Author: Thomas Griffin

Breaking the Cycle: How I Stopped Worshipping My Phone

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were running errands with our 1-year-old and 3-year-old. Since they were tired and a little cranky, she ran into the grocery store to get bread while I waited in the car with the boys.

I pulled out my phone and started to answer emails and scroll through social media.

My older son, Benedict, began to ask me questions about random things — and I continued to scroll on my phone as I answered him. After about two minutes, Ben said, “Daddy, get off your phone. I’m talking to you.” He wasn’t stating it angrily. His tone was more sad that his father was not paying attention to him. At that moment, I felt like I was choosing my phone over my son. I was ashamed, but I felt something else: convicted to love him more. So, I put my phone down in the car, and I pledged to put it down more often.

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We all know that people of all ages have become addicted to their phones. They have become an extension of our bodies. According to Consumer Affairs, “on average, cell phone users look at their phones 144 times a day,” and the average American spends 4 hours and 39 minutes on their phone every day. That means we spend almost 70 days staring at that small rectangular device in our pockets over the course of a year.

In many ways, I worshipped my phone. What we worship is what we spend the most time thinking about and what we care most about. Worship is what orients our time, energy, and attention.

When Ben called me out about my phone, it didn’t feel good, but choosing to separate myself from my phone certainly did. I realized that my phone was keeping me from loving my family more and distracting me from opportunities to pray more often. So, I began to place my phone in my room when I got home from work until the kids went to bed. This freed me to be so much more attentive to my kids and my wife. I was looking them in the eyes; I was more willing to simply play on the floor with my sons.

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I also found myself freer from the worries of that particular workday and more present with my family, rather than thinking about what others were saying on social media or the score of the sports game. I became more concerned with the person in front of me rather than a screen, and, quite frankly, more happy because I wasn’t living through my device; I was living for my loved ones.

I also began to charge my phone on my dresser rather than my nightstand to avoid numbingly scrolling through social media or the internet at night. This made me more eager to speak to my wife about our day or to pray for an extended period before bed. The unproductive time I would have spent on my phone became a time for true worship.

The combination of healthier relationships in my family and more intimate prayer time has allowed me to further appreciate the need to be detached from my phone. It also helped me understand that by loving God first, along with my family, I was placing the one who is to be worshipped alone in his proper place.

This week, consider your phone habits. Look up your screen time and reflect on if those around you would claim that you occasionally choose your phone over conversation with them. If so, make a commitment to put it down. Then watch and see how your worship of God and relationships can flourish.

September 13, 2024
Summer Spirituality: Building a Habit of Prayer In Ordinary Time

I find Lent and Advent easy to commit to, in many ways. The practices throughout these seasons have been ingrained in my mind since I was a small child. There is a clear beginning and ending, and I know what to expect from each period. These are the times that I am supposed to be working on my faith – so I sign up for a reflection book, make a commitment to pray the Rosary, or take on some other faith-related exercise. Summer is a different story.

The nice weather and fluid schedules often lead me to feeling lost in my spiritual life. I can easily go days without praying for more than a few minutes at a time. Since I usually do not make a conscious choice to commit to a prayer practice, I allow the summer to slip by without growing much in my faith. I realized that I needed to add a spiritual element after my experience a few summers ago. I found that I hardly ever prayed, other than right before bed. It is a blessing to be able to relax more and spend more time outside, but if I am honest, those good things often took the place of the greatest thing: my relationship with God.

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I realized I became less patient and less kind towards my family members and others during the summer because I was not connected to the experience of God’s love in prayer. My lack of commitment to spending time with God and my relationship with him led to less intentionality in my other relationships. Neglecting prayer can become fuel for ignoring others.

With this in mind, I tried something different last summer. I decided to make a commitment, as I would at the beginning of Advent or Lent, to deepen my prayer life and intimacy with God. I would carve out the summer from the middle of June to the end of August and make these six weeks a time of dedication to God and growth in my spiritual life.

My idea was to imitate Jesus’ actions of going off and praying on his own throughout the Gospels. I wanted to make each day of the summer a “mini-retreat”, like Jesus often would when he went to the mountains or a deserted place to pray (Mark 1:35; Mark 6:46; Luke 6:12). Specifically, I wanted to spend time contemplating the “solitary place” that Jesus went to. So, I decided to pray every morning, in the same place, and in a similar way.

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I set an earlier alarm every day, sat on the same spot on the couch, and located a crucifix on the wall to center my focus. I found that the first step of waking up early is the most important. In order to increase my odds, I moved my phone charger to my dresser so that I would have to get out of bed to shut off my alarm each morning. Before doing so, I was too prone to hit the snooze button. Then I would wake up when the kids woke up and lose out on my time for prayer. The early mornings served as a great stage to offer my entire day to God.

Second, I sat in the same space each day to increase the context of my prayer. The routine of sitting in the same space each day slowly sanctifies that space and triggers in my mind that I am about to enter into something special and holy. Once I adopted this habit, it became easier to pray, and I began to enter into deep prayer more quickly. The scene was simple and ordinary, but I slowly began to work the muscles of prayer each morning, in a similar way. The space and the entire process led me to become more used to praying in silence each day. I began to crave it.

Finally, I wanted to move a crucifix to my place of prayer so that I could focus on something when my mind began to drift. I got in the habit of beginning my time gazing at the cross and asking Christ to guide me in being alone with him. Then I would read the Gospel of the day, reflect on a key phrase or action of Jesus, and end with some time of quiet prayer looking at the cross again.

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I found that it was the commitment to making summer prayerful that made all of the difference. Once I was intentional about how I would spend the very first parts of my day, I was able to encounter God in ways that I never had before in silence and in the solitary space of my own living room. I was also able to be more of the man that I am being called to be: more patient and kind with my family. While far from perfect, prayer is continuing to radically change me.

Summer is not simply a time for rest and relaxation in the sun. Like all seasons, it is a chance to grow in intimacy with God. This summer, make your own commitment to prayer and watch him move to meet you every single day.

June 21, 2024
Turning to St. Joseph as a Rookie Father

In 2021, as a rookie father of only five months or so, I often found myself turning to St. Joseph, the patron saint of fathers, during this time of change in my life. Although Jesus’ stepfather never says a word in the Bible and is only mentioned a handful of times, his witness to and relationship with the Son of God should be something each disciple ponders anew in order to gain depth and insight into who Jesus is. In the moments when I have fled to him for help, Joseph has proven to be a true guide for strength and prayerfulness.

Coincidentally, Pope Francis named 2021 the “Year of St. Joseph.” Often, popes decide to dedicate an entire year to the patronage of a saint or theological principle in order to orient our ordinary lives completely to God. The Year of St. Joseph called for the faithful to trust in the Father’s promises. Joseph never drew attention to himself, but his importance in salvation history is unquestioned. He simply does as God asks, and we are called to humbly follow his example.

HOMILY: St. Joseph: Righteous and Pastoral

My wife was pregnant between the months of January and October 2020, which was a period filled with ebbs and flows of joy, exhaustion, excitement, and anxiety. Worries about caring for the financial needs of the child along with the health of the baby were mingled with the utter amazement that a soul was traveling with us through it all. Through the advice of a close friend, I began to turn to Joseph each day and began a more intentional relationship with the man who was responsible for the safety and care of the Blessed Mother and the God-child.

My friend explained that each moment we have as fathers, whether before or after the birth of our children, and whether it is beautiful or challenging, is an opportunity to learn from St. Joseph. Joseph knew what it was like to wait for the birth of his child, and he knew what it was like to embark upon an unknown pilgrimage into the future. Joseph is the king of dealing with unpredictable and unforeseen situations. From the pregnancy of Mary before they lived together (Matthew 1:18), to having no place for her to give birth in Bethlehem (Luke 2:7) all the way through the flight from Egypt in fear for their lives (Matthew 2:13-14) and providing for his family with his small carpentry shop.

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Journeying from Nazareth to Bethlehem must have been arduous for Mary. For Joseph, it was a time when he was called upon to do his best to help his wife while also coming to terms with the fact that there are times that we might just feel helpless. We simply must be there for our loved ones through difficult times.

Joseph experienced this firsthand because he and Mary had no other choice, they had to go to Bethlehem for the census (Luke 2:4). He had to watch as she struggled through the terrain and possibly the extreme heat or bitter cold. As a first-time dad, I saw this in the times when there was nothing I could do to take away the pain or discomfort of pregnancy and labor. In these moments, Joseph as a “just man” (Matthew 1:19), would have turned inwardly to God in deep prayer. He would have brought his wife’s struggles to the Father, trusting that God was immensely and intimately close to them.

Trust and faithfulness to prayer must have been the defining trait of their marriage, and something that my wife and I are attempting to emulate in certain ways by turning more to God, giving him thanks, and asking for his aid. Mary and Joseph are relatable to every couple because their “plans” were never neatly organized but consistently met with challenges and hurdles. While they are the most exceptional couple of all time, they are also the most practically helpful couple of all time. The manner in which they turned to prayer was completely natural and never forced.

RELATED: St. Joseph and a Small Lenten Miracle

Traveling through pregnancy, my wife and I tried to do our best to come together to pray before important doctor appointments or in the midst of unclear or challenging news. The unknown pushed us to unite with each other, and pulled us closer into the love that God has for us.

Through the example of Joseph, I learned that life has uncertainties and challenges, but that following his lead will allow you to perceive God’s fingerprints in every present moment – no matter what might come. Joseph’s silence in the Bible, humility in following God, and trust in God’s plan made him the best suited stepfather to Christ. My prayer is that I may take his witness and become the best father I can be.

Originally published March 19, 2021.

June 12, 2024
Memorial Day and the Power of Remembrance

Photo by John Hill on Pexels

While I was growing up, my family emphasized that calling to mind those who gave their lives to sacrifice for our country is always necessary and important.

We visited the cemetery on all major holidays to spend time at my grandparents’ graves. We traveled there on Thanksgiving, the week of Christmas, and Easter Sunday. My parents, my three brothers, and I would climb into the car after Mass and head to the cemetery.

If we were at my paternal grandfather’s grave, we would all exit the car once we arrived and say a prayer at the tombstone. After a few minutes, my mom would bring us back to the car and my dad would stay behind at the grave of his father. If we were at my maternal grandmother’s grave, the opposite happened. Dad would usher us to the car and Mom would stay behind for a few extra minutes.

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This was their intimate time alone with the parent they had lost. We honored their memory by going to the cemetery as a family, but I also remember that image of my mother or father spending one-on-one time with the grave as I peered out the car window looking at them. It was as if they were talking to their respective parent as if they were still alive and could hear them. They were remembering them by continuing their relationship with them. I was drawn into this moment because I witnessed my mom and dad love their own parent even beyond their death.

My maternal grandmother is buried at an armed services cemetery on Long Island because her husband served in the military. All the tombstones there are the same rectangle shape and the same color, white. The uniform aisles of tombstones evoke something inside of me that brings me to honor those who gave their lives and the family members of those who served. Every visit is like a miniature Memorial Day.

Today, we are called to remember and honor the sacrificial love of countless men and women who gave everything so we could live in our beautiful country. The challenge is to honor them even when it is not Memorial Day.

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When I visited the cemetery as a child, I was so reflective of my grandparents’ lives as well as grateful for the love of my parents. I was more attentive to my relationship with them because I was reminded of how short and fragile life is.

But then, I would go back to my routine until the next holiday and forget how important it is to remember those who came before me so that I could live (literally in the case of my grandparents being my ancestors). On this Memorial Day, we are invited to take that focus towards those who died in service. How can we be more intentional about giving them honor and respect?

Our Catholic faith offers two great connections that are easy and powerful. One, pray for veterans, those who died in the line of duty, and those current service men and women at Mass on Memorial Day weekend. The Eucharist is the memorial of Christ’s suffering, death, and resurrection. We do not simply call to mind what Christ did; those mysteries are made to present to us. As the Son of God died so that we could live, we can pray especially for those who died for our country so that we could have the freedoms we do today.

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Second, pray a decade of the Rosary or an entire Rosary for our veterans. We can pray for those who have died and those who have returned from the armed forces. We know that so many returning service people struggle to reacclimate into society. Pray that they may find work and know their value.

Memorial Day is always the last Monday in May, a month dedicated to honoring the Mother of God. Praying for Mary’s intercession allows us to call to mind the fact that she is guiding all of her children, wherever they find themselves.

Whatever you do for Memorial Day, make it something that serves as a powerful and lasting reminder of just how blessed we are to have people in our age and in our history who live out the sacrificial love of Christ. May we honor them by respecting that love and mirroring it in our own lives as best we can.

May 24, 2024
Learning About Sacrifice, With the Help of St. Mark

Photo by Alberto SevenOnSeven on Bigstock

Sacrifice is key. We know that Jesus requires this of his followers, but I also heard this statement repeated many times when my wife and I were engaged.

If I am honest, I think this kind of statement is kind of threatening. I know it to be true based on the life, witness, and words of Christ, but sacrifice is difficult. Approaching my fifth wedding anniversary while having two children (and one on the way) has validated the importance of sacrifice even more concretely in my life. Much of this investigation into sacrifice, however, has been enlightened by St. Mark.

The feast day of St. Mark falls on April 25 each year. This critically important saint is often overlooked because he was not one of the 12 Apostles. He does not appear in the stories about the earthly ministry of Jesus, but he wrote one of the four Gospels.

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I admit I used to know nothing about St. Mark; he was just a man who wrote a Gospel. My appreciation for him climbed last year when I decided, for the first time, to read the Gospel of Mark straight through from beginning to end. I often read the Gospel of the day, but after hearing a podcast about the importance of reading these accounts as they were written, I took up the task. I started with Mark, well, because it is the shortest Gospel!

I learned that from the earliest days of the Church, Mark was known to be the interpreter of St. Peter. He became close to Peter and was able to write his account of Jesus’ life based on listening to Peter’s stories. His writings are viewed as the preaching of St. Peter. We also know, from Acts 12, that Mark was once the companion of Paul and Barnabas as well.

Taking the time to read the entire Gospel of Mark transformed me. What became more palpable very quickly, was that Jesus was sent to sacrifice his life for me. I felt this in the way that Jesus spoke about his passion in the Gospel of Mark. I could picture Peter speaking these words to Mark and being moved by them as he heard them for the first time. It became more real for me because I realized that this message was literally passed down through the generations in a powerful and transformative way.

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At the start of the third chapter of Mark, people begin to plot Jesus’ death. All Jesus did prior was heal the sick, restore the possessed, and preach the truth. And yet, humanity rejected him. He was to be killed because of who he was. Still, he continued to place himself in the spotlight with more public healings and more intense preaching. Christ did all of this with the knowledge that he came to suffer.

This reaches a shift in intentionality at the midway point in the Gospel. Peter confesses that Jesus is the Son of God and Jesus goes on, three times, to tell the Apostles that he will be arrested, suffer, die, and rise. Jesus states that he “must suffer” (Mark 8:31).

I became more and more intrigued by this truth as I reached the details of Jesus’ passion. It seemed more real to me and more powerful. If he tells us that in order to follow him we must also take up the cross (Mark 8:34), then why do I view sacrifice in such a negative way? The sacrifices that I am being invited into actually make me like Jesus. Mark, specifically, taught me this because of his intense focus on suffering and sacrifice. Sacrifice is an opportunity, it should not be a fear.

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My first practical thought was: Can I be more intentional about sacrificing in my marriage? I do my best to do this by helping around the house after work, but I think I view these tasks as things I just have to do. Mark’s insights helped me to see that I can offer difficult times (even if they are simple) as avenues of grace for my loved ones. Doing the dishes or folding the laundry late at night when I am tired and drained aren’t just nice things to do. They can be sacrificial and intentionally done to give me access to Jesus’ sacrificial love.

Second, I thought about my two boys. Being a parent of a 3-and-a-half-year-old and a 1-and-a-half-year-old can be chaotic. Noise, messiness, and lack of sleep are all side effects when the needs of your children demand all of your attention. My wife, Joanna, experiences this more than I do since she is home with them, but being consistently present to her children all day is a sacrifice. Rather than look to escape into my phone or have “me time,” Mark has inspired me to be more present during these special times with my kids.

The beauty of Christian sacrifice is that its focus is not on rigor. Sacrifice opens us up to love and makes us who we are meant to be. The tired tasks and intentional presence I strive to have with my children make me a better husband and dad. They do not make my life darker but brighter. Thanks to St. Mark, I am becoming less fearful of sacrifice and more grateful for the impact of Christ’s sacrifice in the concrete aspects of my life.

April 24, 2024
How My Family Is Celebrating St. Joseph and St. Patrick Together This March

Every March, I notice an emergence of leprechauns, shamrocks, and Guinness, followed by an abundance of Italian pastries, lilies, and the color red. The remembrance of St. Joseph follows St. Patrick’s Day on the calendar each year, but too often I have neglected to celebrate them both intentionally. This year, my family has decided to honor the impact of these two heroic saints in a (hopefully) memorable way.

My wife, Joanna, is always concerned about how we can encourage our young sons to experience the faith in a way that goes beyond attending Mass on Sunday mornings. She is great at finding ways to make being Catholic about celebrating life and having fun doing it. She’ll buy a colorful saints calendar for the kitchen, set up dinner on the floor on Holy Thursday, or dress the kids in colors that align with a specific feast day. Finding ways to infuse the faith into the normal parts of our lives sparked our ideas for how to celebrate St. Patrick and St. Joseph this year. While Joanna’s Italian side gives rise to her proclivity for Joseph, St. Patrick has always been celebrated radically in the Irish Griffin household.

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St. Patrick receives most of the spotlight out of these two saints, and much of his feast day has been commercialized into drinking and eating corned beef. This year, we plan to eat all of the traditional Irish foods, but also use the shamrock as a way to teach our sons about who God is.

We plan on going outside and using chalk to outline a huge shamrock in green and have the kids color it in. Then we will focus on how the shamrock points to the fact that God is a relationship of perfect love represented by the three leaves (The Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). While we eat dinner, we will tell the brief story of St. Patrick who helped bring the faith to the people of Ireland even though it was not easy. Then we will talk about how prayer helped him through his trials.

At bedtime, we will reinforce this and pray one of St. Patrick’s prayers:

“Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise, Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me, Christ in every eye that sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me.”

We will end the prayer with the Sign of the Cross, referencing the huge shamrock we colored together as a family.

Two days later on St. Joseph’s Day, we will enjoy some nice Italian pastries while focusing on an activity that we hope the boys will love. Our kids already have some toy tools. Some of them have worn out their flavor, but we will try to resurrect that by giving them a chance to build something together. As we build something together as a family, we can talk about how Joseph was a carpenter and how Jesus spent so much time building with him.

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Later in the day, we hope to make a tiny home out of popsicle sticks. All we’ll need is glue, a piece of cardboard to serve as the walls, and about 30 popsicle sticks. By gluing them together to form the structure of a simple five-sided house, we can teach the kids that God calls us all to build time to talk to him in our home every day.

In many ways, Patrick and Joseph belong together. They were both heroic men of virtue who acted radically for God. Despite the challenges they faced, they trusted that God would protect them, and moved to love those around them as if they were Christ themselves. Highlighting their trust and devotion can only aid the growth of faith among our children.

Even though these are simple practices, we think they can have an impact because we are using ordinary moments of the day to invite God to speak to us. Whether it is playtime or dinner or bedtime, these can be opportunities for us to bring God to our kids. While some aspects of these activities will, undoubtedly, not go as planned, we hope that they can become habits that we come back to each year so that faith becomes a part of their lives in an organic way. Hopefully, they will even give rise to celebrating other saints in a similar way. Then Patrick and Joseph can truly impact the holiness of our growing family.

March 15, 2024
What Do Lent and Valentine’s Day Have in Common? More Than You Think

Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day can seem like contradictions. One day celebrates romantic love, while the other reminds us that our bodies will one day turn into dust. This year, February 14 will be filled with both Cupid and ashes.

Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Lenten season of repentance and the preparation for the holiest days of the Church year. I always find that the beginning of Lent comes up so fast that I do not spend enough time reflecting on how I should spend this season. My tendency towards the eleventh hour isn’t new – if I am honest, I also tend to buy my Valentine’s Day gift for my wife at the last minute as well. So this year, I want to make the start of Lent and Valentine’s Day more impactful by considering what they mean — together.

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This year’s simultaneous occurrence of these two important days on the calendar has been a fruitful coincidence for me because it prompted me to start thinking about the day sooner than I usually do. So often, I live in a state of distraction – going from one day to the next without being intentional about the coming days. Once I investigated the significance of Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, I found that their alignment offers a powerful opportunity to see that love means that we die to ourselves.

St. Valentine was a priest (possibly a bishop) who lived during the third century. He was a man of tremendous faith. During his time, Emperor Claudius struggled to employ soldiers in his army. He thought this was because men would rather marry than serve him. So, Claudius outlawed marriages in order to spike the numbers in his army.

In response, Valentine often married couples in secret so they could enter into the sacred bond of lifelong love together. When he was later imprisoned for doing so, he healed the jailer’s daughter of blindness, befriended her, and would often sign his letters to her, “your Valentine.” Valentine was eventually beheaded for his defiance of the emperor and died as a martyr of the faith.

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Learning about the life of St. Valentine has compelled me to reflect on what I do for Valentine’s Day and how I approach the everyday aspects of my marriage. Specifically, how can I sacrifice more for my wife? Instead of viewing ordinary tasks as a simple responsibility, I have begun to see that doing the dishes or laundry after a long day of work can be an offering of love to her because she so often does them for me. Simply carving out time to write a letter to her on an ordinary day is another practice that I know will make our relationship more rooted in the sacrifice of St. Valentine.

Love costs us something: our time, our energy, our sacrifice and effort. Lent is meant to cost us small offerings so that we can gain further insight into Jesus’ sacrifice. That is why we receive ashes on the first day of Lent. I would argue that Valentine lived from the consciousness of his own ashes. He knew that to follow Jesus meant that his entire being would be an offering to God.

This Lent, I know I am being invited to do something similar. So, rather than giving up ice cream and sweets, I want to be committed to sacrificing in ways that explicitly proclaim the love that motivates the sacrifice. This Valentine’s Day will be made up of no extravagant gifts; my wife and I have decided to make Lent an extended Valentine’s Day of sacrifices for each other.

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Just like making time to sacrifice for my wife, this Lent I want to make the sacrifice of waking up 15 minutes earlier each day to pray. I want to commit to being more present at Sunday Mass, especially during the reception of Holy Communion. I hope that these practices will be more concerned with loving Christ and less concerned with giving things up because that is “what you do during Lent.”

This Valentine’s Day, and Ash Wednesday, practice sacrificial love that continues throughout Lent. See that love is most pure when it acts out of intentional choices for the other. Then we will experience that St. Valentine and ashes truly belong together.

February 12, 2024