion

    Here are a few suggestions for your ongoing remembrance:

    • Write the names of those you are remembering in your parish’s Book of Remembrance.
    • Light a candle in a church for the ones you have named in this retreat.
    • Create a page in your journal for each person you have named. Add photos and even funeral programs to your entries.
    • Use the legacy portion of this retreat with others. Plan a time with family or mutual friends to celebrate and remember the legacy of the deceased.

     

    Originally published on November 1, 2017.

  • Keeping the Faith After Loss: Catholic Resources for Those Affected by Suicide

    Keeping the Faith After Loss: Catholic Resources for Those Affected by Suicide

    for an article on suicide awareness, an empty bench with autumn leaves on the ground behind itAhead of this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day, we at Busted Halo prayerfully remember and pray for the souls of those who have died by suicide, for people who are vulnerable to suicide, and for those who are impacted by loss. As Catholics, we believe in the sanctity and dignity of every human life, no matter the struggles they face. We are called to support those who are struggling with compassion, empathy, and well-informed action and awareness efforts. 

    We hope these articles and podcasts on suicide and resources for those impacted by it, enlighten, offer consolation, and inspire hope. 

    What Happens to the Soul of Someone Who Commits Suicide? 

    “Many people were raised thinking that the soul of a person who commits suicide can never be redeemed. Father Dave addresses these concerns and misconceptions, making specific reference to the Catechism, which says, ‘We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.’ 

    Father Dave continues, ‘We pray for people who have committed suicide in the same way we pray for anyone who has died. We pray for their soul.’”

    Do People Who Commit Suicide Go to Hell? 

    “In today’s times, we know much more about mental illness than ever before. We now know that anyone who commits suicide is not in control over their own actions. For something to be sinful, by definition, it needs to be done willfully, meaning, we need to be free to make the choice to commit the act in the first place and we have to know that the act is sinful.

    So therefore, if one is not in control over their own actions, they cannot be held responsible for what they have done, suicide included.”

    9 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend (That Aren’t Bringing a Meal) 

    “From my own experiences, I’ve learned that while the standard ‘Please let me know if there’s anything I can do’ means well, concrete action provides so much more assistance. When you know a friend is laid low in the mire of grief or despair, don’t wait for their call. Take action. Step in. Show up. Whether it’s bringing a meal or doing something less orthodox, any practical help will be welcomed with immense gratitude.”

    Grieving a Loved One’s Loss to Suicide

    “What we hope is that these books can bring comfort and healing to people who are in such terrible grief. Heaped on top of losing someone is the stigma and even discrimination that goes along with suicide. Losing a loved one is always hard. When it’s by suicide, it can sadly it can make it even harder.”

    Approaching Mental Health Through a Catholic Lens With Deacon Ed Shoener

    Deacon Ed Shoener is the president of the Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers, and the co-author of two books with Bishop John Dolan of the Diocese of Phoenix, called “When a Loved One Dies by Suicide” and “Responding to Suicide: A Pastoral Handbook for Catholic Leaders.”

    Deacon Ed discusses mental health ministry in the Church. “We’re recognizing the need to do something about [mental health] and the need for God to be in the midst of this.”

    Experiencing Suicide Bereavement With the Help of the Sacraments

    “Every time I went to Mass after my sister’s death, I brought something with me. Often, it was anger against people I felt had contributed to my sister’s mental illness or had failed to help her. … During Mass, I acknowledged I did not know the whole picture and asked for the grace to forgive. I prayed for people I did not want to pray for, and gradually the anger eased.

    I am a Catholic convert. The sacraments have been a great support since my conversion, and especially now.” 

    Fr. Chris Alar on Finding Hope After a Loved One’s Suicide 

    “Fr. Chris explains that years after his grandmother’s death, a priest told him he can still pray for her, ‘I said “Father, how? She’s already been judged.”’ And he told me that God is outside of time. There’s no past. There’s no future. Everything is present eternally at one moment to God. … God will take my prayer into account for my grandmother at the moment of her death years ago.” 

    Discussion About Suicide from the Busted Halo Show

    Father Dave and Brett talk to a listener who recently lost his son by suicide. Father Dave explains that platitudes from well-wishers aren’t helpful to many who are grieving, and Brett opens up about his experience as someone who has friends who died by suicide. 

    My Daughter Committed Suicide. What Prayer Do I Say So That She Can Go To Heaven? 

    “Dearest Lord,

    We entrust (name) to your undying mercy and love.

    While in this life, they felt much pain and found life difficult.

    May you enfold them now with your love where no pain can find them, but rather your love can heal them.

    Make them Guardian Angels for those who struggle with life, for those who struggle to see you and the love that is around them.

    Give them Lord, kind admittance to your Kingdom and bring comfort to their families.

    We ask this, as we ask all things, through Christ our Lord. Amen.”

    Book: ‘The Catholic Guide to Depression: How the Saints, the Sacraments, and Psychiatry Can Help You Break Its Grip and Find Happiness Again’

    Extensive clinical experience treating patients with depression has shown author Dr. Kheriaty that the confessional can’t cure neuroses, nor can the couch forgive sin. Healing comes only when we integrate the legitimate discoveries of modern psychology and pharmacology with spiritual direction and the Sacraments, giving particular attention to the wisdom of the Church Fathers and the saints.

    Other Resources

    To Write Love On Her Arms

    To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

    The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families 

    Whether you’re grieving, or you’re helping someone who is grieving, Dougy Center is here for you. Find tip sheets, activities, podcasts, and more resources.

    The Trevor Project 

    The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ) young people under 25.

    Mental health resources for underrepresented communities (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)

    From the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, find mental health resources for minority and underrepresented communities, grouped by community.

    Suicide prevention resources (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)  

    From the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, find a list of resources for crisis situations, mental health care, and resources grouped by mental health conditions.

    If you or a loved one is ever experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 988. And consult Suicide Prevention Hotline if you are concerned for yourself or another.