Category: Life & Culture

Our Lady of the Assumption: Her Importance and Influence in Everyday Life

Photo by jlopez on Cathopic

One day, I asked students at the school where I work, “What’s the name of our school?” They responded in chorus with the expected exuberance of 23 first graders, “OLA!”

“What does OLA stand for?”

This response wasn’t quite as resounding as the first, “Our Lady of the Assumption!” Their eyes shone bright with proud enthusiasm.

“On what date do we celebrate Our Lady of the Assumption?”

Blank stares… then

“Wednesday!”

“Christmas!”

“New Year’s!”

One clever set of eyes darted about for clues and found a hint on a plaque hanging on the brick facade near where we stood outdoors, on our way inside from recess. She confidently blurted out “1952,” the only numbers on the plaque (the year the school was founded). Other parroting voices trailed in echo.

From that day on, the first graders could recall August 15 as Our Lady’s Day of Assumption as readily as they recalled their own birthdays. Whenever they did, I felt an inner joy and a renewed connection to Our Lady.

RELATED: Understanding and Celebrating the Feast of the Assumption

In addition to the date, the children would eventually learn the Church’s teaching on the Assumption: “The Most Blessed Virgin Mary, when the course of her life was completed, was taken up body and soul into the glory of heaven…” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 974).

Of Our Lady’s devotions and prayers, there are the Rosary, seven sorrows of Our Lady, Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, etc. Similar to their attractions to certain of her apparitions, many Marian devotees are partial to specific feast days. Often, one chooses a particular devotion because of an experience where Jesus opens a door, and his mother appears from behind it. That was the case for me and my devotion to Our Lady of the Assumption.

A few years ago, I felt a nudge from God that it was time to seek employment outside the home after a hiatus to raise my children. To take the guesswork out of where God was calling me, I prayed the Lord would open one and only one door for my employment. Eventually one opportunity arose and the Blessed Mother seemed to confirm it in a dream.

WATCH: Mary in 2 Minutes

In the beginning of employment at OLA, the name of where I worked held no significance for me. But when I had a hard time adjusting to my job, I found solace when my eyes landed on the sign that announced Our Lady of the Assumption, as I drove into the parking lot to start the day. In solid block letters announcing her title, I found consolation on difficult days and the comfort in knowing she had chosen this place for me.

There was a time, just after I converted to the Catholic faith as an adult, I didn’t know a thing about the Blessed Mother. After some buds of our relationship began to blossom, I attempted to keep Marian dates straight to honor her. Once, I mixed up the dates of the Immaculate Conception — December 8 — and Assumption — August 15 — by mistakenly combining the two days into one and confidently marking December 15 on my calendar as an important feast day.

While my family teases me for my inability to recall anything verbatim, not even a single lyric of a beloved song, I somehow memorized all the mysteries of the Rosary practically overnight. Through the Rosary, and the maternal mentors God has placed in my life, Our Lady weaves threads of her care. From guiding me to a counselor during the rocky times of marriage to selecting our children’s high school – titled after another of Mother Mary’s namesakes – her gentle presence in my life became palpable.

Last year, on August 15, as I attended the Solemnity of the Assumption Mass at the church and school that both bear her name, I marveled at how a last minute schedule change had brought me to this landmark Mass. Mother Mary indeed wanted me there to reassure me of her call for me to this place of employment.

RELATED: Why Does Mary Have So Many Different Feast Days and Names?

I randomly recalled that when my children were in elementary school, I would attend this Mass at their school every year to pour out all my hopes for the new school year to Our Lady. One year, after the August 15 Mass, my then-13-year-old daughter had announced that she was going to teach religious education classes. I immediately knew this was a grace from Our Lady. The fruit of Mother Mary’s intercession continued as my daughter taught catechism and Vacation Bible school classes the following years; she went on to obtain a college minor in teaching, and took a gap year after graduation to volunteer as a teacher. Our Lady of the Assumption’s intercession continues to bear great fruit in my family’s lives.

My new place of employment was her nod to me as my mother, and yet another thread confirming she claimed me as her own. At the place that bears her name, this mother of all mothers is schooling me in true discipleship. Lesson plans in love, sacrifice, and humility often shine a mirror on warts I never saw before; some days the virtues she’s trying to instill in me scratch against my pride and leave scrapes that feel like cuts. But when I look at my paycheck, I’m reminded that of all the places to work, I labor for Our Lady, and there is no one kinder and gentler to tutor me in the virtues.

One chooses a saint as his/her own because of an experience of his/her intercession. It’s a mystical, reciprocal companionship. A devotion to Our Lady’s feast day is similar. Of her feast days, I have to say Our Lady of the Assumption, where she schools me in lessons in love, is my favorite. Wherever I go, whenever I see a church or school named Our Lady’s Assumption. I feel the warmth of a mother’s arms; I’ll always honor her on this and other special occasions.

Our Lady of the Assumption, pray for us!

Originally published August 14, 2023.

August 14, 2024
‘Backyard Baseball’ and the Saints: Building Teams That Help Us Grow
Photo by nytumbleweeds on Bigstock

Pablo Sanchez, Pete Wheeler, Luanne Lui . . . Do these names strike any memories? If so, you may have invested more hours than you can count playing “Backyard Baseball” in the late ’90s and early 2000s. Perhaps you learned about “Backyard Baseball” recently, when fans of the original PC/Mac computer game launched an online server mimicking the features of the discontinued classic back in 2021.

Whether I had just come home from school or had been stuck inside during a snowstorm, I loved assembling a fictional team of neighborhood kids to play baseball in varying environments, such as Sandy Flats and Tin Can City — Playground Commons was my first choice. My favorite part was testing the unique cast of characters in different groups to create the most advantageous team. I laughed hard at their punchlines — “Slick, you made the right decision!” — and I admired their headstrong eagerness to help me, the player, win the game.

Recently, the cast of “Backyard Baseball” reminded me of another group of like-minded individuals who work together for the same purpose — the saints!

RELATED: What Are the Benefits of Praying to Saints?

Choosing a saint to pray to is a lot like choosing a player to join my team on “Backyard Baseball.” Once I select a team name, the characters all line up on the bleachers, eager to be picked — some even waving to get my attention. When I click on a player to learn more, I hear their pitch to join my team and see their skill ratings, which show the areas where they excel and falter. This is not much different from looking at the communion of saints and praying to one who catches my eye!

When looking to recruit players for batting, I may consider Achmed Khan, a strong hitter, or Vicki Kawaguchi, a fast runner. Similarly, when I need guidance in specific areas of my life, I think of certain saints right away — St. Joseph when I’m considering a career change or St. Maria Goretti when I’m pursuing a romantic relationship.

If I check out the rest of Khan’s stats, though, I’ll see he’s not the best pitcher. In fact, his skill rating is so low, I wonder if he’s ever thrown a ball straight in his life. Likewise, the saints, while living on earth, had their challenges. Although St. Therese of Lisieux had a strong prayer life, she struggled with mental health.

RELATED: How Video Games Helped Me Level Up My Faith

However, St. Paul advised in his second letter to the Corinthians that God’s grace “is made perfect in weakness” (12:9), meaning that God gives us more help and guidance to be like him and the saints because of our weaknesses. Much like a player from “Backyard Baseball,” the saints contribute to my team. When I fear that my anxiety and depression are clouding my mind and the voice of God, I pray to St. Therese for guidance, because she made it to heaven despite these obstacles.

Some characters like Sally Dobbs and Stephanie Morgan are evenly skilled across the scoreboard, not particularly talented in one specific area but reliable when placed in any position on the field. These characters remind me most of saints like St. Anthony of Padua, St. Paul, and St. Francis of Assisi, who are the patron saints of many areas. Many know St. Anthony as the patron saint of lost items, but he also guides me in improving ministries at my parish — he’s the patron of my local church!

No matter who’s on my baseball team, all these characters care about is winning the game for me, the player, just like the saints root for me to win salvation. In real life, our souls are at stake, and the saints so eagerly want to extend grace from God so that we can achieve eternal life.

We’re still on earth, and the saints are in Heaven in full communion with God. So why not ask for their help?

In case you’re wondering, here are the saints on my team!
- Maria Goretti — chastity and forgiveness
- Francis de Sales — writing
- Mother Cabrini — courage
- Pope John Paul II — evangelization
- Anthony of Padua — parish life
- Joseph the Worker — career life
- John of the Cross — dark times/spiritual desolation
- Therese of Lisieux — humility/mental health
- Mother Teresa — conviction
August 12, 2024
‘Inside Out 2’ and the Journey of Self-Acceptance and Reconciliation

“Inside Out 2” (Courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures)

As a rising kindergartener, my 5-year-old feels our summer schedule should encompass all things big-kid-related. One of her ideas for a rite of passage: movie theaters. I was hesitant at first, but after she saw a trailer for “Inside Out 2,” there was no stopping the flood of requests to see the new movie.

We attended a sensory-friendly screening where the lights are merely dimmed and the volume plays a tad softer. Overall, it was a success. My 2-and-a-half-year-old lost interest midway through, but discovered the joys of popcorn and was placated, while my big kid was utterly mesmerized.

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For those unfamiliar with the “Inside Out” movies, the plots center on the Emotions that reside in our heads: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Envy. These Emotions control the console of our feelings while creating and storing memories. The mind in which most of the plot’s action takes place belongs to Riley, a lovable young lady who is 11 in the first movie and 13 in the sequel. The first film is a favorite at our house and focuses on the important roles of both Joy and Sadness in our life and growth.

The writers of Pixar’s “Inside Out 2” succeeded again in crafting a film that not only appeals to youngsters, but also speaks with a nuanced wisdom to tweens, teens, and adults. While the new emotions in Riley’s head, led by Anxiety, have received a great deal of attention, an aspect of the movie that fascinated me was the Belief System.

The Belief System is a curated set of memories that create Riley’s continually forming Sense of Self. At the start of “Inside Out 2,” the audience witnesses Joy carefully choosing good memories to add to Riley’s Belief System; thereby forming a string of light that fuels and develops the Sense of Self. Joy also creates a launching device for all painful or embarrassing memories; they are sent flying to the back of the mind. The emotions express pride in Riley’s Sense of Self as it intones beliefs like “I am a good person” and “I am a good friend.” Then, puberty begins and Anxiety usurps the console of Emotions.

Anxiety destroys Riley’s Sense of Self and begins to form a new Sense of Self based on anxious beliefs; this new Belief System crackles and pops while shining a scalding orange. Riley acts out of character, ignoring her friends in favor of popularity, lying for clout, and appearing altogether lost internally. The Emotions are faced with a tough choice as they struggle to fight Anxiety and restore Riley’s Sense of Self: Do they release the bad memories to influence the Belief System in order to incorporate the good ones as well?

RELATED: Spiritual Streaming: 5 Faith-Themed Films for Your Next Movie Night

The Emotions realize that clinging to the Belief that we are all good, without the nuance of our flaws, isn’t a realistic or healthy way to live. The floodgate of memories is unleashed and Riley copes with the influx of new threads to her Belief System: She is a good person, but she makes mistakes and bad choices. Riley doesn’t accept her faults, but instead acknowledges them, and attempts to repair the damage she’s done. She finds a way to grow and move forward with a more holistic view of who she is.

As I sat in the theater with my daughters cuddled on either side of me, I couldn’t help but think about how we as Christians take this idea of acknowledging our faults to an even more fulfilling conclusion.

Rather than being left with the emotions in our head waging war against our poor choices and their effects on our Sense of Self, we are offered a beautiful example of love and forgiveness through God’s offer of Reconciliation. When we bring our whole selves, mistakes and all, vulnerably before God, He offers us grace. We are reminded in Romans 5:8 that, “God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Our faults do not have to become entrenched in our Sense of Self; we recognize our sinfulness and we bring it to him who loves us nonetheless.

When we acknowledge before God our failings, mistakes, and sins, we move into a relationship of love; for as C.S. Lewis writes “to love at all is to be vulnerable.” This vulnerability and willingness to confess our sins before God allows us to accept his love and grace. As Riley has to come to understand her Sense of Self as a fluctuating core, capable of good and bad choices, we too have the chance to humbly admit our failures and embrace our deep need for God.

LISTEN: Co-Creator of ‘Blue’s Clues’ and ‘Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood’ Offers Life Lessons for All Ages

My 5-year-old tends to be hard on herself when she makes a mistake – a reaction I understand all too well. We often talk through how a poor choice does not indicate that you are a mean or bad person; in fact, feeling regret and disappointment in your actions shows that you know what is right, good, and true. The key is to make amends for our bad decisions. I appreciated how the movie showed Riley’s realization of her unkind behavior towards her friends, and her willingness to apologize and patiently build back their trust. When Riley makes amends with the friends whom she has hurt, she has to admit that she was wrong, but she moves towards a wholeness within herself.

Reconciliation restores not only our relationship with God, but also our relationship with ourselves. Acknowledging our need for God’s grace creates an opportunity for our Sense of Self to broaden from internal musings to external appreciation for what God tells us about ourselves. He reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), we are precious, honored, (Isaiah 43), chosen (Ephesians 1), created in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27), forgiven (1 John 1:9), and loved (Romans 8:38). When our Sense of Self wavers, as “Inside Out 2” reminds us it is prone to do, we can lean back on the truth of what God tells us about ourselves.

I think the concept that our feelings about ourselves will change over time is an important one for both young and mature audiences. There are days of soaring pride and dark disappointment. However, when our Sense of Self relies not on our own fluctuating emotions, but on the steady promises of God, we can rest in the peace of his gaze. This is my hope and prayer for my girls, that movies like “Inside Out 2” remind them that everyone struggles with identity and belonging, yet their worth is not measured by feelings or validation from their peers. Their significance and Sense of Self is guaranteed and beautifully crafted by a God who loves them and welcomes them with open arms.

August 2, 2024
The Camino de Santiago: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

The scallop shell, a symbol of the Camino, is found attached to the backpacks of most pilgrims. (Photo courtesy of the author)

“Hiking on the Camino can become addictive,” a pilgrim on the Camino de Santiago told a small group of us while we were having dinner together in an albergue (pilgrim inn) a few years ago. His words proved prophetic – I have done three Caminos and counting! I began my third pilgrimage on the Caminho Portugués in October 2023. I had missed the sound of my hiking poles touching the ground, the meeting up with other pilgrims as well as time alone for quiet reflection, and the visits to chapels, churches, and cathedrals along the way, but mostly I missed the feeling of just being on the Camino as so many others have done before.

Starting out on The Portuguese Way

The Caminho Portugués starts in Lisbon and continues to Porto, where the majority of pilgrims begin their journey. I headed out from there in October 2023, intending to go as far as I could depending on weather. The Caminho Portugués was my shortest hike, but no less meaningful than the other Caminos I have traveled. Having no set time limit, I lingered where I chose, taking time to simply enjoy being where I was, once again on the Pilgrim Way. Like so many other pilgrims, I visited the Igreja de Carmo, the 18th-century baroque church famous for its stunning blue murals on the exterior walls, among other historic places.

RELATED: My Virtual Camino: Celebrating the Feast of St. James in My Own Backyard

The gift of humanity

About a week into my Portuguese Camino hike in the village of Tamelo, I was waiting for the albergue to open. A Belgian woman in her 40s sat across from me outside and told me that her 43-year-old athletic, healthy husband had died of esophageal cancer two years before. Her depression became so severe that she had to stop working. Her son, who had hiked the Portuguese Camino as a way of healing, suggested she do the same.

Sharing such stories with complete strangers is not unusual on the Camino. It seems to make us lower our defenses and laughter, love, caring, and sharing become the norm. Such conversations felt like gifts to me, gifts of people’s humanity and kindness.

The taxi angel

Not long after that conversation, the rain began overnight. Lacking the heartiness of some pilgrims, I found that hiking in the rain under a plastic poncho, which caused uncomfortably damp clothes, made it time for me to cheat a little. But it was Sunday in rural Portugal and no buses were running, so I called a taxi, using my Spanish in Portugal to explain where I was and where I wanted to go.

“Dez minutos,’’ I was told. Ten minutes. Ten minutes turned into 30. I called again. “Dos minutos,” I was told, two minutes, and right at two minutes, a well-worn black car pulled into the bus stop. I placed my small bag in the trunk, which was full of odds and ends and jumper cables. Strange that this was a taxi, I thought, but this was rural Portugal on a Sunday morning. The driver went north for about 20 minutes and then stopped at another rural bus stop.

RELATED: Everyone Walks Their Own Camino

A Portuguese cyclist who spoke good English came by. I told him of my predicament, that I was trying to get to Punto do Lima. The driver then explained to the cyclist that he was, in fact, not a taxi driver but he could see I needed help, so he was just giving me a lift.

Just then, two Canadian hikers whom I had run into now and then on the Camino literally came out of the woods. When I explained what had happened, we all laughed, and then one of the hikers, Ken, said to me, “The Camino always gives.” The man in the black car was my taxi angel, I realized, another gift from the camino. The cyclist called a real taxi, I gave a very happy “Obrigado” (thank you) to the car angel, and the taxi driver took me to an albergue in Punto do Lima, where I spent a dry and comfortable night.

Arrival in Santiago de Compostela

The hand of a pilgrim hugging the statue of Saint James in the Cathedral of Compostela. (Photo courtesy of the author)

After hiking for 10 days, I arrived in Santiago de Compostela and seeing the Cathedral of Saint James again was no less enthralling. I got in line to hug the statue of Saint James, a pilgrim tradition, and said a prayer of thanks for all of it. I received Communion with many other pilgrims from around the world. Seeing their faces with their looks of wonder, happiness, belief, disbelief – I don’t know which word best describes the look on their faces, so maybe all of them will have to do.

And then another gift — seeing the botafumeiro, the incense burner, so large and heavy that five priests are needed to lift it above the chancel and swing it, a sight which happens only infrequently. I looked in wonder and said another silent prayer of thanks.

A camino full of grace

Just a few months before my hike, my closest friend from high school passed away. I lit a candle for her before the altar of Saint James. That same night I dreamt about her as she was when we were growing up together. In the dream, we both knew she was still ill, but that dream was like having one more chance to see her well and laughing. Maybe that dream was yet another gift.

I will miss the pilgrims I met in Tamelo and others along the way, all on a pilgrimage for their own reasons so willingly shared. Friendship and affection grew easily among us, and it is doubtful I’ll ever see them again, but the Camino is like that. Angels come and go. “How many Caminos have you done?” is a familiar question among us pilgrims. This was my third Camino, but I’m sure there will be a fourth, and fifth – with arms open to receive the Camino’s grace.

July 24, 2024
Faith and Fitness: 3 Spiritual Lessons I Learned From CrossFit

The author, at her CrossFit gym, taking a well-deserved water break.

When I came to my first CrossFit class three years ago, I arrived to prove to my sister how much I would not enjoy it. As someone who identified as “not a gym person,” I could not lift an empty barbell, did not know how to use a rowing machine, and could not do one push-up (even from my knees). Today, I can lift (power clean) 125 pounds, use the rower like I know how to walk, and perform 15 regular pushups. And I really have no clue how this happened. The physical gains in CrossFit have been immense because of the methodology. And, the more I think about it, this methodology very naturally transfers to spiritual life. Here are three spiritual lessons I’ve garnered from my CrossFit experience.

RELATED: Running the Path of Faith: What I Learned From Incorporating Spirituality into My Exercise Routine

Your spiritual fitness regimen can be programmed to include a variety of repetitive prayer practices

In CrossFit, workouts are programmed by the staff. So when you arrive at the gym, your workout will be detailed on the whiteboard, and the movements (for example push-ups, pull-ups, deadlifts, box jumps, etc.) are chosen for you based on a system that repeats certain movements in a cycle to holistically build your overall fitness. This varied structure keeps me engaged and lowers the risk of injury. Similarly, I benefit from discipline in the spiritual life but need to vary my prayer practices. When I expect myself to stay statically consistent (i.e. “I’m going to pray the Examen every night forever!”) I end up giving it up when I skip one night. Instead, I make the goals shorter and vary them. (“This week I’m going to try centering prayer for 10 min/day at lunch.”)

RELATED: A Prayer for Every Mile: How My Prayer Bracelet Helped Me Finish a Half Marathon

All prayer practices are infinitely scalable according to your spiritual fitness

All of the movements in a CrossFit workout can be scaled. Every movement has degrees of difficulty according to the athlete’s body on the particular day they’re showing up. If the workout calls for “pull-ups” and you can’t even hang from a bar, a scaled option includes pulling yourself up using gymnastics rings, or pulling a light dumbbell to your chest as you angle your body forward. Similarly with spiritual practices, sometimes you have to scale according to your bandwidth and time or other factors. My prescribed 10 minutes of centering prayer could be scaled to three minutes if I’m running late for work or maxed out at the end of the day. My nightly Examen could be scaled to lighting a candle and saying a couple of gratitude prayers. The point of scaling is to allow myself to build consistency without burning out.

RELATED: Biking and Praying: How a 7-Day Ride Reenergized My Faith

Community carries you

If I show up to the gym, I know the workout will be completed because everyone will be doing it and I’m a part of the whole moving organism. My body will just kind of kick into gear even if my mind is thinking of other things— at some point, something shifts and I’m entirely present. Calories have been burned, and the workout counts even if I did not consciously decide to make each movement happen. Similarly, when I show up for Mass, it is likely that I might not be “in the mood” to go when the time comes around, but good old obligation and being witnessed in my practice subconsciously motivates me. And, even if I’m “going through the motions”— standing, kneeling, sitting, saying repetitive prayers—my mind could be elsewhere but the prayers still “count.”

RELATED: 6 Bible Passages for Runners

CrossFit spirituality is one of consistent effort in community with adjustments according to your daily need. Over time, the method begins to take, and you will find yourself on a whole new level of spiritual fitness you never knew possible.

Originally published August 18, 2023.

July 19, 2024
3 Ways to Practice the Art of Listening

Photo courtesy of Cathopic

Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I’m a very opinionated person. While I pride myself on being open to considering different points of view, the truth is, I still struggle mightily with listening to other people. However, I was recently reading the book by Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C., “But I Have Called You Friends: Reflections on the Art of Christian Friendship” and I came across the following passage, which made an immediate impression on me:

“The person of intelligently strong convictions is ready to have them modified, expanded, or changed according to the counterevidence presented. Any persons of opposite convictions are friends to be listened to, not enemies to be warded off.”

As I read and reread that paragraph several times, I became decidedly uncomfortable. I began to ponder how often my convictions have gotten in the way of treating people with charity, even family members. My parents enjoy watching cable news. I do not. “Hot button” political issues tend to get my hackles up, so if I’m in the room when the talking heads happen to be on the TV, arguments too often break out. The question of student loan forgiveness, for example, has provoked more than a few heated exchanges. My immediate impulse when contradicted, is to get defensive or go on a counterattack.

RELATED: Two Ears and One Mouth: Why We Should Listen More Than We Talk

In our 21st-century outrage culture, the art of listening is so important but is rarely practiced. Sadly, none of us is immune to the temptation to scapegoat people, whether family members or total strangers. It can be too easy for me to label people who don’t share my political convictions, religious beliefs, or cultural presuppositions as “enemies.” When I fail to treat the opinions of others with respect, empathy is quickly lost.

There’s nothing wrong with holding strong convictions or defending your principles. Respectful listening doesn’t mean that you remain passive or completely disengage from a debate. Authentic dialogue is a form of active listening. True respectful conversation can be learned by doing it, through patient practice. I’ve found three simple and practical strategies that have been immensely helpful in keeping me mindful of my biases and of the respect owed to those who don’t share my opinions.

LISTEN: How to Have a Crucial Conversation

1. Be present

The first step in learning to listen is to eliminate distractions and simply be present. I can’t count how many times I’ve failed to be truly present in a conversation or debate. We’re all addicted to our smartphones these days, and when someone else is speaking, I can be sorely tempted to take out my phone and scroll through my social media feed or check my email. Not only is this an incredibly rude thing to do, but also I’m robbing myself of the chance to learn — to truly understand a different perspective from my own.

2. Don’t interrupt

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing personal opinion” (Proverbs 18:2). Ouch! Personally, this biblical one-liner hits a little too close to home. I’m a self-identified chatterbox and I know quite well that I have a bad habit of interrupting during conversations, trying to finish other people’s sentences or jumping in early with my counterarguments. This is disrespectful and a form of pride — many of us like to hear ourselves talk! Respectful silence shows that you value your discussion partner and are truly interested in what they have to say.

3. Ask questions

Unless you ask questions, you’re not making enough of an effort to understand someone else’s position. If someone puts forth an argument or an assertion that makes my blood boil, my habitual reaction is to go on the attack. But when I began to slow down and ask questions (“Why do you believe that?” or “Could you please tell me more about your feelings on this?”) I found it easier to keep my emotions in check. I’ve even tried to rephrase my counterarguments in the form of questions. (“Have you considered this perspective?”) This kind of measured response signals respect for the opposing point of view.

RELATED: Learning and Listening: Identifying My Blind Spots and Committing to Growth

True understanding

If, while the other person is speaking, you’re preoccupied with coming up with a witty rejoinder, or if you start interrupting, or if you retaliate without asking any questions, then you’re not making the effort to listen or cultivate genuine mutual understanding. Listening to understand rather than to respond is difficult, but it’s worth it. The epistle of St. James admonishes Christians to remain modest and restrained in speech: “You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19).

Honestly, I’m still a work in progress when it comes to keeping my temper during intense discussions. But I have begun to notice changes for the better. My family in particular, have commended me for the fact that I now make a point of keeping my cell phone in my pocket during conversations. They’ve noticed that I interrupt less and ask more questions. Our talks about current events have become more engaging and mutually fruitful, as we try to understand one another rather than simply “win” an argument.

Also, as I’ve made an effort to understand perspectives other than my own, my worldview has started to become less cramped and insular. I’ve learned to stop labeling people of different beliefs as “enemies” (or worse “sinners”) whose views can be easily discounted. After all, they are fellow children of God with infinite dignity who should be respected and loved.

As the scribe correctly responds in Mark’s Gospel, “‘to love [God] with all your heart, with all your understanding, with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself’ is worth more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices” (Mark 12:33).

July 15, 2024
Finding Peace in Rough Seas: Turning to Faith in Times of Personal Crisis

Photo by Flaviya85 on Bigstock

When I was 15 years old, my father took my cousin and me on a deep-sea fishing trip.

The captain of the 60-foot-long charter boat transported us 40 miles away from the Ocean City, MD shoreline toward the Gulf Stream…an area often the home to the enormous Bluefin Tuna he hoped we’d catch.

Although we traversed an endless parade of white-capped waves on our journey, the turbulence was hardly noticeable. As long as the powerful engines kept pushing us forward at a rapid clip, the boat’s v-shaped hull tore through the waves, preventing us from noticing the bulk of their effects.

We would feel an occasional bump or two, but the impact on our equilibriums was minimal. The speed at which we raced to our destination allowed us to maintain our balance.

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When the engines shut off, however, the five-foot-high waves took control, tossing our vessel back and forth like a beach ball at a Jimmy Buffett concert. While our lives were in no real danger, my stomach was ready to jump overboard.

I laid on the hard sofa inside the cabin, realizing my body wasn’t made for constant churning. Instead, I needed to cease moving. I needed the waves to stop.

My cousin, on the other hand, felt fine. Dramamine kept his body’s reaction to our environment under control.

The only one on the boat’s deck who didn’t suffer any consequences from our environment — at least not without the aid of drugs — was the first mate.

You see, he’d taken this journey hundreds of times. He felt the waves nearly every day, so his body was conditioned to handle them. Most importantly, he trusted his captain to keep him safe. Although a big wave would occasionally knock him down, he got right back up and steadied himself before the next one hit.

I recall my deep sea experience each time my job, my relationships, or the health of my loved ones threatens to break me. My son’s recent health scare qualified, and it reminded me that all too often, life’s waves do their best to pound us into submission. One time they almost did.

RELATED: 5 Steps for Praying When You’re Overwhelmed

When my wife was pregnant, we did everything right. We attended classes and purchased the appropriate baby gear. She visited the obstetrician as prescribed, swallowed oversized vitamins, and avoided a lengthy list of foods. We were sure we were prepared.

We weren’t at all ready, however, for the tsunami that was about to crash into her already fragile body.

Although she’d experienced a few isolated contractions early in her pregnancy, at 24 weeks, they returned. Only this time they weren’t isolated…and they weren’t stopping.

We rushed to the hospital, and they admitted her immediately. The concern on the attending doctor’s face didn’t help ease our fears.

Giving birth at 24 weeks wasn’t unprecedented, but our son’s survival was far from guaranteed. If he did make it, a lengthy stay in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) was in his future. We needed to do everything possible to stop the contractions.

Nurses who shared our concern used an IV to pump terbutaline into her veins. Terbutaline—a drug that has, in the years since, caused the death of more than one pregnant user—had, in my wife’s case, elicited persistent vomiting that exacerbated her already debilitating dehydration. She was struggling and the contractions were growing in intensity and frequency.

Wave upon wave upon wave.

RELATED: Praying Through Pregnancy

At around midnight, her doctor became concerned that they might not be able to halt her contractions. When the doctor added that the hospital’s NICU was full, our hearts sank. My wife would have to be flown by helicopter to a hospital that had space available for our tiny son.

She was understandably terrified as medics monitored her vitals in the tiny chopper. I couldn’t fit, so I sped down the highway in our Honda Civic, hoping that our son would delay his arrival. As I did so, Jesus’ words popped into my mind.

“A violent squall came up and waves were breaking over the boat, so that it was already filling up. Jesus was in the stern, asleep on a cushion. They woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” He woke up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Quiet! Be still!” The wind ceased and there was great calm.” (Mark 37-39)

In the midst of our storm, Jesus was in control. I forced the gas pedal to the floor and prayed that he’d tell our waves to be still.

I don’t always trust him to still the waves in my life, though. Instead of confronting life head on, with Jesus on my side, I hide. I trust my way instead of following his.

That night on the highway, however, I couldn’t escape. My wife and I were tossed and turned, our son’s life at risk.

Fortunately, our expectation that our son was going to enter the world much too early wasn’t God’s plan. After an anxious night at the second hospital, the waves finally subsided. My wife’s contractions ceased, and we were able to return home.

RELATED: On Suffering: How I Stopped Asking ‘Why’ And Started Asking ‘How’

Over the next couple of months, my wife was on bed rest. With a stocked cooler at her bedside, she sacrificed her mobility as well as her health to shepherd our son into the world. Born healthy at 37 weeks, Nathan, which means “gift of God,” certainly was God’s gift to our family.

The joy that he brought us was almost enough to make us forget the storm that we — particularly my wife and infant son — survived.

I still often attempt to solve my problems with my solutions. In doing so, I forget that I can’t control everything that happens in my life.

During that night 18 years ago when my faith was its weakest, I couldn’t solve my family’s problems. I had to trust him even when I wasn’t sure he would save my son.

I recently learned a short prayer that St. Faustina taught:

“Jesus, I trust in you.”

I now pray this prayer whenever the storm clouds gather. And storm clouds gather nearly every day.

Not only does it remind me that Jesus can calm the waves, but it also helps me trust that he can do so. Big or small, no challenge is more than he can handle.

Jesus has and will provide me peace during the most difficult days of my life, and he promises to provide you peace, too.

July 10, 2024
A Resurrection From Cynicism: Learning to See Myself With God’s Eyes

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

“A cup filled with vinegar can’t spill honey.” I don’t remember how I came across the saying, but despite being filled with wisdom, the phrase has always made me feel uneasy about myself. I go to church, I volunteer, I teach children with disabilities, I’m kind and caring… but underneath all that, I can sense a sour smell of vinegar, of bitterness and cynicism…and it shows. And it’s painful.

I get annoyed when a handful of us are working hard in the church kitchen while the other 150 people from the congregation just turn up to enjoy the meal. No one is rushing to help. Sure, I think to myself, it’s all about ‘give and take’ for us Christians…as long as I give and you take. I get tired of parents who complain about their children’s behavior at home and blame teachers (like me) for failing to make their child achieve in school. The toxic thoughts run through my head, Perhaps, you could start introducing some boundaries at home…then we’ll talk!

Pray for Us Complainers: Turning Our Words From Protest to Praise

I read the Bible and ask God to heal my heart and renew my mind, remove the darkness and cynicism…but it just won’t go away. So I try a different strategy. I say to myself, come on, you’ve got to look at yourself through the eyes of God. You’ve got to see yourself the way He sees you. But, how does He see me?

***

I teach in a special elementary school for children with severe learning difficulties. The other day, I asked a boy in my class to count all the children (four) and all the adults (three) in class. His math was different from mine. He ended up with two grown-ups and five children. He pointed at one of the teaching assistants and said, “One.” He pointed at the other one and said, “Two.” Then he stopped. I kept pointing at myself to encourage him to continue counting. The boy scrutinized my face for a couple more seconds, and gave out a firm “no.” As far as he was concerned, I didn’t count as a grown-up.

At first, I was embarrassed. There were two other members of staff there, and I was suddenly exposed as a fraud! I pretend to be an experienced professional, a grown-up. Is this really how I appear to other people?! Yet, his observations were a precious gift.

RELATED: Praying for Patience: What I’ve Learned From God’s Time vs. My Own

The cynical part of me is critical of other people’s behavior and choices; it can be furious, angry, impatient and frustrated. It savors every depressing headline on the front page of a national newspaper. It moans and complains. This dark and gloomy “me” is too thick-skinned to go through the narrow gate to enter the kingdom. But that’s not the real me. The real me — the silly, playful, joyful me — meets the requirements. The boy confirmed it! In fact, we all qualify.

The real me makes funny noises, dances around the classroom, loves little people, loves life. My heart is not filled with vinegar. It’s full of sweet childhood innocence, and when it spills, it turns my surroundings into a land of milk and honey. It can never be taken away from me or get lost.

God is faithful and does respond to my unique needs and cries for help. When I read the Bible, I don’t actually get messages like, “Be good” or “Try harder.” The lines and verses that always stand out for me personally are those linked to attention, focus and concentration. Be watchful, be on guard, stay alert, stay awake.

The cynical mind isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It may come from a place of knowledge and deeper awareness of the inequality and desperate need in the world. I can keep that. What I don’t want is to indulge in celebrating my own (or the world’s) shortcomings and faults. I want to be alert. Keep my eyes on what is good, true, and beautiful. Have faith like a child. Avoid getting carried away into the depths of cynicism and despair. And God has always showered me with lovely things and sweet moments to help me stay awake to the beauty of his creation.

Originally published June 4, 2020.

July 8, 2024
5 Meaningful Ways Your Family Can Honor the Sabbath

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

As someone who’s driven by productivity, keeping the Sabbath holy can sometimes feel like the one commandment that really cramps my style. It always seems like Sundays are the days I get inspired to jump into some new work project or frantically clean out all my closets. I find myself wheedling the Lord in ways I’d never dream the rest of the week: “Can’t I just scrub one toilet, pleeeease?”

And yet, there’s that still, small voice telling me to hold off on stressful activities — just for the day — in favor of rest. Over my years of following Jesus, I’ve gradually found that listening to this prompting reaps major benefits. When I actually slow down one day a week, not only do I feel closer to God, I’m less stressed and more level-headed throughout the week.

Of course, there’s the obvious biblical directive to not work one day a week—but a truly restorative Sabbath is so much more than not going into the office on Sunday. Here are five ways to add extra layers of refreshment to your day of rest.

RELATED: How to Intentionally Plan a Day of Rest

Read a spiritual book

While I’m a hard-core book lover, I have a hard time allowing myself to simply sit and read during the day—especially when there are other tasks that beckon. Sundays, though, I try to give myself a pass. After all, there’s nothing like a good book on a lazy day to slow the head-spinning pace of weekday life. If it’s a book that’s spiritually enriching, so much the better. Some of my personal inspirational faves include “My Sisters the Saints” by Colleen Carroll Campbell, “Same Kind of Different as Me” by Ron Hall and Denver Moore, and “Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Liseux.”

Spend time in adoration or pray the rosary

Once I get my heinie in the pew on Sunday morning, I often find the hour of prayer leaves me wanting more time in God’s presence. I’m fortunate enough to live down the street from my church, which has an adoration chapel, so some Sunday afternoons I’ll slip over there to finish the convo I started with the Lord during Mass. I always leave feeling “prayed up” for the week ahead.

Want to take your spiritual development a step further? Make time during your Sabbath to pray the Rosary. The quiet rhythm of this prayer is a uniquely soothing way to connect with God.

RELATED: Why Isn’t the Sabbath on Saturday?

Invest in a hobby

God may not have instructed us to go play in a garage band or take up paintball on the Sabbath, but this day is all about refreshment—and doesn’t having fun make you feel refreshed? Taking time for hobbies you enjoy is a surefire way to refill your mental (and even spiritual) tank. In fact, research shows that getting into a state of “flow”—where you’re completely immersed in an activity, such as a hobby—may reduce depression and anxiety.

On any given Sunday afternoon, you can usually find me working on counted cross-stitch (my latest project: a festive-looking llama for my daughter’s bedroom), baking cookies, or playing jazz standards on the piano.

Make it family time

The Sabbath presents an opportunity to get intentional about quality time with family—something that all too easily falls by the wayside on hectic weekdays. Haul out a board game that everyone can play, or go for a family hike on Sunday. If family doesn’t live close by or relationships are strained, reach out to close friends for a cozy dinner or movie night at your place. You might even consider taking a social media break to help you focus on whatever loved ones are in front of you in real life, rather than on a screen.

RELATED: 5 Tips for a Spiritual Summer

Skip the chores and errands

We all know we’re not “supposed” to work on the Sabbath, but to me, work goes beyond the kind I get paid to do. If I spend my whole Sunday doing laundry, wrestling my cantankerous vacuum, and running errands, have I actually rested? Well…not really.

We live in a busy world, and everyone’s schedules are different, so it may not always be feasible to skip housework or grocery shopping for a full 24 hours. In our family, though, we’ve made a commitment to frontload chores and errands on Saturday as much as possible. It’s sometimes a tall order, but it pays off in a full day of chill on Sunday. When we genuinely get a whole day off of work (in the home and out of it), we recharge our spiritual batteries to be God’s hands and feet in the world the rest of the week.

Originally published July 1, 2020.

July 5, 2024
Taking Your Faith on Vacation: How to Plan the Ultimate Spiritual Road Trip

We are at the peak of summer vacation time, and to me, that means one thing — road trips! In fact, I consider myself to be something of a road trip aficionado. My road trips always involve curated playlists handpicked specifically for that particular adventure. I never leave on an interstate journey without a legal pad and Sharpie in order to communicate with other motorists. And most of my road trips have included original car games. Some have had costumes, and a few notable outings involved hand puppets to entertain passing truckers. Mixed in with all of these shenanigans however, my family and friends make sure to never leave our Catholic faith at home. Travel is a great way to experience the sheer variety and vastness of the Catholic tradition and the universal Catholic Church. Here are a handful of suggestions for how you, your friends, and family can take your faith on the road on your next vacation.

Visit a unique new church

My family always celebrates Mass while we’re on vacation, which lets us simultaneously experience the local culture and also participate in a Mass that is often entirely different than what we are accustomed to. Doing so, we have attended Mass in enormous basilicas and tiny chapels, overlooking the ocean in Mexico, and under towering trees at an outdoor Mass in Northern Michigan. Masstimes.org can steer you toward all manner of churches, no matter your destination. The website catholicplaces.org also lists notable Catholic points of interest but focuses on basilicas, cathedrals, and shrines that go beyond the typical neighborhood parish.

RELATED: What Are Some Great Catholic Sites to Visit on Vacation?

Catch a music festival

In recent decades, music festivals have become destinations of their own. There are weekend-long concert events spanning all music genres, and Christian music is no different. Some of the bigger shows yet to happen this summer include Soulfest, Shippensburg, Pennsylvania’s Uprise Festival, and PointFest at Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio. A listing and map of many of the larger Christian music festivals can be found here.

The author on a road trip with his family.

Head to campus

I live in a college town. I was initially surprised at how many tourists visit Michigan State University’s campus each day. Some are alumni, some are families with prospective students, and many others have unique motivations like seeing a football game in every Big Ten stadium. Check out the USCCB’s list of U.S. Catholic Colleges and Universities. Play a round of golf at the Abbey Golf Course at St. Leo’s University, tour the McMullen Museum of Art at Boston College, or take a guided tour of the St. Joan of Arc Chapel on Marquette University’s campus. Not to mention, just about every Catholic university has regularly scheduled Masses open to the public. And if you find yourself in East Lansing on MSU’s campus, be sure to walk one block north and stop by my home parish of St. John Church and Student Center, home of the Catholic Spartans. Go Green!

RELATED: Vacation Guide to Saintly U.S. Cities

Drop in on a parish festival

Some regions of the country admittedly do this better than others. I tend to associate parish festivals with Midwestern cities founded by European immigrants, such as Cleveland, Milwaukee, Minneapolis/St Paul, and Indianapolis. Those dioceses, in particular, have parish festivals every weekend of the summer and well into the fall. I remember going to several of these each summer when I was a kid growing up in Milwaukee. Think beer tent, local cover bands, carnival games for the kids, and maybe even a handful of midway rides all staffed with volunteers from the hosting church. Many parish bulletins and websites will advertise not only their own events but others happening nearby. Checking out the events section of your diocesan website is another good place to start.

Participate in an event Mass

Summertime is when the regular Sunday Mass may burst through the church doors to take worship out into the beautiful weather God has blessed us with. There are some oceanside parishes that hold Mass on the beach, some that have Mass out on the lawn, and I have found myself at a Polka Mass or two as well. So, the next time you’re road tripping across the country, look for a Mass in the great outdoors.

Originally published July 10, 2019.

July 3, 2024